it's like I have to die,
for you to notice me,
and it hurts because,
all you have to do,
is cry a little,
and I would be by your side.

(e.k.j.)

How badly I want to curl up next to you
Is my own private issue.

You give me a brief smile
And I’m not certain what it means.
Should I stay for awhile?
Or go back to my daydreams?

Knowing you’re so close to me sets me on fire,
I struggle to control my own growing desire.

I move myself on the gym floor to just out of reach,
For inside of your bubble I’m afraid to breach.

Soon I’m surrounded,
We’re no longer alone.
I curse myself, confounded
With a scared wish to run home.

When I’m alone,
My mind is tearing me apart,
I cry myself to sleep,
I crave the days to see you.
Because when I’m with you,
My mind is blank,
My mind doesn’t tear me apart,
I can be happy,
Because you bring me joy,
Happiness,
You bring me what I can’t have when I’m alone
You bring peacefulness into my life.
And I crave the day I next see you.

But the day when it all comes to an end,
When I won’t see you anymore,
The days will flood back to me
Where I can no longer think straight again,
And I will cry myself to sleep again,
Because I won’t have you,
I won’t be happy,
And I think to myself
Is this it?
Is this how I’m gonna be spending these years?
With a jumbled mind and broken heart?
I just want you.

I want to be left alone
yet I want someone to talk to me
I want to drown in my thoughts
but cant stop thinking, thinking about that one thought that is killing me
I wish and pray and scream for a way out of this misery
and when it does come I can't handle it; the normality,
the security...
the unfamiliar thing called happiness
the suspense of what will happen next
....Because those things don't come easy
or free to me

What's wrong with me?

Nobody knows the girl
The girl that hides behind a mask
The girls that is broken
But continues to smile
Until she gets home
Away from everyone
Where she is alone
When she is trapped in her deepest thoughts
And nobody can save her
That girl
That girl is me.