do you ever re-read my words?
do you ever find yourself
flipping through old pages,
clicking through old poems
just to get a taste of my soul?
i see you sitting there, deep in thought.
are you craving my poetry?
i'm sure you're wishing you could visit me in the galaxies
i made for you,
take a swim in the cerulean waters floating through space.
tell me-- do you still dream in black and white?
or have my words sparked a palette within you,
a painting you'd never seen?
i gave you access to a world once shrouded
in petty ideas of logic,
instead of canyons full of literary masterpieces.
i think you do more than "re-read my words."
i think you become them.

i hope one day
you will look back and
you will remember
remember how you had me
how i did everything for you,
and gave you all the love i had to offer
and how you
let me go
i hope you will regret
                                    and regret
                                                       and regret
that you gave
nothing
back to me.

i                                       f i could
               shape poetry                  what shape
                     would                           purely be-
                         fit it                             and tell
                              my                     intentions
                              well                enou­gh
                                  shape      these
           ­                        like how i feel
                                                     i am in                               complete
                           i have a                            hole
somewhere                   in my soul  


my

                                     emo tions



a       r                    e

all                         O                     V
                                                         E                           R

how can i then shape poetry when i cant keep myself in shape

you say you know me,
but do you know how i feel when i see you?
do you know the pains i get?
do you know the guilt that brews in my gut?

you say you know me,
but do you know what i look like at 2 a.m.
as i cry into my dingy white pillow? do you
know what i look like with dried tears on my face?

do you know the long walk i take to the
bathroom as i search my mother's medicine cabinet
for a pill or razor that'll release the pain you bottled
up inside me? do you know why i'm an alcoholic at fourteen?

you don't. because you don't know me.
and i don't think i know you, anymore.

is better than going to a fancy restaurant, or a party of people we don’t know

it’s better than commutes on the train with you,

or walking in the rain with you

partly because when your eyes are closed you look so at peace

partly because of your even breathing,

partly because of your love for big sweatshirts

partly because of our intertwined hands passing warmth between us.

It is hard to believe when I’m with you that time exsists at all

that the planet is spinning, and the whole universe is expanding,

and the stars twinkle on the other side of the earth

leaving us so small and weak, laying in the rays of the warm sun

that come streaming through my window

and your chest rising and falling, and you hair spread out on the pillow,

and the dust around us falling more slowly than usual



and

the tick of the clock, and the sound of still air, and the occasional creak

of the wooden floor doesn’t seem real, and in this house,

in this room, I share with you my sanctuary of silence,

for you are my only grasp on reality, yet you pull me

into the unknown

at the very

same

time



I look

at you, and I would rather look at you than all the rock stars in the world

except for maybe The 1975, because their concerts are incredible

but if we went to see them together, I’d have both to enjoy

if I went alone, I’d have fun dancing and singing along,

but I’d rather us be together,

and we’d kiss to the intro of fallingforyou.

I’d rather us be together, I’d rather watch you jump to the beat of the music

and in the comfort of my house, I’d rather watch you twirl around

in my living room to the music in our heads.

or we can just nap together

because taking a nap with you is peaceful, and quiet and soft

and better than everything else

i want to get high in foreign cities
travel to places i have yet to lay my eyes on
pack a bag and take off, my only motive to feel free
i want to kiss lovers on pavement my toes have never touched
beneath trees rooted with legends in their leaves
ensuring everlasting love
and i want to feel light, rather than weighed down
anchored to one small town
i want to drop everything and get away
to places where time is altered
and the stars are always present
whether it be in the night sky or people's eyes
i want to fall in love with strangers, cities, and scenes
i crave so deeply to feel free
to start anew

but at the same time
i want you to come too

s.s