I sometimes stand alone and stare
at time worn face and wayward hair
that frames green eyes with brightest red 
and do not recognise myself

Where is the girl that once belonged
to laughter, dancing, love and song
who always saw with lovers eyes
and sugar coated all her lies

She lingers somewhere far from here
a memory vague to those held dear
too long she has been kept apart
from you, the captor of her heart.

I'll sing of all the ways I miss you
and how this sorrow came to be
the verses, lies I should have whispered
the chorus, truths in harmony.

The melody will break the silence
and call your broken heart to me
to be repaired by love unyielding
to broken hymns in minor key.

There is a forest old as hillsides
tall, majestic, dappled shades
fall on ground beneath the silent
gnarled defenders of the glade.

There they stand in ancient splendour
many souls have passed their way
often used as welcome shelter
from the heat of summers day.

Sweet the air they breathe in chorus
our life's breath their lungs provide,
soaking up our daily poison
so that we may live and thrive.

You seas of men intent to clear them
citing progress, peddling greed
tearing roots from precious mooring
laying waste to nature's seed.

**** the beauty of a landscape
displace creatures for your need
rupture fragile ecosystems
scar the earth and watch it bleed.

To you I ask a simple question,
as I see the land bereaved.
What need has man of all this progress
when he can no longer breathe?

The trouble with Hello Poetry
Is that I fall in love daily
Held under so many captivating spells
moulded and crafted by all walks of life
I find myself longing for all of you
the broken, the fallen, the bruised
the saints, the sinners
the righteous, the dispossessed
the holy, the unholy
all meet here
to speak of life
as they feel it
as only we know it.
Onwards, upwards
Downward spirals
kindness, cruelty
crashing through boundaries
bounding across oceans
carried on wistful sighs and broken dreams
The trouble with Hello Poetry
Is that it breaks my heart
Then brings me back to love again
All within an hour.

Am I anything at all
if I'm nothing to you?

You will not see my shadow pass
the gate of mournings eerie dark
Nor hear my voice among the reeds
that grow above my silenced heart
No fondest kiss to furrowed brow
to quell the torment of your making
for you have left me here alone
to sleep the sleep that knows no waking.

These scars that bind my heart
still bleed at the mention of your name.
You love that, don't you?

The marchers make their way today
through town to Cardiff Bay
with whistles, shouts and banners up
for sweet old Mary Jane
they're marching for her freedom
all ages, colours, creeds
have come in joyful spirits
to help us free the **** 

The rich, the poor, the movers and shakers
the blowback kings and part-time partakers
the rollers, the tokers, the bongers and such
the teenage goth stoners who've had way too much
skin up as they march while making their point
and meet up with new friends while sharing a joint.

Then down at the bay side
when the bands start to play
they'll **** in the sunshine
till the end of the day.

Do you see her in your dreams?
I hope so.

You,
(Like the ink on my skin)
Are indelible.

Pearl Jam**

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did.
All of five horizons revolved around her soul as the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn

and all I taught her was everything
I know she gave me all that she was

And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds of what was everything.
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...

I take a walk outside, I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear?
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head, I'm spinning, oh,
I'm spinning
how quick the sun can drop away

And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass of what was everything
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything

All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see
all that I am, all I'll be.

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky,
But why, why, why can't it be, can't it be mine?

On crowded streets they meet
stealing warmth and kisses
as the hubbub melts away
leaving only them
alone in their misdeeds
together in their longing
for a different ending that cannot be.

I wanted to say thankyou
To everyone that reads
The poems of this woman
with her heart upon her sleeve
Your comments really move me
and never fail to raise a smile
it makes this urge I have to write
seem all the more worthwhile.
I love to read your poems too
they always lift my mood
some sad, some mad, some funny
and some are downright rude!
I guess that what I want to say
and the way to put it best
is I've never touched so many folks
Without fear of arrest. :-)

Do not poke the sleeping beast
that hides behind another's mask
his words not written to inspire
but to wound and belittle.
He crows for attention, 
this loathesome creature,
with boundless ego
and tongue firmly 
rotting in pustuled cheek
he will not be the thief of confidence
he will not be the silencer of hope
for he is the keeper of bitter misery
the captain of a sinking ship
not one will touch his heart
as it sits within it's cavern of disdain.

Twilight's melody rises
mournfully dressed in lilac hues 
she grieves for the glory of the primrose sun.

The rise and fall of waltzing starlings
mirror the final breaths of the day
as with glorious mirth they beckon to the silvered chill of the moon.

