thank god i can’t write good poetry
the best poetry comes from pain and hurt if you ask me
so although i can’t write like i used to
at least it means i’m doing alright

you do not say goodnight to me anymore
  and because of that my nights do not end.
  my days do not begin until i pretend to forget
and i will fall asleep hoping that
you
did
not say goodnight

to someone else.

I covered my wall with old photos
So that when I lay alone at night
I’m not
So
Alone.  

Thinking it would fill
That empty void in my heart.
That black hole.
But rather,
It just added more fuel to the flames.  
That burning desire
To not
Be
Alone.

But I can’t help it.
Loneliness comes naturally to me.
As If it were in my DNA.
My veins.

I separate myself from everyone else.
The only friends I have now
Are the face of those plastered on my wall.
The greatest joke of them all;
As if I could fool myself into thinking
That those faces could comfort this lonely soul.

she never had a favorite color
always finding beauty in every shade
and when asked her favorite color
she simply spoke in a daze

"the greens of summer grass
bright and welcoming bare feet

the golden yellow of evening sun rays
how they dance across the sea

the deep red of fresh cut roses
brought to lovers doorsteps

the pale pink of early morning skies
the orange and scarlet that melts with it"

she had so many favorites
until she met him

for the second
she caught a glimpse
of his light eyes
that made even a clear ocean
seem mundane
she undoubtedly knew

her favorite color was blue

s.s

I love
that you
love

The things
that you
love

Even if I don't

Could you do the same for me?

If yes

What great lovers
we
could
be....

I used to live in an achromatic world
Everything was plain and simple
Yin and Yang
Salt and Pepper
Black and White

A coloring page lacking its vibrant
Rainbow of colors
An explosion of reds and lavenders
A blank page, bleak and boring

Until you came around
With your fancy coloring box
And your artistic eye for all things
Colorful

My life without you was stark and unhappy
Because I know that I am very spontaneous
That I am more than the blackest black and
The whitest white
And so are you

I am the entire rainbow in all of its excellency
And you are the first person who is not
Colorblind
- C.M. 5/12/17

I wish I were permanently drunk and I wish I didn't wish that.
I wish I were permanently hair flying mouth smiling loud talking proud walking drunk
in the middle of the day
replace the need to say
I'm sorry I mean thank you I mean please don't hate me I mean you can hate me but tell me if you hate me don't pretend to be my friend and
I wish I were permanently drunk without the drink
without the sharp taste that hits the back of my throat like the anxiety which comes with showing that I care
without the down it if you dare
without the fall without the crawl without the fumbling in stalls
I think you might have gotten the idea by now but just incase I'll tell you anyway
when I say
I wish I were permanently drunk
I mean
I wish I were permanently in love with myself.
I wish I were hands on hips and mouth on lips and a full chest and my absolute best
and
I wish I could move down a corridor without wincing
wish I could speak without convincing
myself and you and her and him and them
to stay.
I wish I were okay.
what did I just say?
I'm fine.
Ok but this poem was not supposed to rhyme.
I wish I were permanently drunk
or
rather
I wish I saw myself the way I stare at forests of green
I wish I could make myself beam
rather it is
the ******* the bus with the really pretty eyes
and
the poets with their words and their desperate tiny cries
and
I wish I looked at myself and saw sunflowers blooming from the broken parts of my chest
and
I wish I would just stop for a moment and rest
and
I wish I were permanently drunk
in the middle of the day
on nothing but self love and self esteem and self self self
scream it like I'm standing on the edge of a pier for the whole world to hear
I wish I could stop apologising for my existence
well, you know, the universe would shout back,
you'll get there.
It might just take a little persistence.