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  Oct 2018 Billy Tolosa
She Writes
You asked me why I like you
But I didn’t want to tell
Some of my reasons are cheesy...
But here is why I fell

I love the way your lips curve
When I make you smile
It makes me want to pull you close
And kiss you for awhile

I love the way your eyes twinkle
When you talk about things you love
I truely believe
You are a gift from above

I love that you are compassionate
You have such a big heart
That was the first thing I noticed
Right from the start

I love the way it feels
When you hold me tight
I finally feel safe
Like I could sleep through the night

I love that you don’t judge me
For my less than perfect self
That is more attractive
Than any amount of wealth

There are so many more reasons
But I’ll start with just this few
Maybe someday
I’ll give this poem to you

  Oct 2018 Billy Tolosa
Tori Ginter
Sometimes we fall
We break,
We move on,
Or we stay because we are afraid,  
We shatter the only thing we’ve ever known,
And it could be a because of a complication,
unfortunate events,
Or one simple thing.
Something like the truth
Mine was that you’d never love me
We won’t work
It’s not gonna happen
And for so long I struggled to swallow those words
I went back and forth from loving you directly
Then too loving you from a distance
For four years I have loved you
And this is my goodbye
Here it goes :
You once told me the way you get through life is too hold your head down and keep pushing through the problem until eventually you don’t feel anything. But I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’m gonna keep my head up and I’m gonna smile. I’m gonna laugh and I’m going to work through what I’ve had to deal with. Not by ignoring it but by facing it. Through out all this time I’ve been afraid you’d leave and I’d be alone but the truth is you were never really here and what has been my extensive thought of what love is
Has been me alone.
but you
my love,
will always hold a part of my heart. you will always have the part of myself i put into you. the part of myself i first learned to love.
you let go and even though i have taken my time, its time for me to let go too.
no more of your witty jokes or captivating smile
hands finding each other, lips locking together
late night calls
the moments that makes us who we are
ill still listen to that song and try to feel you out there
but believing us leaves me disconsolate
you were never mine too have nor keep
neither was i ever yours.
i used to see you in everything i touched
but i will no longer be looking.
i wish you the best in life and that you are happy
as i should.
the world will keep turning and my life will go on
as it should.
after four years of ups and downs im finally ready to move on and find my meaning in this world. since the moment i knew you i always pictured a story in my mind that involved you but  im seeing a different picture now. a realistic one. a better one.
  Oct 2018 Billy Tolosa
I should have smiled
when I entered,
dusted like a corner table
with flakes of Maine ash:
grandiose visions of what
I sought to be.
Passing long marble rows;
walking briskly to comfort;
ushered in by the chill.
Neighbors might see me,
but I am cold,
so I do not smile.

In the longhouse,
they celebrate man's
dominion over time.
They pluck paper crafts
by their roots,
and fashion a little gift for me.
Oh, I am merry inside,
singing of renewal,
but I'm tired,
so I do not smile.

In open theater,
upon the carbonite stage,
I find myself
balancing on a tightrope,
while the audience roars and jeers.
I could play their games,
and surely they'd accommodate,
but I am bare,
so I do not smile.

Then, I'm out in the quarry,
cutting stone into thirds;
sweating from the hot sun.
A family sits across the way --
see how they laugh with one another!
If I were born
under a different sign,
I might join them;
but as this is my duty,
I do not smile.

No, I'll walk in circles
like the rest.
I'll make certain
the boilers are filled,
without time
for green-speckled wishes,
or chatting with friends,
old and new:
It's up and down
the stairs with you!
...To see that crescent
creeping through
the winter sky
would do my heart well....
There it is,
alight on the trail!
Yet still I do not smile.

On the road to destiny,
stuck behind two sisters on horseback....
If I were free,
I would slow
to hear their pleasant conversation,
but as I'm in a hurry,
I spur my horse onward,
my eyes set straight ahead;
my cloak whips as I pass,
and I do not smile.

At the great meeting of chieftains,
we are all
seated in the hall.
I feel the weight
of approaching weeks,
and the cold desert river
that awaits.
My face rises and falls
like the tide on the Aral Sea.
In soft surprise,
I feel a presence behind me.
Surrounded by circling vultures....
No wonder I hesitate
to expose my flesh.
Sands penetrate my eyelids.
I take a quick glimpse,
but I am watched,
so I do not smile.

Soon, I come upon an oasis.
The water soothes
my parched throat,
and I,
a forager,
A hunting party makes camp
on the opposite bank.
I peer out through the shrubs....
Only a simple request
would rescue me,
but I am principled,
so I do not smile.

Watching fish jump by the water,
I long for that fading mornglow,
in tattered pots
and cairns,
by shuttered blinds,
where my emotions were kept.
All my love
is cradled in the shade.
Time moves on with haste,
and I do not smile.

At day's end,
I gather my belongings.
I rush to climb the peaks,
that I might meet her on the path.
Again, my heart lifts!
Her face appears in the distance.
With joy, I walk close to her.
I smile a little,
but does she notice?
How can one day's expression
erase those months of melancholy?
Now, my whole body forces a sigh;
I listen quietly to Otemoyan,
and I do not smile.
Written January 19, 2018.
Edited February 21, 2018.
  Oct 2018 Billy Tolosa
I've been looking for you in each stranger,
Each blue eye with sand hair makes me turn,
Each musical note I play is a reminder of your name,
I often forget to distinguish my voice from yours though this mics
I said I'll be strong but mama I miss you.

I guess blood is thicker than time than death since,
Each eye on this arena feels like yours
Every time I give life to this fiction characters
I hear your laugh,feel you cringe,
Each attempt to hide from this paps,
Feels like a carbon copy of yours,only with a failed attempt
I said i'll be strong but mama I miss you.

It's been a decade,I want to lie i'm stronger/mature i'm not
I still ball over and cry sometimes,especially days like this,
I still let them in even though you warned me about naivety,
I still shy away from the life you and dad gave us,
I know I said i'll be strong but mama I miss you.

I have loads of questions,so I ask the siblings you gave me,
Hoping they asked the same questions to you,
Hoping they pour your knowledge to me,
I watch  you,how you were,so beautiful so young,
I know I said i'll be strong but mama I miss you.

I've tried been good,
Though this creepy's make the search engine say am not,
I want to talk about your old man and your boys,
Right now though I'll be a little selfish because,
I know I said i'll be strong but mama I miss you.
  Oct 2018 Billy Tolosa
Laksmi Dewi
Once upon a solitude night in September
I caught the shadow of a stranger
It left me with a puzzled mind and a puzzled heart
Trying to figure it all at once
I kept questioning "Who is he? Is he real? Is he just a lie I make for myself?"
Clueless me, with a soul of a centaur, seeking for a truth
I walked into his shadow, slowly
Didn't know it'll take me to the real shape of someone, someone real
I looked at him
And it felt like epiphany

Once upon an ineffable day in October
The sun was shining and setting blissfully
We talked, he looked at me right in my soul
What a familiar stranger you were
Such a perfect contradiction
Dark and bright
Cold and warm
A serious man and a playful child
I felt like I don't know him but yet it felt like I knew him from the start
He rescued me from deserted, hopeless space where I once belong
And he was no more a stranger to me

Once upon a day in mid-November
The lightning strucked from every stance
Everything seemed to have fallen apart
and the darkest past still run to chase both of us
That's when I knew, even before I realized
that maybe I fell for him
with every pieces that remains

And now, in the end of cold December
I will ask him
To consider being my partner in crime
to help me continue writing our story
It might be blindingly beautiful
It could also be terribly tragic
but maybe
We will be some of the lucky ones
who will one day find a true bliss
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