broken isnt chipped
it isnt imperfect
broken isnt working
or out of order

~

broken is shattered
in a million pieces
even love cant fix
this kind of broken

~

so dont try to fix me
or put me together
because broken is who i am
and who i will be forever

~

but if you walk beside me
and love me for who i am
through the good and bad times
i will always love you back

living is like being chained
at the bottom of a shallow pond
with my eyes open and no air
i can see distorted images
of happiness and light
even hear muffled laughter
but everything is out of my reach
as i lie in suffocating agony
if death is the opposite of living
then i hope death is like floating

Depression is a war,
A fight against yourself.
Every word a punch.
Every thought a bullet.

Depression is a thief.
It steals everything from you.
The things left behind,
They trap you in.

Depression is a murderer.
It kills who you used to be.
When you look in the mirror,
You won't see yourself.

Depression is a nightmare.
You go to sleep crying.
You wake up screaming,
Into a world of hell.

Depression is an ocean.
An ocean filled with emotions.
But every day,
Your drowning.

Depression is a bottomless pit.
When you fall into it,
You might never come out.
And no one can help.

Depression is a void.
You're ****** in.
But you don’t know,
If you'll make it out alive.

Depression is a war.
A fight against yourself.
You will struggle.
But you can make it out alive.

Depression is a war,
A fight against yourself.
Every word a punch.
Every thought a bullet.

Depression is a thief.
It steals everything from you.
The things left behind,
They trap you in.

Depression is a ******.
It kills who you used to be.
When you look in the mirror,
You won’t see yourself.

Depression is a nightmare.
You go to sleep crying.
You wake up screaming,
Into a world of hell.

Depression is an ocean.
An ocean filled with emotions.
But every day,
Your drowning.

Depression is a bottomless pit.
When you fall into it,
You might never come out.
And no one can help.

Depression is a void.
You’re ****** in.
But you don’t know,
If you’ll make it out alive.

Depression is a war.
A fight against yourself.
You will struggle.
But you can make it out alive.

Feel my toes curl over the edge
Feel the wind blow around my arms
Feel the welcoming arms of the cold, hard ground.

Sitting here in this cold, dark room.
******* to the ***** black wall.
Chained. My hands and feet are chained.
Locked in this living hell of a room.

I'm forgotten by all the living and existing.

My screams are only heard by me.
My struggles are useless.
I'm trapped.
Left here to suffer.

Left here to die.

In the world of forgotten people.

I'm free as a bird,
But I will never fly.
Why is everything blurred,
Why, just why?

I remember the days,
Warm and sunny,
Back when we used to play,
And find everything funny.

We would laugh and laugh,
Make jokes out of everything.
You were my other half.
Now we're nothing.

Sitting on the log,
There in the bush,
Surrounded by the fog,
People want me to push.

I give everything up,
Forget and move on,
It's all messed up,
And everyone's gone.

No supportive 'hey',
No caring shoulder to cry on,
Everything's grey,
Even the dawn.

Is it really worth it,
Moving on when all are pushing,
Will I ever fit,
Where everyone's heading.

Am I just waiting,
For some kind of sign,
To tell me something,
That everything was fine?

I'm free as a bird,
But I will never fly,
Everything is blurred,
And now I'm saying goodbye.

Is it fun to live,
To survive, to thrive.

To have a happy life,
With a wife.

Maybe children,
A home to live in.

Friends who laugh,
Who are your better halves.

A job to keep you happy,
You do it gladly.

Is it fun?

How would I know,
I live on the streets of Chicago.

Pulling my weight,
No one can relate.

I'm just another teenager,
Roaming the streets - it's nothing major!

People assume I have a family,
And stroll by casually.

They don't stop and ponder,
Why this girl is on the street I wonder.

So no.

I don't know if it's fun to live,
To survive, to thrive.

Or to have a happy life,
Because tonight, I'm going under the knife.

