My choices
are my
choices.
      I'm not expecting
      everyone
      (or anyone)
to understand
      why
or
      how.
I just ask
that you'd
please keep your
comments
       to yourself.

There will always be
too little
or too much

and perfection
will always be
subjective.



My advice;




learn the rules,
then,


do what pleases you.

Too often
I forget,
That when
I trust
Someone,
They don’t
Have to
Do the same
In return.

Trust isn't
A two way
Street.
It’s one way.
And sometimes,
If you’re lucky,
Someone will
Turn down your
One way street
Regardless of the
Precept.

Too often
I forget,
That trust
Isn't something
That will always be
Returned.

Because trust isn't
An obligation
For someone else

It’s an expectation
You already have for them.

If
  Nothing
        Is
Wrong
        And I have
             Nothing
   To worry about.
     How come
I still
     Can't
Sleep
         at
              Night?

I feel empty...
And there's this numbness in
my chest that has been
keeping me awake
late at night whenever
I try to sleep.

        I feel as if
  everything
I believed in has
    turned on me,
    all at once.

Your "love"
Hit me like a
Sucker punch
To the jaw.
So I couldn't
Say a
Word.

And the whole
Time we were
Together,
I was
Swallowing
Shattered
Teeth.

I walked through a field of graves today,
And as the shadows of tombstones danced at my feet I thought about all of the times I wanted to be lying here six-feet under.
Through my trials of error I thought I had seen it all, but with every hardship I come to accept and handle head-on, I find myself starring into the eyes of a new fear.
Sometimes I tremble, sometimes I fall, but I always get back up.
I will never let the idea of failure bring me down, mo matter how consuming it may be.
So with sore shoulders and weary feet, I'm here at the entrance of all the souls that said goodbye,
Trying to find a place to rest; amongst shadows of tombstones and all these broken things.

****...

     well....
      
  yeah....

Maybe
    I
     could've

All I needed
was to hear
the truth...
       And you spoke it.

For this,

I am
grateful.

You know that old saying
"Actions speak louder than words"?
Well, I've learned to observe
the behavioral patterns
of when our conversations
become a burden.

I am a professional at
reading the signs
of unamused eyes
and you just stare
right through me.

I guess that is fair play.

After all, I used to say
too much
and you cared
when you could.

Foolish of me to think there would
ever be a middle.

We left on words
misunderstood
and nothing more
would follow.

You had a boundary
that I overlooked.

I guess
"hello"
was all
it
took.

I started to settle in
my skin for the
first time as I began
to believe
that these bones
will one day
be a thing of the
past.

But like the dust
that has collected
on my hindered-hopes;
I will brush off
these worries
of a better life,
and use them
as my motivation
for tomorrow.

Females:
They're
relentless
and
fierce.
but you
cannot
deny
them.

Life is just
life
and everything
else
is what you make
of
it.

            do not be afraid
                 of what you
            do not yet
      understand.

Slowing down and finding the time to take a
"breather"
is easier said than done.
And when you finally do,
it feels like you've lost a lung.

Nothing ever comes easy;
although I wish it would.

            But when you work for something;
the rest comes as it should.

There're spaces within
my chest,
         and this redundant
       motion of
             rising and falling
     will suffocate
   the very essence
of my soul.
     And as I ache
     for the love that
     your body
     provides,
I will find myself
reaching for you-
      completely
              deprived.

Lately my thoughts
have been reduced
to suicide and intoxication.
      Lying in bed at night
   looking for any kind
  of good-vibration.
Obviously I've been nothing
      but ****-out-of-luck.
Because every morning
         that I wake-
    I feel like nobody gives
           a ****.

Life does not always work out as planned.
There are certain situations and
certain circumstances that
are simply out of our control
and we have to do our best to
accept the fact that
we are powerless.

This is something in my life that I have
always struggled to admit
let alone
try to understand.

There is a dwelling desire

        to always want to know

and there is nothing in this world
that has burdened me more.

I have been through relationships
both casual and
                           significant
             and most of them have
one thing in common;

   they came to an end
at the extent of my
              over-pushing hands.

And even though both sides
were to blame-

I oftentimes found the
scale of suffering
to be tipped

    in my favor.

You see,

I am tired of countless nights
of questiong my self worth.

I am exhausted and
depleted of all my
"excess positivity"

    there comes a point in every humans life
        where you realize
               no one is worth
                                making you feel
                                        insignificant.

Stil­l-
it is hard to say goodbye.

And it is even harder to
begin again
knowing you will have
to do some of it

               alone

but
there will be a day

where your own company
is not so bad.


And I hope it comes for you
just as much as I hope it
comes for me;

where every morning
feels

like a victory.

-Andrew Durst.

