And then she asked
with a profound curiosity
something so unraveling
if i ever wanted to get better
i mean
if i truly wanted to get out
of this hell i became
to myself
and others
she asked with a disguised will to
pull me back up
from the black hole i'm in
but i was and i am
so buried
deep into this hole
that all i could do
was say "yes"
and i know,
and god knows
and everyone knows
that in that very moment
i told the biggest lie
i could ever tell anyone.

the washing glimmer of sunlit sky
marble blue and streaked so cry
the ignited magenta and yellow and white
we call to the wind so the scent can wither

the breath and mind toiling together
as ones feet carry on into the yonder
the shadow dances upon the sweet pavement
and sweat toils of poignantly off of chilly skin  

the wind carries the leaves from trees
starkly contrast a darkening hue
the pace steady weaving through pockets of hills
and rounding corners, spinning likes mills

passing by the stare of wary signs
sometimes to pave our things away
the vigor running under the sky
we all have lives we care for into the night

Alone with the shadows
No heat to beat the cold flow
Of winters harshness

Alone with the lights out
No shine in his eyes
To safely carry him away
From the night

Alone with neighborhood noises
A dog barks, a truck revs up
The wind slaps the tree branches
Against the small house

Alone with nobody
No hands or hugs of comfort
Just books by candle light
A withering heart
Sustained by chapters
Of other peoples imaginary lives

~

She reached for the ribbons of her gown
not knowing why, but she held them in her hand
as she floated through the ever changing mist,
whites and grays in a swirling pattern,
mesmerizing in blends and shifts,
blurred yet possessing a clarity she could not explain
or cared to think about right now

She looked down on herself in her bed sobbing,
clutching tightly a dampened pillow, lonely, missing…
now confused as a peaceful awareness
wrapped about her warmly,
caressing her spirit, washing away the pain,
the sadness, the torment which she fought now to remember
as it drifted below, creating new shadows about her feet
but distant, never forgotten, she couldn’t, it was promised…

Once more the satin ribbons were pulled gently, guided
as if a feather laced kite on a silver string embracing blue skies,
dancing about in the slow rhythm, spun in clouded dreams,
breathless she soars higher, it seems towards the sun
or perhaps a light of a different source, it felt soft, cool
beckoning her and she yearned for it…
for some reason it felt right

Stars swept past her in wiry glistening designs
like a sparkler at a summer cookout waved through the air
in abstract lemonade glowings and apple pie tickles  
and she smiled, for the first time in a long time as the 
moon disappeared on the horizon, embracing this experience
She continued allowing the tender tugs on her ribbons to
move her freely, when she felt something, it was a hand on
hers, helping her hold the ribbons, it felt familiar,
safe, comforting

When she saw his eyes, as clear as she had ever seen anything,
deep and friendly, soothing
just as she had remembered…remembered?
He took her by the hands and he came even more into focus
“Hi there, I have missed you,”  he sighed and she knew it was him
He was here, wherever here was, holding her now as he said,
“I promised I would love you eternally, I couldn't have you then,
so I have waited for you"    
She cried , happy tears as she whispered. “You did, you did, is this…”

“Shhh,” he placed a caring finger to her lips…
*”This is our eternity my love”

I relate us, to the sun and the moon
See.. how the distance between them is-
So close and yet so far
Just like you and I,
We are close enough that
I can touch your hand but not your heart.

They say stay strong
But that's all a lie.
Only the strong have the courage to die,

Maybe it's selfish this is true
But don't I deserve to be selfish too?
No that's right I must never be,

I must suffer but never frown
just because I chose to be me.
Why should I be happy just to be alive?

Why should I be in this world of the half dead race,
Where hate is just a social norm
And reality is just a pitiful taunting storm.

If your not a carbon copy of your peers
You are left to suffer from your fears.
So maybe I'm weak or maybe I'm strong

All I know is I don't belong.
I'm trying to live I really am,
But my hourglass is almost out of sand.

So maybe I'll jump or forget to swim,
Because my future is looking grim.