Dear life,
It hurts when my "friends" call me names.
It hurts when they steal my lunch, even though it's half an apple.
It hurts when they tear my torn bag off my body.
It hurts when they rip it apart into shreds.
It hurts when bullies punch me.
It hurts when they push me to the ground.
It hurts when they kick me.?It hurts when I go home.
It hurts when I climb into the bed.
It hurts when I hear Dad coming back.
It hurts when I know he's probably robbed someone.
It hurts when I hear the screams.
It hurts when I know I can't do anything about it.
It hurts when I try to do something about it.
It hurts when I see my bruises.
It hurts when I see my mother's bruises.
It hurts when I see my sister's bruises.
It hurts when I know that they aren't getting the life that they deserve.
It hurts when I think about giving them the life that they deserve.
It hurts when I try to give them the life that they deserve.
It hurts when I see Dad hitting my mother.
It hurts when I see Dad hitting my sister.
It hurts when Dad hits me.
It hurts when I think about the life I had.
It hurts when I think about the life I have.
It hurts when I think about ending this life.
It hurts when I think about leaving my mother and my sister.
It hurts when I think.
It hurts when I dig the knife into my arm.
It hurts when I feel the drops of blood dripping from my ***** arm.
It hurts when I take the gun off the shelf.
It hurts when I check the bullets.
It hurts when I point it at my head.
It hurts when I put my index finger on the trigger.
It hurts when I pull the trigger.
Sincerely,
A girl who knows hurt like the back of her hand.

i wish they knew
me and only the real me
mot the me with friends
not the me with family

i wish they knew
how much pain they cause me
every comment and remark
a knife into the heart

i wish they knew
how I go to bed each night
crying and unable to sleep
but still pretending for their sake

i wish they knew
the number of thoughts
running around my head
killing me inside out

~

but they don't know
how much it hurts
what it feels like
and that’s the thing that hurts the most…

Life is a prison.
And you're trapped in it.
You've got a life sentence.
So you haven't got much spirit.

You know you're stuck.
And there's no way out.
But for some reason,
You can't sit about.

You try to fix this mess.
This mess of a life.
But you know you can't.
Not even with a knife.

So you look out the bars.
Plea with the guards.
You beg and beg
You play all your cards.

You know it won't work.
They'll never let you go.
But you try and try.
To see the rainbow.

In the middle of the night,
You try to escape.
Through the metal bars.
But it wasn't part of fate.

You're an oldie now,
After years of trying.
You haven't got long to go.
And it leaves you crying.

But life's a prison.
And you've been trapped in it.
You had a life sentence.
And you've served your bit.

I'm like a bird,
Falling from the sky,
Everything's blurred,
Bruised, but I'll fly.

You are the lullaby,
That sings me to sleep each night.

You are the lullaby,
I hum after every fight.

You are the lullaby,
That stays strong,

You are the lullaby,
No one can do you wrong.

You are the lullaby,
That stands…not falls

You are the lullaby,
That stands and stands tall.

You are the lullaby,
Putting me to sleep,

You are the lullaby,
That inspired me to leap.

You are the lullaby,
I sang to my kids.

You are the lullaby,
I sang to my grandkids.

You are the lullaby,
Soft but strong,

You are the lullaby,
You are my song.

Life has no meaning,
When you've already died.
It's just the remains of the body.
But your soul's not inside.

The heart's not pumping.
The brain's not understanding.
You carry on lifelessly.
There's no misunderstanding.

But if there's no meaning,
No motive or inspiration,
How do some continue.
For the full duration.

I've been through it all.
The living, the dying.
But I can't seem to hold on.
So I let go crying.

.

im numb at first
i dont feel it
as it caresses my skin
i push it further
blindly

..

then the pain
draped over me
like an oversized blanket
dragging me
drowning me

...

i can feel
as it rushes out
like a waterfall
of everlasting doom
pain i cannot describe

....

but in a way
i am still numb
i cannot feel it
i just push it in further

.....

i cannot feel
my heart breaking
into a million pieces
because how can i
when its ~ numb ~






























from all these years of pain...

