-magnetic
-physical
-social

these are the types of connections
i experience
when i see you.

you do not know
how alluring you are (to me).

you do not know
how at home you feel (in my arms).

you do not know
i want you (us) to be more
than this.

i want you to be mine (only mine).

but you will never know (my thoughts).

and i can only hope
that you feel this connection too
(my love,
please let me know).

i am the architect of my own demolition.
i know what ive done, but i will not admit
that i am the cause.
i know that by admitting it,
i will never be able to live with myself.
so with that,
i choose to blatantly ignore
all evidence you throw at me.
i will ignore my own head,
yet alone
the thoughts that rage in yours.

but the funny thing is,
my head will forever be louder
than the words you continue to yell at me.
my head is equivalent to
the loud static of a broken television;
only not able to be turned off.
i am saving myself from my own destruction.
but at the same time
i am creating more for you.

you are the rug i sweep all my actions under.
you are the jar i hide all my confessions in.
for i am a monster,
a monster only seen
when i look into the mirror.
you are my mirror.

long days = long nights
long nights
are the only thing i’ve been trained for.
i’ve been chained to you.
long nights become longer
because i am missing you.
you are my hope to be who i want to be,
but you are the only thing
that's holding me back from being
me.

it is complex,
like the waves
that crash their beauty into the sand;
only to retract and wash away its traces.

it appears and comes by so suddenly.
and it could leave you in the dark
just as quickly.

it could be the transition of winter to spring;
the once cold and conceited atmosphere transforms into something full of light and growth.
the flowers bloom and bring back that familiar warm feeling;
the feeling of compassion and admiration.

it could be the way your cheeks take upon a rosy tint when the temperature drops
and the sky becomes a milky white tone.
it mends your shallow brain,
it shows you things
that aren’t noticeable to those who have lost their faith.
these things melt the ice barrier you have kept around your heart for so long.

it could be the way your words and promises dance upon the rays that pour through the window in the early morning;
words and promises that are full of
innocent truth instead of guilt.

it could be all of these lovely things,
but it can also be the hurricane that destroys it all.
it can manipulate you
with is energy and magnificence,
do not let yourself get caught in the storm.

in the light of pure adolescence;
we see.
and in the air of willful disobedience;
we breathe.
our actions fuel off of the energy
of the violent sunsets.
and we find our individual tranquility
in the nights in which we wander.
not only do we wander, but we wonder.

the playful range of shades the sky possesses
makes us wonder and wander.
looking past on the identities
we were told to portray,
we create our own full of
vibrancy and reason.
this identity gives us a powerful passion
that thrives off of the rays of the sun.
a passion that gives us the motivation to
continue on this messy road of colors.
to continue on our ephemeral yet indelible
adventures throughout the course of life.

how do you love something back to life?
how do you heal someone who is unrepairable?
what do you rely on? what do you use?
hope is merely but a bandaid on a broken bone.
no amount of love can fix what was already broken.

we were broken from the start;
nothing more and nothing less.
we built our love on a foundation of false hope.
nothing more
and nothing left.