I spent this year as a ghost
the kind that lingers in corners
watching time pass by and by

I spent the winter writing poems
about getting better, but I've still
been here alone so many times

But I'm done with all that ****
and I'm coming out swinging
and I'm turning my back on the past.

Why aspire to be stardust
when you can be the
iron that creates it;
the element that causes
explosions of the largest stars
and resilience that holds the
whole universe together?

Tonight I dread trying to
write my thoughts on paper
but I feel like I have no other
choice but to try.

I want to try to express
the pain I feel when
I see the world.
It hurts me to see
others hurt more than me.

I see the world
full of others feeling
and breathing and
suffering from losses
too soon to grieve.

I wish I could imagine
such a world where suffering
wasn't the basis of life
and where we must suffer
to understand the love behind all feelings.

Dear God,

I know you've tried your hardest to heal me, to rid me of my wounds that have been caused by all of the trials in my life, but they still hurt. I ask you this, are they always going to hurt? Will I forever faintly feel this pain? Because I cannot stand the constant reminder of my mistakes nor can I stand the afflictions caused by the ones who once cared for me. I wish and pray for you to continue to be a beacon of light in my life and to shed wisdom and answers to my questions. I just feel so fogged and lost. I want to find my path again.

Psalms 31:3
*For You are my rock and my fortress; For Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me.

It felt as if
my heart burst through
my chest and shined
with the brightest colors
like a blazing sunrise.

I couldn't breath
because the feeling
weighed so heavily
on my chest
I couldn't bear it.

So I ran,
I ran away from
the cause of all
my pain
that was created.

Your love, I couldn't bear it.

I don't want to write
about the aches and pains,
the light-as-a-feather feeling
of love anymore
because they aren't
just some words you
write on paper,
they're the feelings
left from the one
you thought was the one
and they weren't
and I don't want that anymore.

There are things that I love more than anything in the world:
the smell of the rain on pavement,
the sound of crunching autumn leaves,
watching a blizzard while sitting by the fireplace.
But most of all, my favorite thing was how you used to
hold me and whisper "I love you" in my ear.

I'm in love with a mother's son
with brown hair and brown eyes
with a husk in his voice
and gently pursed lips
in just a t-shirt and blue jeans.

Now, you see, it's been years
since we've spoken or even seen each other
but I can still remember what it feels like to
touch the stubble on his face
and feel his fingers interlaced with mine.

I've been trying to come to terms
with the way life is --
its ups and downs
twists and turns
and all the spaces in between
that I can't control --
and I have no idea whether to
accept that this is the way
life is or find a way to
change me.

To the ones who
don't see the light
and feel the demons
beneath your skin,
I pray that one day
you will feel the brightness
that comes from happiness
and you can break the chains
that bind you
because why do others
deserve the light
when all you see is darkness?

I would rather feel
the harsh sting from your silence
than nothing at all.

The roads, they sway
and curve like
the veins that
run up my arms
fueling the life
inside me
like the roads that
live forever
through the night
until daybreak
until they crumble
and decay
like the skin that
protects my
long lasting veins
but they'll always
leave behind
the memory of
how both lived
the fiercest lives.

I never craved life as much
as I did when I was with you
but now there are holes in my chest
and the fire is dying down
and I can't find the excitement
I once possessed.

It feels so long ago
that you left me to the wayside
and I can't believe I can't shake it,
shake you from my skin
I just crave to have that spark of life
once again, by myself, without you in it.

You must try to move on
and rid your skin of the
tiny pieces of pain
and free your soul
of the memories that
make you feel so alone
because in all reality
there will always be
someone there for you
you'll always have that
shoulder to lean on
and cry your eyes and heart out
and they will never want to leave you
no matter how scared you are that they might.

I died that night
where we sat on either
side of our empty bed
tears in my eyes
and hands shaking.

I died that night
when you said
you don't love me
the way you used to;
I couldn't say a word.

I died that night
when you packed the
only suitcase we owned
and went to the door
and my screams wouldn't

bring you back to me.

