And
I cannot help but wonder,
how much more
there can be
to endure.
How many more
oceans of silence
must I sail?
How many more
deserts of nothingness
must I drag myself across?
How many more
hopeless forest fires
must burn through me?
I am strong
and
I will stay so,
but still
I wonder
when the horizon
will give way
and I can say
it is over
at last.

shower (n.): a place to practice the words you'll never say

Im fine*
Falls out of my mouth
So easily
The words no longer
Hold meaning

Close your eyes
And it'll be over soon.
You won't feel the blows
Or his unwholesome touch.
I miss the one who cared for me,
If I close my eyes,
Maybe I can pretend he's here
And not the one who hurts me.
If I close my eyes,
Maybe endings will be easier.
If I close my eyes,
It will all be over soon.

I've lain beneath a million stars
With friends and pasts who've touched my heart
I've picked a fight where none should be
And thrown away such precious treats

I've scarred myself and those around
Just so I can still feel proud
I've held my hopes up in the sky
And tried my best to still be kind
I've walked too many lonely walks
and sat at home with painful thoughts

I've lain beneath so many stars
And have watched them all so very hard
I've closed my eyes and from them walked away
I've stalked the moon till there's nothing left to say

i laugh at everything and
i talk about my emotions
so freely and i'm open to
everyone i meet but i'm
so scared and i can't even
force myself to get close
anymore
i can't believe i let this
happen
when did it get so bad

With the soft knocking
of your palm against my fingers,
the door into my heart,
I think not-so-carefully
about letting you in

And as I move to the threshold
I find the door already slightly ajar
so I reach out to touch you
and feel your heartbeat move through my veins

You don't touch back
but do not move from beneath my hands
and I know you are telling me
to take it slow
because my favorite thing to do
is run when I'm told to walk
and I always feel
as though I'm running out of time

I take a breath or two
and do not look at you for too long
in case you disappear
while I am too busy blinking