i used to write about being sad -
the things i know:
how my fingers constantly grasped for
metacarpals the never really
fit with in mine
and how only the fire
that i poured down my throat
made me utter the words,
"i love you".
now i struggle upon embracing
how the drowsy-eyed glances
turned into sacharine stares,
the whispers of "you could love me",
places on top of mountains,
and freckles that i can count;
every single one of them.
if they say,
"write about what you know",
then where do i even start
about all of the things i don't?

I'm not myself when you're around
I sink back into old habits
You make me giggle like a teen
And I stutter and blush when I hear your name
Your voice sends shivers down my spine
Your hazel eyes like forest pools
Tiled with the falling leaves
Make my blood rush to my head
Your soft full lips were made to be pressed
Against mine with bruising strength
Your strong arms to crush me to you
In a hearted embrace
And I was made to live for you
My hair to curtain your face as we kiss
My nails to dig into your back
My yellowish eyes to hypnotize you
Into not feeling quite like yourself

We're all broken in some form
Yet we strive to be perfect
And pretend to be fixed.
What would the world be like
If we were all real about our brokenness?
Maybe we wouldn't
Feel so alone
Maybe, we'd all be a little
Less broken

Have you ever realised
How much you notice
When you really start to look.
When you really open your eyes.

You notice the girl
Who wears short sleeves
Exposing her cuts and scars
To the world

You notice the boy
Who is late for school every morning
And hardly eats anything
During the day

You notice the girl
Who always wears long sleeves
Who you hear rumours about
Who holds a handful of pills

You notice the boy
Who talks too loudly
And laughs too often
Yet always looks sad when he is alone

You open your eyes to yourself
You realise that this happy lie
The life you've been led to believe
Is really a cruel and sorrowful place

my heart beats fast & my hands shake
i should have stayed at home today
i try to escape my own mind
tug at my clothes & count the time
i can't sit still but i can't move
my mascara runs more than i do

the rain seems to wash everything new
but now that i'm thinking it through
we never would have worked anyway
because i always had to leave
when you begged me to stay
and i could never sleep
when we were together
because you made me feel alive
even in the gloomy weather.

I wanted you to be
the one in the car beside me
sitting still
watching the lights on the freeway
pass us by

speaking quietly
words about ourselves and each other
using stories as a reason to stay
there in the moment  

I wanted the way you can hear someones smile
rather than see it
I wanted you to be one hundred percent mine  
just for that short amount of time

I wanted you to be a simple pleasure
a single simple moment  

I wanted you to be something you were not
for I came to realize

you were not simple at all