The sadness is beginning to set in
like the grapevines that grow up the side of an old brick house
gnarled and tangled in such a unfixable mess
just like the inner workings of the soul of mine
that once felt love and beauty and strength
growing in bouquets of flowers from my chest
unfortunately those flowers rotted and decayed
yet never really left, just like the proof that's shown
from the overcrowded webs of vines that still grow
up the side of that old brick house.

You could change me
if only you'd be here
by my side
until the end of time.

You could fix my broken bones
and mend the holes in my heart
and tell me that everything
will be alright, only if you want.

But in all honesty
I need you more
than you need me
and so I beg you to just stay.

I can taste the iron
that lingers in my mouth
as my veins beg for
the hilt of the knife
to press down and release
the pain that lays inside
my overflowing arms
with nightmares and memories
that are too far embedded in my soul
that they will no longer allow me
to live, so I must die.
It’s the only way to save what’s
left of me.

That was the night that
Radiohead blared through
my radio speakers
and we made out like
it was going out of style
and the stars shined so bright
as we held each other
on the hood of my car
and to this day
I wonder why
because everything was so great
and i loved you 'til the very end.

It takes time to learn
how to be alone
because being alone
means dealing with the silence
and sleeping through the lonely nights
and having to go day in and day out
having only yourself to lean on.

We no longer have to
carve our names into trees
or scribe them on a sheet of parchment
or even imprint them on our hearts like a tattoo

because, baby,
trees grow old and die
I crumbled that piece of paper long ago
and scars, over time, heal.

Oh, how amazed I am by the beauty that
radiates from the center of your being
as if your only purpose in life was to live
to bring joy to those who witness your love that you give
Oh, how I long to be your companion
lazying the day away, observing the world at our stem.

I wish you would use it's wing-like petals
to fly, but instead you stay in the ground
soaking up sun and watching as
a young couple has
fun on a hand-me-down quilt
that the girl's grandmother once gave her.

Oh, what a life of happiness you must lead.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
that saves a wretch like me
one so undeserving of the love
that is brought upon me.

I once was lost
in a coldhearted rage
for the world around me
appeared to be so against me.

But now I'm found
I am in love with life
because You showed me
that all is possible.

I was blind but now I see
I see the glory in all that life is,
all of it's ups and downs
and I see I will always be promised eternal days.

I can't avoid you
you're everywhere
all of the time
-- you're in my clothes
on my bedsheets
even under my skin --
and I was never taught
how to get rid of something
(someone) that made me
hurt like hell.

I see how the light reflects off the riverbank and the trees sway in the gentle wind and how the flowers glow in the everlasting sunshine and then there's me: breathing it all in, cherishing every moment because I'll never know if I'll get another chance like this imperfect perfection.

I still feel the pains of missing you
when I sleep,
when I wake,
when I look at myself in my lonely mirror.
All I feel is that it’s helplessly my fault.

She let herself lose control in
the blue-black depths of her heart
that rolled with the undertow of
thoughts and memories that consumed her.

Waves upon waves crashed upon her
as she tried to forget the
days when she smiled with love
but those days no longer existed.

She couldn't find it in her to
see the glory of the air
that kept her lungs from collapsing
or the wind blowing her hair.

I want You to take me up
and crash me into Your waves
with the force of Your love
and protect me from the undertow
because I know You're always
by my side, I can trust You.
I only pray that You don't
let me sink into the darkest depths
of my unforsaken heart
and help me see the sunset.

She's got jade in her eyes
and amber in her hair
and pearls in her smile
and skin of porcelain

She smells of honeysuckle and rosemary
and tastes of licorice and mint
and feels like the smooth side of my pillow
as she rests her head on my neck

And if I could ask for one thing in this world
it would be to have her by my side
from this day forth and forevermore
'til heaven and earth collide.

Some women are lost in the fire
circling the flames without a care

But I want to be built from the fire
feeling the flames abrupt from my chest

And I need to have the passion of
the roaring waves of rouges and orange

And I can't live another day without the heat
from the love I have for the life I lead.

Don't let me crack my heart just so you can see me bleed.

