We break ourselves,
Trying to become whole.

The countless hours spent
Popping pills,
Smoking,
Drinking.
Just trying to fill in the cracks,
Between my fractured pieces.

Cutting
Crying
It was never enough
It never will be

"Stay strong"
I don't want to anymore.
My body wants to ease into the comfort
Of letting go.

Let me go.
Let me drift off
into the calm unknown void

The pain I cause
trying to mend my broken pieces.
Is no use.
I am broken.

Past the point of "damaged goods"
I've been at the bottom of the clearance bin
Inevitably to be thrown out
If only they'd remember I was here

Tears fall,
Blood oozes,
And I still feel empty.

Let me go
I want to give in.
My fractured soul
Can't be fixed.

Most of the time,
I just feel useless
I feel like a waste of space

I’m not good enough
I’m never going to be enough
I’m too depressed to even get good grades
I have lost every friend I have managed to make

I’m a wreck
I can’t take care of myself
All I want to do is fall asleep and never wake up

Doctor, oh doctor
Help me breath again,
Stitch up the lines on my wrist
And paint my desolate brain

Doctor, oh doctor
I couldn't feel my face
They told me I would be okay,
They told me it was just a phase

Doctor, oh doctor,
I feel like death
Everything hurts,
And I don't want to breathe again

There is underneath my tongue,
underneath the small fold extending from
The floor of the mouth, in between flesh and bone,
a small mass of tissue, which is my tumor.

This mass, of untraceable origin,
does not cause pain, or anguish,
is not evil, is not lethal.
Still it grows
Ever so slightly, it grows
And weighs.

I am reminded of my tumor,
every now and then,
whenever I feel the graying,
whenever I feel the weighing,
every now and then,

Whenever,
I see a strange looking dog with a strange sounding bark,
Whenever,
I see a man miraculously escaping death on the road,
Whenever,
My favorite tune is playing on the radio,
Whenever,
I let out a hearty guffaw,
My tumor grows.

It grows,
It weighs,
It numbs.

Because,
Whenever there's a story to be shared,
Whenever there's a smile to be seen,
Whenever there's a song to be heard,
Whenever you are not there and something goes unsaid,

My tumor holds it in,
And grows.