This night is too long, without you I toss and turn in hope of slumber, finding only isolation and shattering need. I ache, my heart a pulsing bruise, my body weak from all the wanting, my mind lost somewhere between your echo and the closing of the door. 

I am barely here, gossamer silence wrapped in satin bows and weeping scars.

I have become my own tragedy, a lost soul wondering through darkness, chasing the fireflies of my imagination but never grasping their glow. My age leaves me weary, too many years have passed unnoticed while your hands dealt passions blows in the name of fun and inappropriate pursuits, but to what end?
My loneliness is a heavy blanket that offers no comfort, our love is a lie without remorse and you, my love, are the noose from which I will hang.

Dark branches dance against an aluminium sky
as dusk taints the edges with blue.
The last crow warns of death as it passes,
it's cry echoing along the shoeless streets
and down to the brook where once laughter played.
Storm clouds gather in furious array
shaking thunderous fists at the earth below,
their forked tongues tearing the atmosphere
as the first droplets spew forth from their ragged mouths.

a bedtime story*

In the distance stands a lighthouse
seeing all with cyclops eye
once a beacon, now a hollow,
dead in misted moonlit sky.

Proudly once she ruled the headland,
warning all of crag and shoal
trusted friend to salt scoured sea dogs,
smugglers caught within her glow.

Beauty lived as Keepers mistress
'till one day her love did bloom
walking clifftops with her lover
brought her ending, far too soon.

Bloodied, torn by cliff face ragged
screaming for the life she craved,
Beauty held her rounded belly
As fury deep hit waters grave.

Beauty stands alone in darkness
there above the tempest sea
bloated souls of those who perished
now her only company.

 When the moon is high above us
wrapped in rags and witching stare
Beauty stands atop the catwalk
weeds 'a winding through her hair.

Take these words and hold them dear
as proof that once I lingered here
within these hallowed written walls
that speak the fate of one and all.

Do not mourn me when I'm gone
heal your heart and carry on.
In sorrow ne'er my heart did dwell
for I was blessed to know you well.

Place no flowers, lay no stone
for barren earth is not my home
no marker there to bare my name
no mourners heads bowed deep in shame.

Shed a solitary tear,
then walk in light and never fear
as darkness creeps across the land
I will be there to hold your hand.

When you leave, go without a whisper,
as though you were never here. 
Do not leave tear stains on my pillow or kiss my eyes and beg them not to cry.

Dissipate, let the thin air replace you. Leave no echo, no trace of your existence, 
no backward pity glance at what might have been, 

**** the drawn out goodbye, the heartfelt speech, the apologies for the inevitable.

It's not you it's me.....It's always me.

Let the truth hang  above my broken form, swaying as the ceiling creaks under its bitter weight. I will dance to it's rhythm soon enough.

Then cease.

The poet sits in lamplit gloom
alone in ebb and flow
how strange it seems to write of love
but never feel it's glow

A sigh, a lie, a broken heart,
a kiss on untouched skin
yet still this writers heart it sits
uncharted deep within.

The poet sits in lamplit gloom
and stares at paper bare,
then puts to it her broken heart
and leaves it bleeding there.

Return to me oh fondest love
as roses bid their buds to bloom
and all of nature springs to life
to wonder at the bluebirds tune

Return to me when sun is high
with warmth and golden sheen
to sit beside me for a while
beneath the evergreens

Return to me on Autumn winds
as blazing leaves decay
and place your precious heart with mine
in hope that it will stay.

Return to me while winter snows
ring in the seasons charms
for I have waited far too long
to be back in your arms.

Though time has passed I still hold on
my heart it never strays
It beats for you, oh fondest love
until my dying day.

Autumn approaches
hiding her dance of decay
beneath russet skirts.

Evenings bleed early
through chill days
bringing steel dawns.

All falls silent
as leaves pirouette gaily
to the swansong of summer.

Birdsong threads remain
as harmony takes flight
to sheltered shores.

Autumn approaches,
bitter winter tracing steps
in her glorious wake.

Should I be above you taking all that I want
eyes on yours with a teasing half smile
Or maybe beneath you all mild and submissive
the ******, the angel, the prize.

Or maybe a struggle, not much, just a little
to fuel up our primal desire
a little restriction if done with conviction
could be just the thing you require.

