it used to be so loud inside of my head
when you were around
but ever since you left
all i can hear
is the echoed sound of my heart shattering
and i think that i'm really starting to miss the noise

more often than not and as cliche as it sounds, your face is one of the first things i think of when i wake up and one of the last i think about before i go to sleep. my eyes have always searched for you in a room full of people and always will my eyes drift in your direction when i know that you're anywhere in my vicinity. your laugh is my second favorite thing about you because your voice is my first. constantly do those two aspects or qualities of you resonate inside of my head day in and day out only making me want you more than i already do. i am in love with you. and as much as i hate letting those words roll off of my tongue and out of my mouth it's probably the most genuine and pure thing that i've admitted to in months. i've got to face it. i'm never going to be swept off of my feet by you, because the fact of the matter is, you don't want me. i won't ever be your first choice. there was never a day where you looked at me and thought of me as important or worthwhile investment to look into. i will never be important to you.. or even relevant. and i know this is gonna sound quite cheesy, but waves of disappoint crash on the shorelines of my chest way too hard when i think about the fact that my "person", is never in a million years going to be you.  for never in a month of sundays would i have thought that i would be head over heels for someone who's lips mine has never gotten the opportunity to grace. they say that once someone starts to love them self enough, they'll stop chasing after people who don't love them. needless to say, i stopped chasing after you, it's just embarrassing because i really didn't want to.

the covers slipped off of her again,
and she wasn’t the one who slipped them off.
her eyes went vacant as the hands that she had once found so comforting
made her feel nothing but discomfort and angst.
his large, harsh hands
ruggedly ran down her prepubescent body and frame.  
every touch
felt like a burn
and because she was paralyzed with fear and utter confusion,
she could do nothing
but lay still
and let him brand her delicate skin.
and while her clothes were being stripped,
so was the little girl’s peaceful set of mind.
leaving nightmares to forever burn,
she disappeared.
too young to understand.

you were stripped away from me when i was only nine.
taken away by someone that was supposed to love me.
i didn't tell.
i didn't dare speak of it.
not because you weren't important,
but because i couldn't bare to have any of the words
roll off of my tongue.
simply because of the fact that the only ones
that were scratching at the back of my throat was
'somehow, someway,
this is  your  *fault.'

Crying can happen so gently...
But oh god does it hurt
When you're curled up crying so hard
You think you might scream,
But your throat constricts
And all that you could ever muster
Is an unintentional mangled squeak of raw emotion.

If you give a girl a with a big heart your broken pieces,
she will gently pick them up and carry them in her soft hands,
and pay no mind to your sharp edges.
She will try to glue you back together
and she’ll do it in a way that made you forget you were ever broken.
With scratched finger tips and ****** palms,
she’ll lift you up to the sun,
letting it's blinding rays shine through you
to show you that even the worst things have things to love in them
and that even the shattered can again be whole.

If you give a girl with a big heart your body,
she will study you like an archaic God.
She will learn your curves and surfaces like braille,
she will adjust her hearing to the pitch of your laughter
so that no matter how far apart you become,
her ears will perk up like a dog's when you giggle,
and she will smile, knowing that you smile.

If you give a girl with a big heart your time,
she will make each second feel like infinity,
and each sunset like the end of the world.
You'll forget that the universe is as vast and wondrous as it is,
because you will be so captivated by the light that she emits
right where she sits,
by your side.

And if you take from a girl with a big heart,
please,
for the love of God,
do not take it all.

If you take from a girl with a big heart,
please remember that her love is not a renewable resource.
The wind and the sun and the water will forever be there to serve you but
she will run dry, and become another fact of history that will one day be forgotten.

If you take from a girl with a big heart,
please remember how sharp your edges were before her,
how lifeless your body was before she touched it,
and how meaningless time was before she made it into something magical.

i try to bottle them up,
but i can't keep these feelings at bay
and no matter how hard i try,
i can't seem to make them go away.
i'm tongue tied
and silent,
because no words can convey
the feelings that reap inside of my body
every second of the day.

and i can feel the words coming,
the ones that'll sting like when you pour salt into a cut
you know the words that always feel like someone is stabbing you in your gut
and i have plenty to say,
but i keep biting my tongue,
because i know for a fact that you have already won.
but my heart doesn't listen,
it just says, "so what?"
and i can't fathom what to say
so i just keep my mouth shut.

i want to blame you
and hate you,
for the mere fact that you don't like me back.
and i want to accuse you of a crime,
but i think the only crime that has been committed here,
was by me,
and it was the crime of wanting someone who would never want to be mine.