I do not fear death,
no not one bit,
for death has been by my side.
No what I fear the most,
is life its self.
How strange isn't it?
That a young girl who has hardly lived,
fears life already?
You see I fear losing people,
people who have become so close to me,
people who have meant the world to me.
Because you see all those people,
that I have ever let into my life,
or get anywhere close to me,
they left…
they always do.
I fear being the one to always ruin things,
because I always do,
its always me.
I am always the one to blame,
I fear messing anything and everything up,
and ruining something close to me.
I've become pretty good at that….
I fear the feeling of
sorrow,
betrayal,
loss,
pain,
worthlessness,
and the feeling of all the blame.
I fear that one day,
I'll be left alone with no one by my side,
because of my fear,
of ever letting anyone in.
I fear that it is always my fault.
Or what about the fear,
of everything you became accustomed too,
being ripped away and having to start new?
Or every plan you ever had for your future,
come crashing down?
I fear the constant linger,
of a dark shadow over me constantly without my consent.
Or the fear of my constant anxious self,
and how I skip a few breaths,
or the cuts and scrapes amongst my skin.
In those moments I fear myself,
and what I could do,
for I am a child,
who has experienced pain and sorrow,
happiness and laughter,
loss and death,
fear and anger,
betrayal and hurt,
and yet I am a child,
who fears life more than death.
T.B.