The squeaky wheel got the grease
      Was there no grease to spare?
         All I wanted was to be a good little wheel
               I learned to grease myself
                  With food                             Like I saw you do
                  To run from my emotions Like I saw you do
                  To mistrust others              Like I saw you do

Self sufficiency is earned
      Not by talent or skill
            But realizing that others
                  Don't care to fulfill  
                        Your needs or desires
                              Or their end of the deal.

Like a game of dodge ball  
      I am picked last
             Or at times not at all.

Doubts and fears control me
Like termites

They eat away at my heartwood
Unseen

The bark of my soul
Pristine

Outwardly fine
No visible scars
They're all inside me

An oak I stand
Belying the frailty of my soul
Structurally unsound

Ready to fall
At a single word

Hearts beating at different paces.
One flame growing brighter the other flickered and died
The dissonance of desire

Tired and lonely, Safe in my Bed
     Tomorrow’s a new day
            Filled with hope and with dread

The memory of joy  
     At the sound of her Text
            The reality of how I’ll never hear it again

The hope that one day I’ll crave a new sound
     That next time the spark will not sputter and die
            Like a flame snuffed out, a beautiful lie

Choose me
You never did
When time was spent
You didn't choose me
When love was shown
You didn't chose me
When pain was soothed
You didn't choose me

The squeaky wheel got the grease
Was there no grease to spare?
All I wanted was to be a good little wheel
That helped by never being needy
Never being greedy
I learned to grease myself
With food
Like I saw you do
To run from my emotions
Like I saw you do

Terrified you'd leave again
If I told you the truth.
That you'd run away from me
If I shared my hurt
That it'd be my fault this time
That I'd become the straw that broke your back