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U
maybe it's the weather
maybe it's because i'm turning a year older
but whatever it is, there is something
that gobbles me up from inside
and my bones get weaker and
my chest feels heavy and
i want to die

sunday to sunday i crawl to cling on to life
and i scrape my knees on the sidewalk
i think of tiny things that could possibly
change my tainted view of living,
i think about you.
 Jul 2016 Brittany nicole Smith
D
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Is it possible to feel any more dead inside?
To know that nobody is by my side..
Being told there's nothing wrong with me,
That its all pretend, to just let it be,
Hurts even more
Then being ignored.
I said I need help,
That i need it bad.
You said there's no need,
That its all in my head.
The smile is fake, and my words are lies.
Yet still you think I'm safe, that I'm fine.
I'll tell you again, in a couple days
That I need help..
You'll shoe me away.
Figure it out on your own.
Same old story I'm always told..
Inside I'm wasting away,
Replaying your words in my head,
Trying to escape to a better day..
Hearing your voice, calls me like a dare.
I listen harder, its the sound
Of no concern, no care.
It whips at my heart,
Like the sea on sand.
Tearing me apart.
Relentless.
Is it possible to feel any more dead inside?
To know I cant share with anyone by my side.
Being told there's no way out, haunts me.
That I have to face this alone and let it be.
All of this could never hurt more,
Then just plainly being ignored.
found this on my facebook memories, one of the very first poems I wrote that made me realize how writing frees me.

I've grown up a lot, so this is a ode to who I use to be and how I'm not her anymore.
I think of you,
While in the streets.
Where the cold air blew,
Where sun and moon meets.

I think of you,
While in the jeep.
When people are few,
When I fall asleep.

I think of you,
While on the stairs.
Where we talked onto,
Where we gave cares.

I think of you,
While in the corridors,
When the sky is blue,
When all are happy colors.

I think of you,
Are you happy?
Do you think of me too?
Is this we are to be?

Thinking about you,
Ruins me.
Thinking about you,
Kills me.
Sometimes I don't know what to feel. But sure enough it's not what I always wanted.
Layer by layer,  I unravel love
And see the interlocking of eyes with passion 
Inhale the scent of romance, of you 
Feel the intertwining and gripping of hands 
Taste the sweetness of your breath 
Hear the sound of my heart beating 
In rhythm with yours 
In the climatic union 
Of two souls
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