Autumn,  you stunning creature.
With your cold fingers
that play over my bare arms and
collide and tangle across my
stomach
as you embrace me
like a long lost lover.
You,
nuzzling into my neck
as you wrap around me,
warming my back with your sun
while your breeze steals the heat
from my fingertips.

Autumn,  you complex creature.
Your power struggle with Summer
for my affections
causes her tears to fall
and litter the pavement
every time your voice whispers
through the trees.

Tears are a blessing
often soaked in sadness
or joy,
or anger,
or pain,
or love.

Tears fall and end up
dissolving
the seal in your heart
where you've locked away
the potency of your feelings.

Tears bring release.
They slowly snap the tension
around your chest
and make it easier to breath again.

Many find it a sign of weakness,
but they don't realise that
tears are necessary.

We need the tears,
for whatever reason it may be,
to offer us a short relief
from the overwhelming,
and sometimes imprisoning,
power of our emotions.

Body aches,
muscles pull.
Feeling empty,
never full.

Mind races,
thoughts fly.
Tears falling,
hearts soaring high.

Caught in a moment,
lost in time.
Addicted to it a feeling,
a temporary high.

You're on top of the world,
then lower than your feet.
Feel like a millionaire,
but lose everything in a heartbeat.

Up and Down,
round and round.
Never being able
to find solid ground.

Aching for freedom,
but a slave to the rush.
Screaming in anguish
at the power of your lust.

It's hard to break free
when the high is so sweet.
But be careful to find it
for you may lose your feet.

I hope you meet a person,
any person,
who makes your heart beat
in tune with your favourite song.

I hope their laugh becomes
your favourite melody,
and that their breathing
turns into your new lullaby.

I wish for you the amazing miracle
of meeting someone that makes you
feel like you have orchestras
in your chest.

I hope you have the privilege of
finding a person,
any person,
that gives you a reason to sing.

Because right now there is someone
who's looking at you
and they're busy having an affair
with the music that you are.

Rainy nights in small cosy homes,
music that gives you feelings,
and warm tea with your better half of your being.

Getting caught with tears in your eyes
in unexpected and overwhelming floods of gratitude when you look at someone and realise
"I love this person and they love me too".

Hearing a song that gives you
that feeling.
You can't explain what it feels like
but you get drunk off of it
every time
you hear that song again.

Being held by someone that just melts away.
every.
single.
worry.
and makes you question why you ever complain about your life.

Finding a moment where you just feel
content.
Where everything just looks more colourful and the breeze feels just right and your footsteps are beating out a new song along with your heart.

These moments and everything in between are what makes life worth living for.
So take your moment,
right now,
and make it worth every beat that your heart makes.

When it happens,
when our lips meet for the first time
and the world around us melts like an ice cube on hot tarmac,
I want to feel like this.

I want to feel like this,
with that song drowning out the sounds of our pining hearts,
when our lips brush together for the first time.

I hope the world softens around us
like it does when I feel like this.
I want our pulses to beat out a song that makes me feel like this one does.

For the first time when our lips touch
I want to get high off of that feeling
like I get high off of the unimaginable beauty that I experience in the simple things.

I miss you today...

I miss your infectious belly laughs
and sideways glances.
I miss your short everything:
short hair, stubby fingers,  your fit-under-my-armpit-since-I-was-ten height, your short life...

I miss seeing you shake your head like a dog would shake off water.
And I miss you always sending please-call-me's or you excitedly showing me pictures on your phone.

I miss seeing you sit on the step outside of the laundry room with a mug of coffee and a cigg.
I miss the smell of you, the smell of cigarette smoke and cherry menthol Halls.

I miss your tight hugs and your way of always trying to show me good things in life.
I miss seeing your collections of odd things.

I wish we could have done something, given you a reason not to go.
I realise that I can't change that now, but I can hope that when I see you again you'll have a cup of coffee in your one hand and a cigg in the other.

And that we'll finally be enough for you since we weren't before.

The boy kissed her soft lips
and
all fires set alight in his heart.

She melted
like bitter ice in the flames of his embrace.

They were lost
in their crazy pleasure
and fragments of memories
echoed
in the spaces between them.

If beauty were a flower,  then darling, you're my garden.
You're my sweet, simple daisy when you wear your Sunday best.
You're my crazy exotic hibiscus when you laugh in the summer breeze.
You're my innocent sweet pea when you're wrapped in my arms in the morning.
But sometimes,  
my darling,
you become a wilted rose who's lost among your darkness stained petals and brittle thorns.
I try to be your sunshine, but your winter drives my warmth away.
I tend to you,  my vast and wonderful garden, and am amazed at how my curiosity is never satisfied.
Yet there are still corners that I have not found and patches of you that the sun won't reach.

No, it's not okay
Not this time. Not today.
I've eaten too many of your apologies.
I've looked past all of your faults out of love.

But not today.
Today I'm going to take a swig of the selfishness you've been drunk on.
I'm going to let my feelings bleed out into potentially explosive syllables.
Today I'm taking my chance to tell you how you make me feel.

I hate it.
I hate how you just assume everything is okay.
I can't stand how I build my life around you, yet I'm only a brick in one of your blank walls.
It drives me insane how much I care because I know you don't care at all.
I hate how afraid I am of telling the truth because the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you.

So today I'll let it go again.
I'll chew on another lame excuse.
I'll stay humble and sober on your behalf.
I'll turn a blind eye again.
I'll do everything I always do for you and more...

But

From today it won't be okay
anymore...