We were
under the bridge;
looking at the street lights
and the half frozen,
patiently racing
river.
               We started talking
about all the things
we've done;
all of the things we
simply did.
               And I thought to myself...
        "maybe this is growing up."

We're
         falling
                in
                   love;
And the rest
is just
science.

I was told to
always
be
honest.
          But you wouldn't
      have cared if
      my words
      were
      true
         anyways.
  
You only needed
      me to
make yourself
      feel
    beautiful.

Leave me,
Like a
     ruined book
          collecting dust.
   Abandon me,
Like a steel mill
       consumed
  by rust.

Tell me about
    Tomorrow,
As if it were
       Today.
And I'll try to find
    Acceptance,
In the things
  I cannot change.

I often find
       myself in
                situations
      where I feel
                   as if I'm running
out of time.
          
           but I've realized that I'm
only seventeen...
      
              And time is all
      I
       really
           have.

She was soft-spoken
With a heavy heart,
I could see in her eyes
That she had been through hell and back,
And lord only knows what those eyes had seen.

Daddy was never home,
Momma never called,
And although she had a few friends that always stayed true,
She still managed to feel alone.
She wanted something more; acceptance and love.
But when she finally worked up the courage to say hello to the popular cliques.
They just put her to shame,
Made her feel worthless,
As If no one knew her name.

And one night when she returned home after another long day.
She closed her bedroom door,
And turned off the lights.
She knew what had to be done,
As she waved a white flag for a battle the world had won.

With the tilt of a pill bottle,
Emptying it all,
She finally felt okay.
She finished writing her good-byes with tears of joy falling from her face,
She was so content that she could finally leave her personal hell.

So she crossed her T's, dotted her I's, and left no stone unturned,
And as she dreamed, and hoped, and yearned.
An eternity of rest and desires impatiently waited for her.

She left on her desk, a note for her friends,
She needed to make sure they knew they weren't at fault.
She assured each of them that their presence was appreciated and adored.
And that all the sleepless nights they spent together, trying to make everything all right, didn't go in vain.

Along with a message to her mom and dad,
Apologizing for all of her wrong doings and explaining why she felt responsible as to why their relationship never worked.

She didn't want to guilt trip them or target any blame,
She just needed for them to know that things had gone and changed.

She expressed her love for the both of them,
With a passion that burned like an open flame,
At last, she apologized one more time,
Before she turned her back on all the words that she once said.

Shortly after she put her things away and made her bed,
She started feeling the side-effects.
She resumed to lay down for the final time,
With a look of contentment in her eyes.
She felt like the world wanted her dead,
And her only way out was to accept the end.

I looked for dedication
in the shortcuts
     of my mind.
and only found
inspiration
from the things
       I can't define.

I heard that loose lips sink ships,
But I refuse to stay silent.
You can try to bring me down,
But I'll still stand defiant.

My time is now
You can't take that from me.
Why do you always try
To cut me down at the knees?

I know you can't stand it;
I know you want these feelings to die.
So keep feeding me your excuses,
Because I can taste all the lies.

Walk a mile in my shoes,
Then just maybe, you'll see.
We grew apart,
Because your love was a *******
                                            Disease.

For about six years,
I haven't been able to control my emotions.
For about six years,
I've struggled to wake-up in the mornings without wanting to change who I am.
For about six years,
I have given-up every single poistive thing about me
because I am hooked.
For about six years,
I thought I was cool.
For about six years,
I thought my life was riding high on "Cloud-9"
For about six years,
I've been dependent on any chemical that will alter my mind.
For about six years,
I've struggled to look at my own reflection.
For about six years,
I've made my family cry and push me away.
For about six years,
I've watched friends come and go.
For about six years,
I've been lying to the people I love.
For about six years,
My life has been nothing but a blur.

For about six years,
I've wanted to stop.

And today
will be
that
day.

read from bottom to top*


down
   us
     bring
            to
               try
           they
when
        smoke
   like
     rise
We'll

Life is a
constant pull
between
running &
fighting

and

your brain
tricks you
into believing
that

nobody cares.

It is all in your head.
Not in your heart.

Every day that you wake up,
you have a choice
to be better
or worse
than the day before.

And even if there
is no point to
this life-

let that be a reason
to ignore
all of the people
that drain you
of your energy
and let go of
the problems
you CANNOT control.

This world is
temporary.
This pain is
temporary.
This moment
is temporary.

And so are you.