Or would you be pleased with me on my knees
as my hips push you further inside
you can tug on my hair, try a spank if you dare
name your poison and I will provide

Sweet pain brings pleasure divine
As molten bodies meld
lovers sweat in summer heat
unabashed,unafraid.
trusting touches deep within
bring blushing bliss to form.
bound to bed by silken ribbon
frustrated hands seek wanton flesh
and hungered mouths fall silent.
As slap-stung and brazen
I beg for more.

In youth I danced for druids
I twirled in twighlight haze
tinkling bells adorned my feet
and magic filled my days.

My skirts flowed softly outwards,
as I spun between the stones
the wisdom of all women,
as the drumming shook my bones.

I danced my steps with passion
my joyful limbs took flight
as the flames rose ever higher
sending sparks into the night.

Then when the dance was over
and my offering was done,
we sat and praised the solstice
with the coming of the sun.

Did you see me in the rainbow
Did you feel me in the sun
Did you hear me in the swallows call
When all your chores were done.
Did you hear me in the laughing brook
or the changing of the tide
For I am always here my love,
forever by your side.

Hear my name as grasses whisper
gently stirred by summers breeze,
as the skylark sings my love for you
above the rustling trees.
Here I dance in your hearts meadow,
daisy chains set in my hair,
If ever you're in need of me
you'll find me waiting there.

Horizons traced with trembling hands
breathe darkest depths aglow
bring pinkest rose to scarlet hues
all innocence be thrown
dew forming now on swollen bud
sweet nectar old as time
as shaking limbs cry out in bliss
to you, sweet love of mine.

Or....


Rut me, **** me, kiss me, **** me
take me on all fours
throw my back against the wall
then roll me on the floor
Abuse me, use me, wear me out
and make me scream your name
then have a swig of bedside beer
and do it all again.

Bury me in peaceful pasture
underneath a cobalt sky
far now from the battle raging
far now from my mother's cries.

Lay me down neath boughs of splendour
where the breezes speak of love
safe now from the wailing sirens
safe now from the drones above.

Lead me now to heavens garden
where my soul once more will play
games without the fear of dying
games without the fear of pain.

There I'll find my friend and brothers,
all the children gone before
too young to leave a world now mourning
too young to die in bitter war.

The cuckold sits with empty pride
at all that's on display
he does not yearn for awful truth
'bout where she is today.
he dreams of travels far and wide
and promises the earth
he knows not that his dreams are lies
a source of lovers mirth
when she returns as day goes dim
he'll try to light a spark
he does not see that it's not he
who owns her weary heart.

I am the disappeared
my name spoken no more
by the tongues of zealous lovers.
I will not weep as my eyes look upon my banished heart
nor will I revel in it's decay
I will only mourn that time in it's passing is not as brief as your passion for my smile.

We see ghosts in the eyes of all.
Scarred lives bleed onto screens
as spoon fed masses forget to use the word human.

Do they not bleed red?

We see fear fleeing war zones
while we in our comfort zones
mourn not the lives lost but the cost of the living.

We see children torn from wailing mothers.
Crushed and bloated by the weight of water
tiny bodies wash up lonely, suddenly silent
now mascots for a cause they did not choose.

Inaction is the thief of humanity.
Greed, it's protector, smiles down on the dying.
There but for the grace of God...

And if these words should touch your heart
when dance they will past jaded eyes,
weave subtle smiles as tears depart,
from broken hearts and pretty lies.

And if my song it moves your soul
to dance in rhythm to it's beat
then I will sing until you're whole
and darkest fears admit defeat.

Then I will know I've played my part
in bringing light to fractured shore
and I will keep your hand in mine
until the darkness leaves your door.

What is it with society
it can't leave girls alone
to be the way they want to be
they have to **** and moan...

"Now this one she's too skinny
with a blatant lack of ***
legs stolen from flamingos
and arms like two matchsticks.."

"Now this one's far too chubby
observe her thunder thighs
see her wobble as she's walking
it's clear who ate all the pies.."

"Now see the tattooed freakshow
flesh tunnels, garb of black
in burly boots and trenchcoat
she must be taking crack.."

"and what of lil Miss sunkissed
with her streaky perma-tan
who dresses like a two bit *****
but never keeps her man.."

A war on flaws is raging
as media fuels the flame
mixed with the tongues of gossips
it gets stronger everyday
we're taught to judge a person
by looks and shape alone
regardless of their inner selves
their talents, dreams and goals
It really is a worry,
to watch our young girls grow
bowed under weight and pressure
with self esteem so low.

So tell them that they're beautiful
it's not too much to ask
and please be sure to tell them
that the media's an ***!

