i kept our love
in the pocket
of my favourite coat
where it would be safe.
it stayed there
for days
just getting cozier
and more pleasant.

I didn't notice the gaping hole,
which only seemed to get bigger
as our love
poked at it all the time.
slowly falling apart
at the seams.

one day,
our love dropped into
the lining.
And I never wore
my favourite coat
again.

Are you out there?
That perfect someone.
Taller than 5 feet
With your disheveled hair
And your imperfect good looks.
I don't mean you pretty boys
I want the beautiful ones
With all the flaws.
Inside and Out.
I love your flaws
Will you love mine?
Do you feel pain
do you embrace it
and let it wrap around you with familiarity?
Are you open or listen to good music?
An avid country music hater.
You are out there
Perfectly Imperfect Boy.
Where are you?
Because I have yet to find you.
So you can kiss me unexpectantly
and make me laugh.
So you can break my walls
Piece by piece
Till I am nothing left but myself.
Come rescue me
On your black horse
In anyway you desire.

My sweet innocent boy
My 5 years of wonder
will you remember her?
How she lit up like Christmas when you smiled?
How your tiny sneezes brought wild laughter
Head thrown back, radiant in the joy of her creation!
How she paced the floor, wishing your pain was her own?
How your tiny fingers curled in her hair?
The songs that sang you to sleep?
The hours she spent, just watching
waiting for your eyes to open?
Her memory is ours alone.
All that is left of her, I see in you.
My boy.

"I wish you well."
                                                          ­                    



                                         ­                                     (but not too well without me)

Maybe all this time,
all these feelings I thought I had
weren't what they seemed to be.

Maybe I went numb
because you weren't
a warm bath,
you were ice water.

Maybe I buried that part of myself
so long ago
that even I don't remember
where it is.

Maybe I need
to find it.

Maybe I already have.