Please,
smile more.
Laugh more.
Express more.
Do everything you can to
leave your mark.

There is no concept of time,
anymore.

There is only you
and what you adore;

keep it.

I think I'll fall asleep in an hour
I think I'll be dead in a week
I'm sick of bitter arrogance-
it isn't something unique.
In fact it's kind of grotesque
the way I choose to progress
it's like i'm slowly
cutting from my
feet
and stopping
at my chest.
Do you get it yet?
Do you find it hard to understand?
Am I not what you were looking for
or do I need to be better than I am?
I'm only asking.
I think that's fair.
But then again I'm getting acquainted with
despair.
I tell myself it isn't real.
I try to believe that you care.
But all that goes out the window when
I see you are not there.
It's unusual;
the way I trip
over myself.
Therapists and teachers
always said I needed help.
But I didn't believe them.
Ignorant was how I felt.
Trapped, corner,
isolated-
I was ****** with what was dealt.
Just know that I didn't keep it.
I just walked right on out.
And for every moment
I've been defeated-
at least I wasn't

someone else.

I used to believe
that I would
never
be able to
move on...

But whenever I woke up
this morning,

I didn't even
think about
**you.

To the moon,
to the stars;
I'll fall
from
everywhere
in between.

But will
I fall for
you?

People supposedly fear
what they do not know.
It makes me question
as to why people
also fear
the truth.
         As if it
         shouldn't be
  *spoken.

I've come to accept that all of my worries about tomorrow and how I'll be remembered yesterday
has manifested itself into something far greater than stress.
And I know living with this
            state-of-mind
can only make every situation worse instead of ever getting better.
But right now,
       in this moment,
                     I am okay.

And that is good
enough for me.

Everything you ever wanted;
everything you ever dreamt about.
They're all just sitting
at the top of
the stair-case
         that we call
                    this life...

         All you
      have to
   do is
step.

I don't
     Believe
Anyone is a
    stranger
To hardship.

    But if you are...

Well,
    What a
Horrible
    And  
         Inexperienced
Life
You must
      Live.

the only word
  that comes to mind
      when trying
           to describe my
          father is
              strong.

So it shook
   me up a bit
to see him
in a hospital
             bed.

I'm stuck
In the toughest moments
From few and far between.

Searching for something
      Searching for anything.

I haven't known her for a really long time,
But I can already tell:
She likes the subtle things.
The things that people don't usually acknowledge.
The smile, the laugh,
The kisses and the hugs.
I can just tell...

She has bright blonde hair that matches her personality.
She wears clothes that reflect her soul; relaxed.
And she has a laugh that is powered by her heart; it's amazing.

You see,
I can write about how the sunset is so beautiful with all of the colors mixing together like a fresh oil painting.
But I'd rather talk about her.
Because honestly, she takes my breath away.
I don't have to say much, I just have to look into her eyes,
And I know that things will be okay.
They just have to be...

Again, I haven't known her for a really long time.
But I can tell she likes the subtle things.

Have you ever
Noticed
A time where
Everything
Yes, I mean literally
Everything,
Just falls into
Place?

Where time stops
For a second.

You can't do
Anything,
At all.

Your eyes
Can't look
Away
And your
Brain
Doesn't want
You too
As your
Heart
Begs for
The image to
Stay.

Have you ever
Noticed
How I
Get lost
Every time
You walk into
The room?

Have you ever
Noticed
That I almost
Hang on your
Every next
Word?

Have you ever
Noticed
That when I'm
With you
Everything
Yes, I mean literally
Everything
Just falls into
Place?

All I could feel
was the rush of wind
flowing through my
fingertips,
and the calming
warmth of the sun
on my skin.

I swore that
afternoon
would last
all summer.

Those that lack compassion will never
utilize their second chances
and I am not saying this to be romantic
I am just letting you know what is true;

the only difference between

love &
        hate
                is

what you see inside of you.

Some day
I'm going to
wake up
with a smile
on my face
and this burden
of your
beauty
will no longer
be weighing
down on my chest.

But today
is not that
day.

Sometimes,
I just feel really low...

And I can't make sense
of anything
good until
it's standing
    in
    my
    way.

"Not giving a ****"
and "acceptance"
are two entirely
different things.

        One lets you
   walk away,
           and the other
        lets you sleep
   with yourself at night.

   Don't mistaken the two for
          being the same.

Some nights,
I just feel so small...
And I don't know
what to do
with myself.

