Tell me again how to fit
Into the gaps of society
Designated for a woman.
Tell me all the ways my words
Are less my own
Than they are a man's
Tell me how my body will always be
Questioned
The cup in my hand
An excuse.
Remind me of all the ways
Today will never be my day.

I am a canvas
Painted in harsh strokes
With kind words
Mistakes blend in
Over time and diligence
But are never erased
They sit quietly
Under layers of oil paint
Built into my foundation

A skid, a screech
A moment veering
Bang
More skidding
More screeching
A loud **** to the left
a desperate plea for right
I am ******
Why am I ******?
My mind
Where is my mind?

He said he finds it odd,
That such pretty eyes could shed
So many tears.

I told him I find it strange,
That he found these stained eyes
Pretty.

It starts like a sliver
A small fragment of someone else's being
Slips into my skin
Sticking within the shallow foundation
A surface connection
Skin deep until left untreated
Allowed to seep
Building roots into my blood
Before long the wound has grown
Oozing and hot to the touch
It starts to invade
Inching its way to my core
My heart, my lungs
Now stained with its name
I breathe shallow breaths of clean air
Trying to cleanse my soul
I will heal
But scars remain.
A forced change my soul accepted.

I fold myself into a billion pieces
So that they will not see the gaps
That pierce my soul
I am an eclipsed moon
On a cloudy night

do you ever mess up something super duper minor and no one else thinks it an issue and you see that but on the inside you just feel like collapsing and crying and folding into little pieces of human origami because god it would be wonderful to be anything but yourself?