Drip
Drip
Strike one.

She is a zombie walking down
An empty hallway

Drip
Drip
Strike Two

Will I ever feel the same?

Life isn’t a game,
You can’t act like nothing happened.
I know you think that I can’t lighten up.
But there is no sunshine to remind me what light looks like.
You’re jokes just make it worse
Because I’m not here to play.

Drip
Drip
Strike three.

Sorry— that these are my raw emotions
I’m fine— it’s not like you care
It doesn’t matter— anymore

Faking smiles
And trying to forget.
Oh wait, that’s contradictory.

Drip
Drip
Silence.

Were you hit?
By a
Truck?

I think you’ve seen
Better
        days.

Not that I could
Say this…

What if:
        I came that night?

Do
You even
        want
To come?

How.
Would you     respond
                To me?

Well,
At least I
        saw you.

Things could have gone
       Much worse.

I’ll just
        wait
For next time.

He is back in the business
And I’ve seen it for myself,
But then why do I feel it’s not over?
Like this is the beginning
Of something with potential
To be good or bad.

I should feel like
Flowers, sunshine, and happiness;
I’m really not complaining
(You would know if I was).
But I’m still not convinced
By the smile on his face.

the sun drips
like
a
yellow yolk

oozes
down
the gold knots
of my spine
breathe the first of Spring days
the radio plays our favorite song

i see you backwards
quickly
all the times we had
vulnerable;
gone.

the sky is blue, the lake is blue
your eyes are blu
and they say i look like your
sister
oh gods. help me
i can’t feel anything
except you
and everything here is you

i have never watched a single sunset with you in mind
lie
i have watched one;
the clouds that belonged to the sky had been kissed by the sun itself and they had melted into gold dust, spreading lemon chiffon, papaya whip and apricot; a sunset so beautiful you could taste it
and as vermilion started to seep through, there was all the fire but there was no smoke;
the sky was aflame, enriched and doused in dripping watercolour; i loved it
i loved seeing something so ferociously enticing be so innocent and composed, i questioned
how can this, this that evokes such burning emotion make me feel so at ease?
i stood and i watched the sun set;
there was nothing conceited about the way it moved, slowly;
knowing you'd come back the next day to watch it all over again.
and i did.
but i didn't think of you.

sunflower,
i love the way your
body dances with mine
the way your tongue
whispers “i love you”
like it is the world’s
best kept secret but
you’re sharing it with
me under blankets
under stars
a room dimly lit by
candles we forget to
blow out before we
fall lazily asleep,
your hand still holding
mine but so limp
it mimics vulnerability
and here i am
dreaming of you,
sunflower
we wake to the candles
still burning
we wake to the scent
of last nights
confessions, we wake
on a planet we have
built in our minds for
us two and we dance.
you hold the heart
of my heart in the palm
of your hand limply,
i am swallowing my
vulnerability and
feeling it glide through
my body as i breathe
out promise instead -
i love you but i do not
need to say it aloud
because it is there in
the way i smile
when you enter
the room;
it is there in the way
i try to string
words together
to create a poem
worthy enough of
always being yours.
my future doesn’t
exist without you
and i feel that in this
parallel universe
the sun follows the
sunflower instead,
because you hold
the heart of my heart
in the palm of your
hand and i will follow
you wherever you go;
to dance,
to light candles and
see the flame flicker
upon your face in
a room full of secrets,
knowing “i love you”
is ours.