I don't know whether or not
I should laugh
         or have a really good cry.

I feel like a gray area
trapped in such
a beautifully colored world.

Don't worry about
Tomorrow
Until tomorrow
Comes,
Because no one is
Guaranteed
To live that long.

Don't dwell or live
In the past.
You cannot change
What has been said
Or what has happened.

Like most things in life;
Time is out of our control.
And when it comes down to it
At the end of every day,
The only thing that matters
Is whether we accept and learn from our decisions.
Or continue to drown in all the ideas for
"What could have been."

Understanding
who you
are & used
to be
       is perhaps
the greatest
      kind of knowledge.

I don't care
what your
intentions or
concerns
may be.

At this point,

I no longer
want to be
a part
of your
outcome.

"I can't"
  &
"I don't know"
             These are two
       Very common phrases
       I find myself using a lot
              These days.
      Maybe it's due to the fact
That I don't want
       To
           Try;
     I'm starting to
     Believe
     That I'm afraid
     Of moving on.

My eyes are growing weary
From counting all these sheep
I'm trying to stay awake
When I'd much rather, sleep.

I can't seem to understand it
Why they are this way

The blind following noises
Just to make it through the day?

Do they choose to walk this path
Because they're afraid of being alone?
Or do they choose to walk this path
So the blame is not their own?

"I was just doing what they said!"
"I thought it would be okay..."
"I've never done this before."
"Man, I feel so ashamed..."

Where is the responsibility?
Where are the roles?
Everyone's a sheep
And thy cannot make it on their own

Do not fear a wolf
For the wolf, is not around.
When you have a chance, take it!
Success will be what's found.

Do not join the herd
Do not become a sheep
Try to stay awake
When the others are asleep.

I took a walk with life today
and found that we
are all connected.
I took it’s gentle hands and
whispered calmly beneath my breath:

“you are beautiful”

and then all at once-
the constant commotion
unfolding around me
came to a surrender.

I found myself staring at
solutions and all of the
questions that follow.

I am floored
by how simple
life can be.

There are no answers
and this is the
meaning to
everything.

We live and
we breathe and
we hold on until
it’s time to
let go.

This is not a cycle.

This is not
evolution.

This is not aging
just to die
and this is not
the human condition.

This is the experience.

This is the lifetime.

This is what we are
granted.

I long for a comfort
that I will never feel
and resent it
for it never being so.

I wonder how long
I have to go
and even then-

I am wrong.

There is so much
going on
and the cars keep
hauling
and the grass
keeps growing
and the moon keeps
setting and
the sun keeps
rising and

the story
goes.

I am not immortal
and I cannot capture
every moment
as I’d like to
and I know that
this is
okay
but as long
as I’m alive-

I’ll continue to strive
for something
better than
myself.

Even if it’s
not what I
deserve.

There is a ton of beauty
and innocence in this world,
and I'd like to believe that
most of it
lies within your eyes.
I understand that I'm no saint,
and that there has
(and always will be)
consequences for my actions.

This path to hell
was most certainly paved with
my best-intentions.

I can
Apologize
A thousand times
But still
It won't
Solve
Anything
That has gone
Wrong.

I never meant
For things to
End the way
They did,
And
I never
Really had the
Chance
To make things
Right.

Now
Everything I've
Done
Is just
Everything
I
Did

And those
Three words
Just
Can't be
Said.

I sit inside my room
While the other kids are outside
Playing contacts sports
And talking about their days
With all the challenges
That they had to face

The sun is casting in through the
Only window I have
But I don't really mind the loneliness
Of my room, it's actually comforting
After a day of putting up with kids
Trying to one up each other
With everything they do

I'm not saying I'm different
Or anything of that sort
But I'd rather relax and reminisce of times
When the only time I had to worry
Was whether or not I was getting a
Deck of cards to add to my collection
On a peaceful summer morning

Times were simple when I was young
So it's clear to see that things have changed
But still, I don't mind

I enjoy a cigarette in the morning
With the fresh dew drying underneath the sun
Watching the birds collect food for their
Newly hatched chicks
And in the night time
Smoking while I contemplate about
Simple things such as
Regrets
Love
Life
And other things that I don't care to mention

So, as I sit inside today with the sun
Spitting rays into my room through my only
Bedroom window
I realize that I'm actually quite content
With the way things are.

The less
you
tried,
     the more
      I fell
      in
      love.

And that's
been the
story
thus
far.