I wrote a letter and saved it in my back pocket instead
I knew I would then forget about it
and it would eventually be washed again and again
The letter contained every last detail I was thinking
Every nook and cranny

This is what the letter said:
You dig trenches into her heart
being flooded with your intention
contaminated by your hate
You see her suffering
you don't care to reach a hand
to pull her out of the waters
leaving her to down in your lies
that you've made become a reality
The heart
is a symbol of love
your heart is for your survival
but you create her heart in your vision
and your image
of her fate
You decide her heart is to be left
twisted and washed up
cleansed in the filth and dirt
of you sick mind
You tell her these lies
this is the only way for you to survive
feasting off of the anxiety
you create for others
You leave a path of misery
to rise to your claim of victory
but I wont let the devil win.

I don't know what it had meant at that moment
but I knew when I wrote that letter
that it was really for me

Now I am left to dismember those words

I believe in nothing
not the stars
and not the earth

I believe in nothing
not the oceans
and not the people

I believe in you
and me
something.
it was okay
I should have taken
more time

You sat me down
I was so young
the look in your eyes
flickered with pain
searching for the words
to describe the disease
to your little girl
shes unable to understand
the seriousness
the pain

I visit you in the hospital
I receive the good news
the contrast
between the good and bad
was immune to me
I didn't know what the disease
was capable of
it was capable of changing my life
forever

I curled up next to you that night
I dozed off on the hospital bed
blessed to have my Father.

I walk
through the halls
through the crowds

I listen
its tiring to haul
the mounds
of regret

I see one face
and another
surrounding me

I remember
the memories
why did it go bad?

I hear
the voices
the ones that once
called my name
in laughter
in tears

You think I'm oblivious
You tell me I'm stupid
you think it's okay

You think I don't know
what you think of me
to notice what you say
and you leave the words
on display

I don't hear what you say
but I can see the hatred
it suffocates the air

It pollutes me
not only does
it affect me
but it affects others

It mutilates the people
who stay around you
they become immune
to your pollution

They breath in your
hate filled air
and become permitted
to your profanation

You suffocate me
and you don't even
seem to care

Please let me go
I cant bare the words
lingering in the air