Now I don't know the words to say to make it okay,
But listen.
It won't rhyme right, there will be no flow,
But these words come straight from my soul.
In your life there comes a darkness so deep;
A personal hell for you to keep,
They call it a dark paradise.
Now he's gone and there's no going back, no refund for death, and no returns for life.
I know you're sinking deeper and I know you're scared to breathe,
I know I'm selfish, and terribly hard to please.
But don't for a moment think I don't hear your screams, your pleas,
you begging him to come home.
I don't know what it's like,
But I know you're not alone.
He's waiting in the wings yet he stands beside you-
He watches you while you sleep,
why do you think he's always in your dreams?
And you are not weak, you are so strong,
Amanda, keep going,
I am no medium but I promise
that's what he's saying.
I don't mean to be defensive, I just don't understand
I don't understand your pain and I don't understand my own
Something's different and will never be the same
But I want you to know he's got you in his hands,
And your love is set in stone
You won't forget his face, the history, his name,
You won't forget a **** thing.
On your skin the hair will rise
At the thought of his touch.
And on your mind he will linger
Until the end of time.
It's too much, it's too soon,
it's tough luck, it's out of tune
Forgive death for taking him away,
Forgive yourself for not being okay.
Forgive me for not knowing what to say,
And forgive the world, for that fateful day.

You follow me into a dark room
Only to let go of my hand.
I wish my words were more vague,
Something no one could understand.
Blunt and to the point.
I heard you got new windows,
Same painted canvas with
A brand new frame
All the colors you can see-
We don't see the same.
Do you remember the way you
Held my face in photographs?
Or the clench of your hand around my neck?
Do you remember the throes of passion
That I guess were one sided-
See, I remember everything,
Every good memory is yours to keep.
But I'll forget them soon enough,
And remember how you broke me,
And the rest, well, that's history.
If I could word it better, you know I would
It's been over a year since I met you,
And I love you more than I should.
There's a thousand bridges burning down in my chest
Ashes and smoke, above and below
There is no hope for us now.
You can get rid of my things,
You can replace them;
You can wash me away,
Cleanse your body of me.
But you cannot erase history.

Sick of your apologizes
Because sorry cannot wash the blood off our hands
Here is our love's eulogy-
Here is the darkness in which I stand.

When your only passion has been cut short
When all you had to live for is twisting around into a world
Where everything has gone wrong
And no poem, rhyme or song
Can put it back in place.
See, I had dreams of keeping lives safe,
But now I don't know the right I hold
To do so, to be so bold,
I am not sure if I will make it out okay.

I've regressed back into that void where empty promises are sunlight and lust is the closest I can experience to trust
And I don't remember a lot of things, I don't remember what it's like when I'm on the verge
All I know is it's all I have to avoid
I don't understand why I have to live off of artificial serotonin and coping methods
And I don't understand why I have to live at all, sometimes,
Sometimes I think you were the best thing to happen to me but the worst thing I've ever had to lose.

I know it all, I've heard it all before
All these reasons why I'm here
All these people who care
It all becomes make believe in the face of my hell,
My own personal hell crafted by my mothers broken teeth and my fathers swollen feet
I like to think I ****** up for a reason.

I've burnt the 3,000 mile long bridge
Constructed between two points; known as me and you.
I liked to call it love, but the flames engulfed all of that hope, too

I'm not going to apologize,
Because sorry cannot wash the blood off our hands

Memories to make or break you,
And dreams to show the truth.
Neither will save you,
But rather, remind you of what you had
Before you threw it all away.
20 pills down the hatch
Couldn't make the world a better place.

I see you in my sleep,
I feel you in everything I see.
Everything I loved, was everything I lost-
I swear I used to be so free.

My words are recycled from times of agony,
Just rearranged to fill the space you took when you walked away.
Now I don't see how I was preparing to tell you
That I would spend the rest of my life
Waiting for you to love me.

All of me was lost in you,
And my identity is fractured- no,
Shattered.
I don't understand how it was so easy for you to choose
To leave me for good;
I must have never mattered
To you.

I've been meaning to write something like this for a while
But the time hadn't come like it just has
Where words and a desire for death mesh
Into something that someone might be able to relate to,
I don't know, maybe not, but in all actuality
I'm here just to find a way to let this out without
Ending it all in that way that's always called selfish-
You may call this a suicide note, or maybe a testament to living

When my light dims to darkness
But right before you forget all about me,
I hope that you sing about me.

Embers to light the way, nothing less nothing more
Everyone gives up, everyone gets tired of you eventually
They say all you can count on is yourself,
But what about when it's yourself that's trying to **** you?

When my light dims to darkness
But right before you forget all about me,
I hope that you sing about me.

When the time comes I don't know where I'll be
Who I'll be
What I'll be
But all I know is that no one will take me
Unless it's my hand.

Recovery must be a fallacy;
Because right when I taste it's sweet release
I find myself alone, backtracking

When my light dims to darkness
But right before you forget all about me,
I hope that you sing about me.

Dear first love,
Memories and dreams are all I can know you from now.
Years ago, when we were in the same space and time
You visited my slumber a few moments ago,
It gave me a few things to say.

Dear first love,
How dare you encounter me
Beside my lover, in bed, asleep?
And how dare you be so far away
In reality?
Have you forgotten me?
What was I to you?
Something short of nothing?

Dear first love,
I know I sound bitter, angry
But those feelings are put to rest
They say you never forget your first love,
And you don't stop loving them either.
What went through your mind when you saw me
Say your name in the throes of passion
Was it love? Was it all made up in my head?

Dear first love,
I would be lying to say it doesn't hurt
To see you've moved on.
It's been four years now
Since we parted
But something still pains in my chest
When I hear your name, or see your face

Dear first love,
I am sorry.
It's safe to say I trapped you
Between my love and my pain
I hope that you are falling more in love
Every single day.
I hope that your hip has lost the chronic pain,
I used to massage it away.
I hope that when I cross your mind
There is no bitter end,
And although we'll never see each other again
I will never forget you, and neither could my pen.

I see you
With your distant eyes and lazy stare
I follow you
Through demise and through despair
Though we know not of it yet
There will come a time where our sun is set

And when it comes I will be here
Waiting for you endlessly, without fear
Something you carry deep within;
It won't let you love again.

So I know our differences are laid aside
For our familiarity is something hard to find.
As the sun rises high, only to set in time
I wait for you endlessly, without reason, or rhyme.