At the break of dawn, the world has never seemed more peaceful.
After the bleak winter night has silenced, the soft breeze fills the cold morning air with the unrefined scent of new life.
The fresh snowfall settles like a white blanket over the hazy alpine.
As the warmth of the winter sun begins to cover our skin,
I lay hoping we can stay like this forever,
we are so perfect as we are right now.
So, I lay as still as I can, pretending as if the rays have melted the world away from beneath us. Afraid that if I shut my eyes, even for one second, you would disappear.
Because I know this bittersweet moment can’t last forever,
the true nature of winter will reveal itself and the frost will secrete your heart. I know I can’t have you or expect too much from you,
but under the golden painted sky of this dreamlike winter morning...
let’s just stay like this for a while.
I didn’t need you to be the one to tell me that I will ‘find someone new’.
I know I was never very good at showing my intentions.
But then again, neither were you.
I just wish I could shut my eyes and things would be like they used to.
But when my eyes are shut
the dark space is flooded with memories of you.
however... it’s a vision that always seems to stray.
The fleeting kind;
A reminder that I could never make you stay.
That perhaps, this feeling deep in my bones
Telling me to trust no one,
Was so I don’t have to feel the pain of constantly being left alone.
But I guess you didn’t have a clue.
Because I still sit here wondering,
If there is a point in finding someone new
when I never really wanted anyone but you?
As I lay in a forest that used to appear in my nightmares,
I stare up into the stars wondering if there is life after death...
Because understanding life is equally as complicated as understanding your mind.
I’m just afraid that maybe it will show me that my doubts are much deeper than I thought.
And if I slipped and fell into that hole,
would I have to spend another eternity waking up alone?
Maybe that’s why this forest no longer scares me;
because at least when I am here I can tell myself I have
something to go back to.
With each step taking me further from home,
I place my faith in the wind hoping it will
carry me into the warm embrace of your arms.
But I know that's not how gravity works...
Thus I continue to chase the shadow cast from behind,
because chasing dreams is too overrated.
So please don't ask me if I am doing more with my life
than sitting at home writing poems of my watered down angst.
As I spend my nights walking this forest,
I can't help but wonder how you have been?
if anything you told me was true?
And in the blistering cold of the night
I opened my soul to you.
and you said ‘okay’
Memories dampened in nostalgia form a constellation in my bedroom. The stale air is muted with the perfect harmony of longing and angst. Perhaps this is just my insomnia giving me a reason to stay awake.
Despite intention, I allow thoughts to hold more power than actions. Maybe this is why I’m find myself scribbling words of watered-down heartache...
You know, I read our conversations so much it feels like you were still here. A sequence of muted meanings that holds my weighted body from falling into something much larger than me. But that something is a square ocean that lay between us reminding me that the waves I send can’t quite reach your shore. I’m just surrounded by a digital sea that makes me wonder how reflections in water could be so fake. But maybe if I had just poured my soul into the current and let it reach you, this artificial light wouldn’t make me feel so ******* alone.
drowning in social media.
I always feel sentimental when it rains,
So, on sad days like this I leave the house without an umbrella.
With my headphones in,
listening to our favourite songs,
I walk past your old house.
Or the cheap restaurant we always went to.
Just so I can let my heart feel close to you again.
I must be so pathetic.
but when the rain stops
You will exist only as another memory.
So, I embrace the droplets on my skin,
Even if I do catch a cold.
On sad days like this I cannot help but wonder
if it’s raining where you are,
if you think of me.
So, until the next time it rains, we walk our own paths.