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dancer of the clouds,
ink of dream,
as if the sky, hushed
and utterly forlorn,
turned a pirouette.
reading your poems

this website provides a lovely service
giving the unspoken a megaphone
(even though it's set to one)

many of you are young
thoughts about lost love
about who's who to you

it doesn't get easier, but
at least you can write here
feel safe, loved, famous

like the lust you lost
these pages will fade
a burning candle in a sea
of misplaced memories

so here you are
reading my poem
didn't have to
but did
 Feb 2015 Andrew Kerklaan
Mosaic
I like people who don't
trust people
Like a locked bathroom door
Protected from their own
Self exposure
But I just want to develop them
in black & white

Sell their silhouettes on the black market
Seeing what they're really worth

These are the people
with lures hanging from their teeth
like wind chimes or dreamcatchers

Bodies of abandoned carnivals

And people become like trespassers
On their unholy grounds

Here to document
the decay  
Caress the chipping paint
Hoping for tetanus

They wonder when they became
Archeology
Like the lost part of found
Gay.
Gay.
Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay.
Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay.
Gay.
Gay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(squiggly lines look cool)
~
Gay.
 Feb 2015 Andrew Kerklaan
daisies
You keep giving me
pieces of you each day
that seem too fragile
as I keep them hidden in my heart
from people's hungry eyes.

You keep lending me
your heart instead of mine.
It's stronger; it's been through a lot,
and ever since, your heart
has been our ground work.

You keep telling me
your secrets that I preserved
day by day into my soul,
scrutinizing them zealously,
careful enough never to hurt you.

You keep sharing with me
your scientist's mind, your constellations,
your belief in the big bang, your disbelief
in what caused it, yet I promised
to never judge. I never did.

You keep demolishing me
in ways you never knew possible,
and I am left flustered.
After every clandestine unleashed,
I happen to yet not be good enough.

Because you keep hurting me,
and I keep feigning being well,
and you keep wanting me
to change who I am.

But oh darling, have you ever once thought of
how I admired you for all that you are,
not for all I wanted you to become?

You keep making my head ache.
You keep making my heart beak.
You keep making me believe that
I fall too easily,
yet I am not so easy to fall in love with.
For you I will do something new
  Like kiss the sunshine, drink Mountain Dew
             I’ll hug an ant and buy a star
  Tomorrow I’ll ask for a kiss and nothing more
               To see you smile, I’ll frown
              To see you laugh, I’ll drown
              Myself in your love, so sound
              So pure, that it truly astounds.
Because the sun will never kiss your cheeks
His lips will never graze your neck
The warmth will never thaw your heart
Because the sun will never kiss your cheeks,
I feel it is my job

Because the wind will never whisper in your ear
Her hair never tickling your cheek bones
Sweet nothings being told between honey sweet breaths
Because the wind will never whisper in your ear,
I feel it is my job

Because the grass will never welcome you home
It will never greet you with bright flowers in its hair
Dirt far beneath covered by the lush bed
Because the grass will never welcome you home,
I feel it is my job

And when the day has come, when you will lie alone
With no one but the heavens, greeting you bitterly
Nothing to see, no song to hear,
I will be the song, I will sing to you until the dawn breaks
Just like I do through every night

But this song will differ in tune and in lyrics
For it will be the last song you hear
The velvet creeping from my lips
Will grab your hand so softly
It will guide you toward the heavens

And when the day has come, when you will lie alone
I will lie beside you
I feel it is my job
I'm tired of being alive
I'm tired of not wanting to be alive
I'm tired of having responsibilities
I'm tired of pretending like everything is okay
I'm tired of going to a house that 'im suppose to call my “home ” but it’s not that at all
Its a roof over my head to keep me warm but not to keep me sane
I'm insane
I'm tired of thinking i'm insane
I'm tired of arguing
I'm tired of having to put in headphones to block out the world
I'm tired of living in a world where money is the number one priority because without money you have nothing
I'm tired of the world
i'm tired of writing about my feelings
I'm tired of hiding my feelings
I'm tired of feelings
I'm tired of thinking
I'm tired of breathing
I'm tired of being tired ..

-n.a.
I always thought that when time comes, when I fall in love, everything would be just perfect. Even the imperfections would seem perfect to me. I would even love the things I hate

Okay. You fall in love.. Now what?
What changes? He doesn't love you so what do you do?

I fell in love and all I did was cry
Love came bearing gifts shaped in insomnia and heartbreak
Love came with self hate
Love came with questions of what's wrong with me? Why am I not good enough? How much is good enough?

Love was never kind to me
Love made me suffer
Love made me sad
Because I am always the one who loves more, always the one who loves, never the one loved

What do you do when you love someone who doesn't love you back?
What do you do with those feelings?
Where do you put them?
What do you do with the unwanted feelings that you love and want to keep?

Love was never kind to me
Love is painfully beautiful
Love hurts but I don't want it to stop
I am addicted to you but I don't want to be recovered
How could you be both my source of pain and my pain killer?

I'm addicted to you, stay with me... Even if it's just in my dreams. Hold me and... Stay.
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