Your voices are all mingling into one
Past and present
The pain in my chest and
The muscles around my eyes
I cannot...
I cannot bear to be there again
The laughter
The gazes
The support
And the betrayal...
So close to your warmth
And yet
Never there.

The innate warmth in one's heart
Should grow
And yet
My heart is left with a fading imprint and
No image and
No call
Beckons my heart.
My heart and mind's roles
Reverse

Fluctuating

Please

My whole life...
Please.
I want to leave
I want to be there.
So come take me
Because I can't seem to find my way.

One step away
Two feet at bay
Three thoughts sway
Dangling
In my gaze.
A door certain,
The distance short,
Viscosity of air
Uncertain.

With all the steps
That have pulled me
Here,
And with all the
Inter-flows of life curving
My path
Left and right,
I have come,
Oh expectant One.

Thank you
To all.

My gaze loses focus
But remains on one.
There is no handle.
The door is yet to open.

Thank you
For recentering my gaze
Each and every time.

Whether it be the flow
Beneath my feet,
By my arms or,
In my mind and heart,
I...

Thank you

I, a wistful soul,
Have always been
On the verge of you.
Each push and pull
Of the flow of tide
Almost pushing me through
And yet
Here I am.

Thank you

My body lays
Sensing the flows
Eyes closed
Thinking about
The One who expects me
Beyond the door.

There's a reason
To everything I do.
Whether it be
Not smiling at you
Distancing myself from you or
Not liking you...
There's a reason.
I'm not your first priority.
Not even when I'm the
Only person
You need to focus on.
I'm not your first priority
When no one else is around
And
I never will be.
So don't pretend like I am.
Don't lie to my face.
Don't think everyone will like you
Just because you like to show them
Your enthusiasm
As if you're their Sun.
*******.

Be honest with me
Be truthful
And work from there.
I tried to do that with you but...
I'm not your first priority

When people tell me
That I'm strong
I'm beautiful
I'm amazing...
I don't feel anything.
Tell me these things
When I cry about the pain
That has lasted me years,
When I'm up at night
Even when I'm lacking sleep,
And
When I'm expected to smile
My whole life when I don't feel your warmth.

This ice palace I reside in,
Is it my lifeline?
Because if it is
Wouldn't it be better if
It melted?

All these moments
Have become entangled
And the momentary lapses
Irregular,
My world all
Grey
And
I just can't do this.

But my calls are stuck
In my throat.
I'm frozen.
I'm not resilient.
It's taking me so long
So long
To stand up.
And my heart is giving up
It's beat
Fading.

One more thing
Before I lay my head to rest,
I must say
Hoping that my last words
Won't need to be repeated
And my essence unfelt;

A hole has manifested
In my sincerity
And no person has been
Left unaffected.

Many times I mention
My lack of drive and
Inability
To passionately
Reach for the moon
However...
My words as if delirious
Wander unintercepted
Into the horizon.

Of course in your insincerity
I slowly cared less and less,
But unable to be resilient
The hurt bore a hole
Pierced my soul
And left my energy
Diffusing low
Into the deep...

Darkness
Drawn apart
Awakened
In my end.

And in the darkness
There is nothing to
Let the light flourish again.

Wouldn't it be lovely
To lose yourself
Wouldn't it be lovely
If the world turned dark.
Wouldn't it be lovely
If all felt void
Wouldn't it be lovely
If I breathed no more.

Too tired to argue
With thoughts that float closeby
Too tired.

And if I don't fit your standards
Then, you have to paint
A standard on me?
The world is your canvas
And so you smile at what you
Want to see?
I love you guys
That's as clear as can be
Love us in your standard
And in the moonlight
Let the glowing soul leave.
You've made your shells,
Why do you need their cores?
Acting like they're free...

Am I an anomaly?
Too tired to tell.
I don't want to take the time
To explain who I am.
Not every single time.
Easier to say goodbye but
I'm flying high
Too fast for me to.
Too tired.
Just let me be me.

The relentless
Ingenuine serenades,
Empty
Swirling around my ears
As I try
To encompass
Your entirety,
What energy we share
For your tireless
Unfelt soothsaying
To pile around
Unreceived.

Serenade me,
Whether we share or not,
For I will let peel
The layers of your serenade
And watch
As the energy unveils.
But know that when
Your words are empty,
You should leave.
Because I'm
Beginning to have enough.