Monday, March 19, 2018
1:04 AM

I once loved to laugh,
and though I still do,
hidden beneath the ripple of joy
An echoing scar,
A teardrop of pain.

Once So loud and so free,
things hilarious to me,
Were projected for all to hear,
But now I've reflected on my laughter of past.

Of how many times that laugh was a tool,
to cover the pain caused by all of the fools,
The cruel words that were spoken,
and jokes left me broken,
As they all fell so close to home.

Leaving me weary and wary,
And oh so alone,
I comprised a charm to protect me from harm:
"Fools cant hurt me if I laugh along",
I'll steal their power with one of my own,
I'll laugh the loudest,
and i will laugh last.

While all of the while leaving a piece of it there.
Until one day none was left,
An empty and broken and hollowed out laugh,
A cruel joke of it's glorious past.

I fight
To protect her
But she was not in danger
She calls the enemies
And played with me

The real enemy
Was behind me
And hid under the mask
Oh man, what a mess.

You left around ‘06
And the wall called my guard is still up with these old bricks
I’m scared to tell a girl their heart is in good hands with me but my emotions in theirs is too slippery they won’t be able to get good grips
I feel more blue than red nowadays I feel like my affiliation belongs to the crips
Hennessy been looking better and better these past couple of days she might get these elite licks
She took my pain away after a few sips
Sike I’ll never fall for these plain Jane girls like French tips
You’d be surprised I’m 20 and haven’t fell for a hoes tricks
You can thank my mother and sisters for the guidance
Thinking you’d come back used to be a big hope in my mind that occurred in wide stints
But before I turn 20 I just wanna say I’m not mad at how your absence made me a hollow man
I’ll never know a mans love so when I tell my future kids that I love them I hope I can get them to understand
I’ll be the embarrassing dad just because I want them to know I’ll forever be apart of their life
I’ve dealt with that sharp pain of wondering if my life would’ve turned out better if you stayed in mine
So I’ll never want my kids to feel the pain of that knife
Again sorry for the long voicemail
Just some last minute thoughts before I turn 20

you can smell it
the war
it crawls up your spine
and your heart
it beats
or bursts
as the fire surrounds you
and as you clutch her hand
look into her eyes
you can see it
the war
and you hold on
as she nods
will you die with me?
on the spot

Lick my lips
Cradle my face
Gaze into my eyes
And tell me I'm safe