Shadow of my love
You come and go with the sun,
And when you fade away;
I know the day is done.
Heartache of mine,
Why must you cause me so much pain?
I know that I am breaking,
Yet, you remind me anyway.
Lonesome hope,
You seem so dull.
I can't blame you
Since life's so cruel.
And like a piece of kindling
Before it catches spark.
I'm sitting here sound,
Waiting in the dark.

The message
you carry
is more
valuable
than
your defeats
and
it is
with this
knowledge
in which
I hope
you choose
to keep walking.

We'll paint
the world
pastel red
and sing
songs as
the world
falls apart.
       And I'll remind
you that
you're absolutely
beautiful when
we take our
last breaths
       And although
I was never
able to
write every
moment
and paint
every horizon
we've rested
our time upon.
      I'd like to
think that
I made you
the happiest you
could ever be.

We're like
   A waterfall.
     Slowly moving
        Towards the edge.
                               Just
                               Waiting
                               To
                               Fall
                               And
                                      Break
                          On
                                   The
                                                Rocks
                               Below.

I know you're weary, my friend
But the day is almost new
It may not be what you hope for
But you will make it thru.

I cannot wish for anything
But wealth upon your dreams.
Riches any normal man
Will probably never see.

A humble home
With an easy heart,
The wisdom to walk away
Before a fire starts,
Knowing how to choose
What you need and what you don't,
Taking care of loved ones
And a family of your own.

Money is not the value
No,
Wealth lies within your soul,
Reach down and grab it
Live a life that's full.

You can fill your pockets,
But money can't fill your heart,
Be rich, my friend

     And
         Set
    Yourself
       Apart.

I won't smite anyone
when the wretched *****,
that is life,
comes to take what's
rightfully hers.

I won't even ask
to be forgiven
or recognized
for everything
I have done.

I hold the weight
of all whom once lied
before me.

              When can I let it go?
     When can I let go?

We worry
about tomorrow




   what a waste it'll be when we don't wake up.

We're a generation
of bad habits
and hypocrites
that'll do whatever
it takes to be happy;
whatever it takes
to supposedly
remain free.                
        
         Because
         the truth is;
                  we're all addicted
                 to something.

And   we     let       it       get
       the    best    of      us

I've been feeling so weak,
No matter what I do I feel such a lack of energy within myself.
Empty stomach, heavy arms, weary legs, and light headed sensations; my physical state has been like this for a while now.

I don't feel company when people are around.
Inside its still just me, myself, and I.
I don't know what to do or how to even go about changing this.

When I wake up in the morning, I almost want to curse the sun for it rising again.
I'm out of energy and I can't do this anymore.
I'm hungry for something and I can't place my finger on exactly what it is.
I'm not okay.
I'm not fine.
My heart is breaking with every day that passes by
And I can't find a reason to smile.
I am not normal,
There is clearly something wrong.

I just want to sleep while knowing there's no specific time I have to be up the following day.
I want to eat and feel full.
I want there to be days when I have to wake up and no matter how bad the previous day was, there's a smile still sitting on my almost completely jaded face.
I want to hold while being held.
I want to speak and be spoken too.
I want to listen and have someone do the same for me.

And most of all
I want to be strong.

I want to be rich
with joy,

and I want to have
a job that
pays me
more
than what I'm worth-
and
that currency
will be
     loyalty and respect.

I hope you
remember
that
somewhere
along
the
lines,

I  
was
there.

And when you
            love someone;

their name
begins
to sound like
a song that
never leaves
       your
            head.


-Andrew Durst.

I take a hit of a cigarette but see no smoke.
I know it's lit; I can see the cherry red ember reflecting in your crystal blue eyes with every drag I take.
You keep smiling at me as if I just cracked a joke.
Although its beautiful,
I cannot fall for that sinister look.
Now you're telling me that you need to feel whole.
Grabbing at my hands as if I was about to let go.
And you can see it reflecting in my eyes
         That I wanted so badly
              to kiss your lips.
I take another hit and see no smoke.
Could this be a dream
          or something so much worse?

There was something
pure in your eyes
and something
sinister about
your smile.
And my god,
I loved it.

They try to silence me
when my passion sings
for I am not like you
caged birds
with clipped wings.

I have crawled,
walked,
ran
and taken flight.

So it will take
more than
a wish
to end me
tonight.

I'm not
used
to being
worried,

let alone
worried
          *sick.

In this world you're
either the writer
or the reader;
the creator or
the receiver.

And school never worked
out too-well
for me.

I feel
something.
   It's kind
        of
          like,
   desire.

But I just
     don't have a
          spark,
to save this
     wildfire.

I smile whenever you smile
and feel the clenching
pain in my chest
whenever you feel low.
                 But you are not a burden.
    Love cannot be true
    without every ounce of
    you.
And just as beautiful as you are;
the scars on your heart
will not go in vein.

You're full of dreams,
     and all of
        the sweetness
           in this beautiful world.

of my heartache.

There's no need
for any explanations.

And although you
may not understand;
      I cannot
          deny
    the way it feels to be
               in your
       presence.