We each
                     Hope to find true love
But often
                      This simple premiss lack
That once
                      It’s to us gifted
We’re obliged
                       To give it back
WIZDUMBs BY JA 644

Day 1: I want to tear my skin off. My heart is beating so fast i can barley breathe. I feel so filthy.
Day 2: I can't believe this. I don't want to be here. Why did this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Day 5: I guess I drank too much and my friends were to drunk to stop me.
Day 10: I can't face my friends, I can't live my life.
Week 3: No one knows. He hasn't said a word.
Week 6: It happened again, I was sleeping and he did it again. Why did I stay the night? Why didn't I go straight home?
Week 7: He left and kissed me goodbye. I don't know how to feel.
Week 10: My life's out of control, I can't believe whats happening.
Month 5: My boyfriend knows. But not all details. Just thinking about it, makes me want to take a shower.
Month 8: I finally came clean to my friends. They're appalled. They hate him now. I still feel filthy. I can't get his smell off my body still.
Month 11: The anniversary is soon. What am I going to do?
Year 1: I haven't spoken to him in months. I haven't thought about it in days. I still feel as if hes on top of me, why can't I wash him away?

Its an uphill battle with myself and others. Some days I can't get out of bed or even feel like breathing.
But I try not to let him get to me. Because if he sees my weakness from what hes done,
He's won.

i.

Coming out of the state of anabiosis, mine form was ripped and torn, mine adorn was battered and burned, I went through Hades whilst the pit of death's kiss shattered me in agowilt;

ii.

I was dying, in Hell's kilt; once a shape, now ***** in a pit of unsatisfactory demon's; roped, doped, bleeding.

iii.

The scaled creature's bit me, the ceiling's muck dripped me, whilst at mine ending breath's, a light shined forthward, a Filipino empress.

iv.

I was nothingness: a mess, molested, infected, by the realm of raven's nest's. That's when she thundered in, in Baro’t saya wonder; twas me who on the sea, on her lip's i swirled up-with Satan down under, mine tears hadst fluttered by like butterfly's; mine ghost awoke with Jane;

v.

Twas, she was
Heaven on
Mine side;
She took me
For a ride,
Back to
Life
Again!!!



©Brandon Nagley
©Lonesome poet's poetry
©Earl Jane Nagley dedicated ( Filipino rose)

sometimes i feel like going back in time
to try to tell myself things that i didn't know then
to try to save myself from the ache that made my heart bend

he didn't love you for your soul
he didn't love you at all

he's not going to stay
don't hold out that hope

please let him go
please let him go
please let him go

because i'm still trying to say these things to myself today
and i don't know for how long i'm going to have to
until i begin to realize it was all just a mistake
and i've confused another stranger with a soulmate.

it doesn't make sense for me to feel this way
because you're not even mine
but i still can't help feeling the way that i do
like i'm drowning and the water is digging into my lungs like a knife
i'm tired of the way my heart wants something that it can't have
making me feel sad at night over things within my grasp
but can't really hold with my hands