when we met, i was at my most vulnerable, desperate for affection, and a burning desire to be loved.
i'll admit, i'm not like most men, i wear my feelings on my sleeve, and i'm not afraid to let them show.
you took my hands, and pulled me in close, and for once, the roaring chaos of my soul soothed into a gentle, imperfect song.
i let the barriers and chains of my heart loose, and showed you the man i am, flaws and all.
the joy of being able to be myself was a potent one, and i clung to you as you clung to me.
but then you left. as quickly as you came, you were gone once again, as much as you fit me, i simply did not fit you.

kiss me in your backseat
like nothing has ever been like this before
'cause you kiss like a promise
like you have never wanted anything more
than me

and just maybe, i'm crazy about you baby
and i guess it's a mess but i've always loved messy
things

and with your lips on my neck, i feel like the best is yet to come
and with my heart on my sleeve, i hope you can see it beats like a drum

and i'm wrapped around your finger and my gaze might just linger on your face
and i can't help but notice what we've made of this moment in this place

is beautiful
you're beautiful.

in the streetlights, with your brown eyes looking into my heart
hold me tighter, with your bright lights lighting up the dark
you're lighting up

I had my first dream last night that you weren't in.
not even a minor character,
your ****** name wasn't even in the credits,
let alone plastered across the sky in flashing lights
like you want it to be.
my first reality that you didn't belong in,
and it was the most blissful peace that I can remember since we bathed in pools of cloud.

I heard the first song that didn't make me think of you yesterday.
the lyrics, for once, were just lyrics,
not an embodiment of you and the things you do.
guess what?
it was coldplay.
you always hated coldplay.

this morning, I basked in the sun and didn't picture you coated in gold light beside me.
I didn't look at the leaves adorning the trees and picture your face laughing beneath it.

I didn't trace the plate lines of my palm and imagine the earthquake we used to create when yours collided with mine.

I didn't eat new food that I wanted you to try and I didn't want to share the smallest details of my day with you.

you may have won this poem, loverboy,
but don't be too triumphant.
your victory won't last long.
it's the era of my new beginnings without you and I'm going to be just fine.

She reminds me of a cool summers breeze,
Or that feeling you get when you watch the sun set or rise.
She is the feeling of beauty and simplicity.
She is the feeling of awe and amazement that you get when you look into her eyes.
She is the air that I breath.
She is the feeling of joy when you dance around in the rain.
She is the fire that keeps you warm on a cold winter's day.
She is the very essence of my happiness,
And I love her with every piece of my heart, mind and soul.

We're almost touching.
we were walking side by side,
you're talking about cabs in your hometown.
I can feel the gravity of your hand, calling my fingers
whispering "it's alright."

We're touching but not quite.
you held my shoulder to protect me from the passing cars.
and for the first time in a long while, I felt so fragile.
In this world where I find it hard even to breathe,
you believed me.

I almost said it.
All I need is one ounce of strength to tell you every single thing that I have ever felt about you.

I want to find home in your collarbones.
Would you be kind enough to let a stranger in?
I want to seep in your being because I'm cold.
The world is harsh and my cracks are aching.

Almost.

the other night, I read my love poems about you from somewhere in the distant past
I read the words of desperate love back to myself, but somehow they were unfamiliar
I do not remember writing them
I do not remember the person I used to be when I was with you

I got to a line, it read
“there’s no place i’d rather be, than here with…”
I couldn’t read the next word, a tear had blurred the ink

It was then that I realized I was sobbing
The pages flooded, overflowing with emotions I had forgotten were there
Soon, the whole notebook was ruined
A boat filling with water and I don’t have a bailer

My words about you blurred, ruined by a tsunami of tears that had no warning of showing up
My body did not warn me to take shelter or to tie down my belongings

I slip into my old heart, the room that I had been avoiding
The locked door has busted open from the storm
My body rocks, shakes, as if it is finally trying to rid me of you

I cling to this heart space, memories clouding my vision like fog on the highway
I’m only able to see what is right in front of me and right now that is you
But you look unfamiliar
Your voice is one I have never heard
My words repeat back to me over and over but they sound like a language I do not understand

I force myself to open my eyes, as if I’m trying to awaken myself from a nightmare
I get up and I light a candle

I set the flooded ship away into the ocean of forgotten

Warm affection runs through every syllable when you utter,
"I delight in the way you write."
At these words
I am left to wonder if my life has reached its peak.

You remind me that the magic of growing is not all but gone.
With you,
There is always enough sound
And never too much racket.

I write to you, for you, and with you.
You obtain the unfortunately rare talent of valuing human life
And appreciating its art forms.

Your mind is a small business.
Not ran by a King,
But by a little Prince.
A perfect mixture of complexity and simplicity and understanding.

Today I compose a melody of thank yous.
To both you and the universe for giving you the brain you have.

Thank you for inspiring me, making me think, and bringing astounding music into my life.

you will never be forgotten.
ever.
your name twisted into metaphors and colors and distractions will forever
be painted across pages and pages of her favorite brand of notebook,
no matter how many she burns
there will always be one she forgot,
and she will only find it once she had almost forgotten you.
she will find the one Papyrus notebook
and all of your metaphors and colors and disractions will come flooding back,
just like how the ocean in your eyes
flooded her heart all those years ago.