my heart wants to write something
my mind can't think of anything
my keyboard is waiting
my notepad is empty
white space

looking at my reflection..
"show me your heart" *, i said
I see joy and peace- nothing is dead

In pain, I have so many words
In hopelessness, I see a different world
In desperation, my head is freaking out
But in joy, everything is calm

No words, nothing to write
everything I see is so bright
I don't want my heart and head to fight
From now on, I'll not only speak about my knight

This nothingness reminds me of myself
The happiness I always hide in the shelf

I want to write about it
I want to start seeing it

Everyday - smile, hope and peace
"I tell you to treat yourself precious
and go out and tell us all your adventures"* ,
I said in sweet little whisper.

"no pain can turn you down
stand up and wear your crown"
**looking at my reflection
at last!
For myself, I have given affection.

you have no right to my heart
nor my mind
nor my memories
you are dead to me
as dead as the lifeless rock underneath my foot
a mere stepping stone

your actions speak louder than your words
your words which won't resonate anymore for i am tuned to a different frequency
you may said you loved me and that i was your best friend
but your betrayal is the singularity that will survive in our history

i will deflect any broadcast, any call or plea
across oceans and space
through weather cells and asteroid belts
banishing it from my orbit
the space around me that serves as my protective barrier
preserving who i am, despite your deep desire to dent that

the distinct lack of brevity in my naivety has brought me here
but now i am emotionally stronger, i feel the strength in my heart
where once the thought of you would be like a poisoned dart
imparting a paralysis of body and soul

today though, and for ever more, my heart is impenetrable to your cardiac sorcery
for the key to my emotions is hidden from you, untouchable
as your attempts to emotionally infiltrate me turns my blood into tar
and to you, my heart merely becomes a heart-shaped avatar

the future is bright past the darkness of this night
one where i looked for stars at my feet and my next step behind me
where i cursed the moon for the light it shed that showed me that which i wasn't prepared to see
the sentiment in my head has been carried for far too long
i am not an *** that drags your burden across this sentimental desert
looking for an oasis which is only surrounded by hemlock and pools of brine

i will remove these shackles and chains and venture forth
enjoying those around me
instead of this glorified ghost in my head
instead of glorification, perhaps it is the time for a dash of damnation
that may be the key ingredient here to cook up an emotional sensation

I will be honest with you, most days i wake up and my first though is you.
2. I’ve spent days in my thoughts, waiting for someone’s smile to open the door; and there you were- I’ve been waiting for you.
3. And all the songs i’ve been listening to finally made sense, i never thought they would.
4. You’re my 4.am thoughts. You  have been for the past year.
5. Oh my god i love you more than you will ever know.
6. I never know what to say and i’m sorry, but if i could even find the courage to say something it would be “please don’t get tired of me.”
7.I love you, i love you so ******* much. You will always be my insomnia, my lat night thoughts.
8.I adore you.
9.I know i get annoying and i frustrate you a lot, thank you for putting up with me.
10.I will always be in some kind of love with you, i hope you know that.
11. I still love you at 4.am
12. I fell in love with you, you don’t have to love me back. But i gave you my heart, please be gentle.
13. 4 shots later and the only name i manage to slur out is yours.
14. All the songs make sense now, they were about you.

One day that smile will become forced
The sparkle in their eye will disappear
Slowly that laugh will become less frequent
The monster will truly show
For those monsters are not under their bed but in their head
You can’t hide so don’t even try they will find you
You can call them crazy now, just remember
When their monster came out you laughed
Now those monster possess your voice
So next time they try to hold in tears just think
You are what causes them to wake up screaming
You are the voice in their nightmares
You make them slowly lose hope in the world
All I ask is next time ask yourself is it worth it?