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If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
"Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
"Okay"
Is off-brand raisin bran
"Okay"
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

"Okay"
Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

"Okay"
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
"Okay"
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
"Okay"
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
"Okay"
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
"Okay"
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
"Okay"
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
"Okay"
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
"Okay"
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
"Okay"
Okay?
i dread the day you learn
for the first time that
you can't just love all
the darkness in me away

and no matter how much
you care i will still toss
and turn at night and scars
might still appear on my skin

i dread the day you realize
that you can't cure me
and sometimes all you can do
is stand next to me and
hold my hand through fog
pouring out of my ears so black
and thick we can't even see
each other's faces

i dread the days i can't
get out of bed
the days you want to
take me out and all
i can manage is a prettified
shell of myself

i dread the day you learn
that sometimes no matter
how hard i try i still can't
pull myself together

the day you learn that
there isn't an answer
you can give that will
save me from my fears

you aren't the first person
who has tried to love the
darkness inside away
my family and friends
have given it their all
but someday you too will learn
that if love could
cure mental illness
the world would be
a much better place
copyright 8/6/18 b. e. mccomb
The distance between us is too far
You're sharp
I missed you as stars miss the shadow
I remember daily emotions you had surfed on words
& daily poetry I had checking on my mail index
How hard this exists
Secretly talking
Exactley happy
I wish I don't follow you
But you decide to leave
.
And so he sits
once more
folding his life
into an origami box.
Paper walls,
cellophane ceilings.
Counting out syllables.
Sequenced
to twist-**** the mind.
And quietly
he sits
ghosting the room.




© Pagan Paul (04/03/19)
.
An extra piece to my poem Fool's Diary posted 2 days ago.
.
here..
counting the  
rhythym  
of passing            
heartbeats
chasing      
fleeting  
car seats.        
everything      
r      
e                
d                        
drifting...
this has been sitting in my drafts kinda too long now and it took me a while looking at this to say that this is already a complete poem. i hope.

a little fitting right? sometimes the things we keep chasing all turn out as red lights in the end...
Today
I decided to write a poem
To put words together
In such a way
As to express
My innermost feelings

And I lost the words
And my thoughts drifted
And my computer keys stuck
And nothing came forward

So
Perhaps tomorrow
I will write a poem
To express my life
And for today
Perhaps
I’ll just go
Outside
To play
 Mar 2019 Carterrae aunders
Rue
I am her.
Yet, I am not.
I am the sun.
She was numb.
I am courageous.
She was nameless.
I am her.
Yet, I am not.
To my past me.
Two lovers
Chasing each other in circles
Able to meet
At a nonexistent corner
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