i.
moments are ephemeral
so i hold on tightly
to the closeness of you.
our arms linked together,
you keep bumping into me
and i keep colliding into
you.
it's as if we are stars,
and we make our own
little boom
in this sky.

we're almost a firework, honey.
we're almost-

ii.
hey.
long haired sweetheart,
golden boy of no where,
your halo is skewed,
but i bet you'd taste like lights.
you're the brightest
type of shine.
sure, you glow in the dark,
but you're glowing in the light too.
and they say,
you're brighter with me,
they say you are
just as smitten
as i am.

maybe we can make this work, honey.
maybe we can-

iii.
what if i was to paint you in indigo,
sew patches of
a blank night sky
onto your dimples,
and hang stars from your
butterfly lashes?
would you
let me sit on your lap like
it's a throne,
make me your
queen,
so that i can say i've made
the human form of night time
my lover.
king of hearts, conqueror of the day.

we hold on, because it heals our tired hurt, honey.
we hold on-

congratulations,
you are unloved;
undissolved in a world you
watch through glass.

and once again,
you are nine; in the bathroom,
on that floor, as
the blue tiled walls reflect,
and replay
over and over and
over,

and
you wish that
you never truly woke up, from
the strange mix of dream
and reality you
succumbed to long ago,

like a princess, at
rest;
wrapped in thorns

maybe
you'd never have had to pack
that sleepover bag every time
he made you cry,
.
leak

even as the tv still played
cartoons, snot still
ran, and you still
bled (and left).

It's like there's bitter in the sunshine
Looking forward to the days ahead
I'll learn, something worse or difficult
Can't release pressure on everything

Let the winter rain decide my sleeps
Half eyed, must warm up my lungs
Run to the bleeding point, I will stop
Where there's smoke, I'll rush there

Frozen birds in the street paths
Decaying without belief in heat
The beauty or fierce of winter
Snow flakes fall to cover reality

Make something beautiful, and perfect
2. Break it

Break my bones,
Just not my heart!

If I could force myself awake I would,
If I could push away all the nightmares, I would.

But I can't.

And within my sleep
I find no peace
From what was done,
Or who I was.

And I can feel cool, dry air
Rushing through my pores,
And through my nerves into my bones.
As my teeth clatter and my limbs shake
I am become vividly aware
Of the smell and taste of blood
That I can't quite get rid of.

No matter how many times I brush my teeth,
Or how often I prepare baked goods,
It lingers in the back of my head,
A memory that is much too real,
Much too there.

But each time I close my eyes,
I find myself drifting in the ****** ashes
Of bridges I had to burn
To preserve whatever sanity I had left.

And the fear that our bridge may be one
That will be burned in some way, shape, or form
Brings the flashbacks to a halt,
And I wish I could say, within the dream,
That I was demanding and loud
And told you not to.

That I fought tooth and nail
For you to stay.

That I chased you down.

That I begged you not to disappear like everyone else.

I wish I could say that.

But I didn't.

No. Instead I only said,

"Break my bones, just not my heart."*

And into the darkness you receded,
Ignoring my wish,
Just like everybody else.