If you try to hurt me
with your words
as if they were needles
that pricked into my spine
just know that
baby, only words bleed
and that wounds heal
with time.

I can picture that one day
we will be together
and we will be happy
and so in love
walking along the coastline
hand in hand
laughing, touching
and we will stay out until the sun set
praying that the day will never end
because you can't imagine the possibility
of never having another day
without them.

Yeah, I hope for that one day.

I know it's going to be awhile
for this feeling to subside
because for the longest time
you were the only one
that had my heart
and kept it safe.
You were the only one.
I thought I'd only have
these eyes for you.
But that isn't true.

I can still taste the
blackened ash on my burnt lips
left by three coarse words.

These days have got me so low
but the nights tend to make me worse
I no longer leave my four-cornered room
or the bed sheets that cover my worn and tired face
that have cried all of the tears that my eyes can produce
and these bed sheets no longer warm me at night,
my room no longer keeps me safe and sound,
the nights grow so much darker than before,
and the days just aren't long enough.

I wish you were there
to fight the bad dreams
off for me, but really
you can't help but
help the demons
choke and squeeze my lungs
to release the air that
I need to breath and you
couldn't have cared less.

One night I watched a girl
as she immersed herself into the sea
with tears streaming down her face
but there was no telling any difference
between the salty waves and
the droplets that left her screaming eyes.
And I didn't know how to help her
or why she cursed the night sky
as if it brought her pain to see darkness.
But all the while, or really not until just before
did I realize this girl was me
as she sank to the ocean floor.

People will ask me
if there ever is a point
to anything other than this
and I will tell them that
yes, yes there is.

In everything you do
you should do it with love
and hope, passion, grace
whether at the courtesy of others
or for one's own pleasure.

With all of your heart
you must try to see the light
even on the darkest eves
for it will guide you through
your most difficult trials.

And lastly, oh, but lastly
shall you see the world
as your canvas -- plain, white and delicate
in need of a great story
to be placed upon it.

We rode the night
like the back of the wind
high on incense and adrenaline
skating through alleys and street signs

The sky lay dark and glittery
as if it were covered in cheap jewelry
like the earrings that hanged from my lobes
that your lips touched when you kissed my neck

It was a night to remember
with the person you love
without one **** to be given
except about this moment.

I got lost chasing light in darkness
until I decided to become the light.

I've given up on you
and the sick things you do
that destroy the very parts
of me that still felt alive inside.
Why could I have not been stronger?

This is what I need --
to be free,
to break the chains
that hold my wrists
so tightly --
because I can no longer
be a slave to these
empty emotions
that have never
brought me warmth.

I loved you to the point of ruin
but instead you filled my lungs with ash.

I often find myself
stuck in the what ifs and the should'ves
because for the longest time
those moments were better than reality
I would miss the days where you and I
would spend hours with each other
doing God knows what
and I didn't care if those moments
were no longer mine.

However,
my life was consumed by these old haunts
and I was drowning in hopes of getting them back
and if I hadn't spoken to you one last time
or wrote that first poem about you
after years of silence
maybe I could've grown out of this phase.
I no longer can live in the past
because there's a reason it left me a long time ago.

I knew that if I
let the blood run dry
from the slit you left
on my wrist
I'd be free.

Paint a picture of me
near the riverside
beneath a willow
I'll wear that yellow dress
you liked so much
and I'll rest my cheek upon my hand
and brush the hair from my eyes
and stare through the canvas on which you paint
and then I'll whisper to myself that
after this, all you have left to look at
is this picture.

I shall say goodbye for at least a little while for I have lost purpose in this site. I no longer look forward to mail in my inbox or posting my deepest feelings for the public to read. If ever I do get these joys back I shall return to Hello Poetry with open arms. But until then I say adieu.

Two poets fell in love
with words that flowed
from the same fingertips
that grazed each other’s faces
and emotions that fell on paper
just as they found their way
into their hearts.

And this went on for quite some time
as their hearts bled like the ink from a pen
until there was nothing left but
blackened tears that lined the parchment.

I've lost the words to
say how I feel to someone
who no longer listens.