She danced in the downpour
Her feet enthused, but eyes were sore
Her head spinning with thoughts galore
Blood rushing away from her core
Trying to erase thoughts that tore
Only to fill up the mind with more

In an attempt of distraction, aloud she sang
And swayed, tapped, increased tempo, whoosh whoosh, bang bang
A swing of hand...crackle...clink, clang clang
A gasp, pause, and an "oh dang!"

Picking pieces, knowing they won't amend
She realized, it was wasting time trying to mend
So instead, she chose to fix what she can tend
In the face of fate, determined, not to bend

The glass nothings she'd picked, threw back the little lot
"For some things can't be fixed", she thought
"And some things can", she fought
And just like that, she found courage, previously unsought
Scattered pieces, gathered thoughts

Clacks the train on pre-made track
Taps she on and on all day
Wheel on rail, turns wheel on rail
Never wavering from laid out trail.

Clacks the train on pre-made track
Oft taking souls both to and fro
Alas unseen goes the weary rail
As metal cuts through the nestled nail.

Clacks the train on pre-made track
The unjoining joint harked too late
Souls on board feel blinding pain
As loco veers off its destined lane.

Clacks she no more on pre-made track
Unhinged, undone, has no path, no role
Bent beyond all blacksmith skill
Now left soulless, without way or will.

So still she lies
Sleeping.
A cold room
Cold thoughts.  
Under cover of cotton and linen.        

A cold lonely wind
Cries outside
Longing to find solace
In the warmth of our home
But finding only that it devourers
By its own devices
What it so desperately desires.

Pain in my brow
Forged with hers.
Sharing breaks
Up the pain--
Comfort of depression's transitory end.

Why do you hurt the ones you love
When you want only peace?
A lover of the land?
Must plough the earth for yield
Break the ground in fury
To prepare it for seed.

This pain awaits our company
Like a bottle to the drunkard          
Or a needle to the ******.

Comfort is pain
Pain is comfort

In this violent serenity
As the calm peaceful sea
?Can in one moment  
Turn into a tumultuous gale.

Is love for the using
Can a person justify
Putting lines of age on the face
And gray hairs on the head
Of the one they love?

So many carry this burden.
Love shares common ground--
Seasons for ploughing and planting
And harvest,
The season of closure.?

So still she lies beside me.?
A cold room
Warmer thoughts.?
Under cover of cotton and linen.

Under cover of compassion
And understanding.

Me:
Is it all my fault?
The way I feel?


Monsters:
Of course, you are sensitive, stupid, and naive.
You are making it worse and worse.
It's all your fault. Every last bit.

Don't worry yourself
think of the exploring you'll do alone
no one to drag you down

alone
alone
the word rings around my head
the most depressing decibel I ever heard.

No one to drag you down because
you have SUCH an imagination
how could this POSSIBLY be a bad thing
look in the dictionary under independant; you're the definition.

definition however
finds no hold in a mind made only of galaxies
the expanse is endless
thought can stretch so thin
I lose the beginning of an idea into space
and end up floating in the quiet vacuum of my head

I needed you
to be
the corners of my mind
a framework
to attach my grandiose ideas and give them meaning
to know
that I am more than just synapses
firing at random  into the dark
that I am a physical being.

I needed you to hinge me to reality,
because otherwise
I am just stardust and matter
trapped in a skull.

Another year comes to pass
And I turn inwards to reflect.
My fragile memories seem of glass
And I search for moments to regret.

Yet as much I seek greener grass,
An involuntary gratitude I beget;
For this lesson isn't found in any class:
That this fleeting life is all we get.

1024

So large my Will
The little that I may
Embarrasses
Like gentle infamy—

Affront to Him
For whom the Whole were small
Affront to me
Who know His Meed of all.

Earth at the best
Is but a scanty Toy—
Bought, carried Home
To Immortality.

It looks so small
We chiefly wonder then
At our Conceit
In purchasing.