We are nothing that matters,
created in mystery
while slowly dissolving to dust.
Pretentions and delusions our comfort as reality bites with it's point filed teeth.

We are not made of stars, nor moondust, we are products of all that has gone before and the destruction of all that is yet to be. 

I yearn to see this life through a rearview mirror, it's withered form a speck on the far horizon, for the hurt to stop as this knife in my back plunges further into my sickened depths, severing my spine from all it holds dear. 

I yearn for silence, for these thoughts to stop spewing from my acid tongue, burning my unkissed lips with a million wasted words while attempting to say only one.

Minutes turn into months, decades of meaningless days and miniscule triumphs. 

The stage is set, my role is uncast but the curtain never falls, I stumble wildly through blind utterances, dreaming darkly, while anxiously awaiting the applause that will herald my passing.

This is not living.

Someday our lonely eyes will meet
our fingers will entwine
and there within that moment
my heart will not be mine.

I'll give it to you gladly
to linger with your own 
your smile will be my waking breath
your loving arms my home.

I'll kiss you with each sunrise
rest my head with yours at dusk
and hold you through the ages
'till we crumble into dust.

I hold this dream with tender hands
in hope that it comes true
and wait here for the someday
when I belong to you.

I dream of you as fingers roam
to places deep within
and wonder how I ever lost
the urge to roar with sin.

My hands they wander, quicker now,
with eager memory
of how your limbs felt wrapped with mine,
though it has never been.

You loved me once in forest glade,
again on golden shore
you took me on a stormy night
and left me wanting more.

Now here I lie in shaking form
exhaling ragged breath
in hope that one day you'll return
to love me half to death.

My body is your witness,
please shake it to it's core,
how cruel it seems to leave me here
in lust forevermore.

So take these wanton letters,
this statement of my need,
then fill my ever lonely nights
with sweet debauchery.

Play your sad guitar a while
that I may sing for thee
of words that sit within my heart
and technicolour dreams.

Play a tune of broken wings
now healed by tender hands
brought to flight by friendship strong
and moons in distant lands.

Harmonise with me this night
let music be our guide,
you see my soul in different light,
through darkness, where I hide.

Then I'll lift up my song to thee
the sweetest ever heard
and raise my voice in thanks once more
to friendship, love and words.

You hate my poems
You say they take me from you
that they're pointless
a waste of time
maybe you're right.
You read them,
just the words as they fall,
and say you get nothing
just syllables.
I have lost count
of the sighs and eyerolls,
the you have no talents,
they sit in a memory box
along with the times you've asked me to stop.
Stop.
Just like that.
Stop pouring myself onto paper,
Stop looking for beauty in darkness,
Stop healing.
You prefer me broken, fragile, dependant,
the girl you took from nowhere to god knows where
a once pretty, broken thing
to hang silently from your arm
while you talk proudly of the soul that you saved.
You fear that my writing will end us.
I fear that my stopping will end me.

Give me a man with a beard and tattoos
a passion for books and a love of the blues,
a sharp sense of humour, his outlook carefree
and a belly that jiggles, no six packs for me. 

Give me a man who can't help but sing,
who sees beauty in raindrops and other such things,
one that laughs at my faults and excites at my plans
one that's proud to tell everyone that he's my man.

Then I'll give him a woman that smiles oh so proudly
and proclaims love undying from rooftops, quite loudly
I'd take care of him as he takes care of me
a happier duo you never will see.

Send him my way tightly wrapped in a bow,
I'll handle with care and unwrap nice and slow
this gift from the heavens sent here from above,
then I'll drag him upstairs and near **** him with love.

She paints a pretty picture
she says the nicest things
outside she's always smiling
though demons live within.

She wears the latest fashion
Is surrounded by her friends
She goes to all the parties
but the torment never ends

She always feels so helpless
while alone beneath the stars
She paints a pretty picture
the girl with all the scars.

For Jack**

Lost in a tide of a million emotions,
pulled down by the weight of my unsteady heart
left to drown in an ocean of my own creation
as saltwater depths from mine eyes did depart.

I looked to the heavens for signs of my passing
then swallowed my pride with my last gasp of air
hoping for silence and peace everlasting,
no more would I cherish, no more would I care.

Then through the darkness a soft voice did beckon,
sweet cleansing comfort in it's knowing tone
a hand it was offered to aid my protection
and to help hold together my world weary bones.

