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i have a head made out of rock,
a body filled with poison,
and a void soul.

i am afraid
that my greatest strength
turns out to be my achilles heel.

i am looking at a blank canvas
with spots of red and blue and black.
i assume, i judge, and i am,
more often than not, obdurate.

sometimes, all i want is an answer,
but when they give it to me,
i can't listen because
the voices in my head
are telling me that i should just go
and that i have endured enough.

i am terrified of the voices in my head
that keep telling me that i am not
pretty enough
good enough
smart enough
because despite the fact that i know
that i am enough,
they still get me down.

i want to be myself,
but isn't the voices inside my head
is a part of what made me who i am?
I bloom in front of you,
open and flourish under my own sun.
Yet you,
don't stop and watch anymore.

Under finger and thumb,
I stretch ever so delicately with hope.
yet you,
aren't accustomed to this shade of green.

Stretching upwards,
I wish on stars that make me feel insignificant in a greater world.
Yet you,
refuse to believe I am magic.

I cry tears of pure sadness,
watching life grow where they fall.
Yet you,
can't appreciate the simplicity of my nature.

I pour my soul into you,
intimacy in over flow and heart swollen.
Yet you,
can't see that I have begun growing roots.
"So I'll probably **** myself,"
I said to you,
"But not until I'm 21 and can stain my lips red
And drink for real
And get so drunk I'll dance right off a cliff.
The rocks at the bottom will hug me so tight I'll split right open.
And then I'll never be able to hide any of it
It'll all be there for you to see.
Bleeding out."
You looked at me and all you said was
"Okay."
It's raining
And I'm watching planes take off and leave and
I'm sitting on trains that run endless loops
And I could be anywhere and
Instead I am here.

It's still raining and
I'm still watching planes take off and land,
And I'm still sitting on trains that
Run in endless loops
And all I want to be,
Is with you.
Since that day
we spoke at the pool
you've been consuming
more of my mind
than you should
that's alright though
you, your liquid amber eyes
your chiseled chest
your sideways grin
are all welcoming distractions
I'll sign off now
and see you,
my lovely distraction,
tomorrow.
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