Her parents used to fight.
She looked forward to school
Dreaded the weekend
People thought she was a fool

When they had to move
She didn't say anything
She really didn't want to
Give up everything

They moved to a new place
She had a fresh start
A clean slate
But it still broke her heart

She wanted to go back
Back to the morning she was born
And erase all the memories
So that she didn't have to mourn

She remembers that day
Where the terrible news came
There was an earthquake
And she recognised all the names

They were her friends
The ones that made her feel loved
But now they were watching her
From up above

She wanted to go back
To grieve with the remaining few
But her parents refused
And she didn't know what to do

She gave up talking
She gave up eating
Until she was bruised
Scarred and bleeding

She tried to get help
Her parents thought
She was just trying to get attention
And so they fought

They had fought before
But never this bad
She couldn't help
She felt so sad

She thought
There was only one way out
So she…experimented
With a knife she played about.

the cracked mirror
the broken window
the hole in your heart
your shattered life

like a piece of glass
fragile and delicate
broken to a million pieces
beyond fixing or repair

pick up the pieces
keep them in your jar
full of broken bits
of sorrow and despair

you can't show them
who you are when you are alone
to them
you're the happy bubbly one

"The sun will still rise tomorrow if I **** myself"

"Flowers will still bloom if I **** myself"

"The radio will still play upbeat music if I **** myself."

Yes, these things will keep happening. But you know what else will happen?

All the lovers you've had will hold close the pieces of you they have left and wonder if it was something they did that caused it. Your younger siblings will wish that they had slept in your bed more often because now that you're gone they hardly remember the comfort that they had sleeping next to you. Your older siblings will think about times you were upset and they never asked what was wrong. Your best friends will become shells of themselves, beating themselves up for not realising you were not okay. Your mother will not be able to walk through the door of the house without looking for your shoes on the mat, and wondering if you did this to yourself because she yelled at you for tracking dirt. Your father will not drink his morning coffee on the couch, because he remembers how many times you sat there with him and ate your cereal.

Yes, the sun will rise, the flowers will bloom, and the radio will play happy songs. But without you, we do not want the sun to rise, because another day is too painful. We do not want to see flowers, because how dare the world show us something beautiful when you cannot appreciate it. We do not want to hear any music, because it reminds we will never see you dance again.
So reach out. For yourself and others. Everyone is worthy and deserving of life and another chance.

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Sugar is sweet.
And so are you.

BUT

The roses have wilted.
And the violets are dead.
There's no sugar left.
And my wrists are stained…

…RED

Your mouth is moving,
But nothing is coming out.
Your silence is deafening.

Life has no meaning,
When you've already died.
It's just the remains of the body.
But your soul's not inside.

The heart's not pumping.
The brain's not understanding.
You carry on lifelessly.
There's no misunderstanding.

But if there's no meaning,
No motive or inspiration,
How do some continue.
For the full duration.

I've been through it all.
The living, the dying.
But I can't seem to hold on.
So I let go crying.

How on earth do I say I feel happy,
When I can feel the chains pulling me down.
I'll tell everyone that I'm ok.
That I just need time to myself.

To tell myself that they're gone.

I try my best and look like I'm fine,
But when no one's watching, I crack.
Surrounded by my tears,
They form a pool around me.

I need to tell myself that they're gone.

I remember the day when they came home,
With my little sister,
My world was complete.
And I had the best family.

But now they're gone.

Now all I have is my baby sister,
But I miss them so much….my darling parents.

They're really gone.

this love is fallen soldiers
on the battleground
their empty hearts
bleeding out on the floor

~

this love is broken hearts
split in the middle
like black holes
******* in everything...anything

~

this love is poison
venom racing through veins
slowly eating us up
inside out

~

this love is war
when all theres left to give
is life thats left to live
so what are we fighting for

...?...

Dear me,

It hurt when you stopped caring.
It hurt when you didn't believe.
It hurt even more when you
Didn't embrace being free.

It hurt when you stopped eating.
It hurt when you stopped being happy
It hurt when you stopped the love.
When did you even stop smiling?

It hurt when you stopped responding.
Even more when you didn't even try.
But when you stopped breathing.
That really made me cry.

I guess I'll never really know.
Why you did this…
Why I did this…

It hurt her when you
Kicked her out of the house
For being *****
For being too 'vulnerable'

You knew it wasn't her fault
That she was pregnant
But you failed to accept
And isolated her instead

Gave her exactly the opposite
Of what she needed
She had suffered
Way more than you did

But you still
Kicked her out
And then kicked yourself later
When she died on the streets

She had suffered
At the hands of
The man who wanted her
And then the man who failed to want her

The second man was you.
She needed your love
She needed your advice
She needed you as a father

But you failed.