As the ocean receded my heart broke the surface
I reclaimed my soul then rejected the tide
Your heart was a beacon of light in the darkness.
Sweet unending friend, in my heart you reside

Weary eyed disappointment shines through the blue
in an attempt to quell my spirit.
6 weeks between us, yet you are as old as time.

I am not sorry for your frustration,
it stirs my ***** to see your distress
at my half-smile.

I offered you warning, long before gold was shared.
I told you I'd be hard to hold,
spelled out my weakness,
held aloft all flaws.

Still you lept at my flame,
seeking to contain it within your covetous palm,
to mold me with your priceless wisdom,
your righteous idea of who I could be,
should be....would be.

A me without a trace of self is your desire.
A shell filled with your vision of perfection.

A stay at home
Lay at home wife.

Last night you said that you had made me a better person,
while I sat and wondered at your breathing
in the hope that it would stop.

Do not take my silence as compliance.

My Judas pen
betrays my broken heart
over and over again.
A thousand papercuts
no contest
for it's incessant bleeding
nor it's insistence 
on opening ancient wounds
as the sun rises
dragging me startled
kicking and screaming
from the comfort of unknowing slumber
into the harsh light of my existence
to bleed for you once more.

If you were just a wish away
I'd call on every star
to bring you back from where you rest
to heal this broken heart.

If time were but a circumstance
It's whim not our demise
I'd stop the clocks to mark the time
I first looked in your eyes.

My wishes dim the starlit sky
'till dark are all my hours,
in knowing I will never find
A finer love than ours.

Oh won't you play a little game?
Your life will never be the same
Please roll the dice and stoke my flame
I'll scar your back, you'll howl my name.

Let's not let rules get in the way
It's such an easy game to play
and baby, once it's underway
I'll lead your pretty heart astray.

I am temptation, wicked sin,
suggestion dripping from my skin,
dark secrets writhing deep within
my name a whisper on the wind.

I've torn so many souls to shreds
while hearts decayed and tears were shed,
delight would fill me as they bled
once exiled from my harlots bed.

So heed my warning, hold it true
then cast it ever far from view.
Take your turn, then when you're through
let me be the death of you.

I didn't cry when I heard of your passing, didn't fall to my knees or scream at the sky, you would have hated that anyway.The world went on around me, daily routines soaking up time like a desert soaks up precious drops of rain. Your funeral had gone before I heard the news, no black-draped graveside gestures for me. 

All I could think was "that's another one of us gone" both of you too soon but the tears didn't come.

 Days turned into weeks, as they will...

Then came the music, funny how music can do that. My speakers spoke of Jesus riding a motorbike and there you were, dancing, or something like it. Your face radiating happiness as it always did when we misfits were all together, that grin, oh how I miss that grin, wide as the grand canyon and equally beautiful. I laughed, mascara black tears staining my cheeks, as a torrent of despair set forth, bleeding old wounds and cleansing my heart. I still miss you, even now, you with your ever- worn parka and your party tricks deemed unacceptable in polite society, I always will. I wrote you a poem. You wouldn't like it, because it's sad, the one thing you never were...

Ease my mind with searching kisses
roam my body, steal my breaths
trace my curves with fleeting fingers
******* life, my little death.

Whisper pleasures laced with poison
there I'll follow in their wake
weaving dreams at once thought daring
laying waste to passions ache.

Limitless I lay before you
bathed in alabaster glow
my eyes aflame with reckless wanting
to be the only love you know.

I am broken
I am scars
I am silence
I am darkness
I am trouble.
I am *****
I am damaged
I am faults wrapped in eager flaws.
I am unrepentant
I am shamed
I am shattered
I am irreparable.

I am lost.

I am every child that was ever taken too soon from the breast of its mother.
I am every girl who's innocence was shredded by greedy hands and hungry mouths.
I am every pill I ever lined up and swallowed in the hope of sating the voice that begged for my passing.
I am every whiskey I ever chased into oblivion with another...and another ....and another.

I am all these things

and yet

I am hope
I am beauty
I am laughter
I am free.
I am honesty
I am belief
I am truth.
I am.
I am worthy...
I. am. worthy.
I am healing.
I am loved.
Finally.

Slow it down
breathe me in,
deeply.
Eyes closed,
skin touching,
slowly stirring,
heat rising.

Watch me want you,
feel me need you,
let tender touches bring thunder
as deep kisses bring rain.

Let your slow hands
feather-light, stone strong
trace shivers
down my supple spine,
as clustered kisses please.

Let our bodies meet
with the grace of angels
as sainted flesh
slowly, silently, succumbs
to sacred sensation
and time silently slips away.