How high can I fly
Before I fall?
A question, from my lips
You'll never recall.
For in whatever you may call
My life
I had always been drowning
Every smile
Laced with misery
Every connection
Developed from my energy
Every word
Every word
Full of honesty

You know
The reason why
You see me there
Everywhere
And yet
I am always not there
Is because
With every interaction
That I make
There is nothing that is shared
Only held
And then abandoned.

How high can I fly
Before I fall?
The question is easily answered.
I am already drowning
Drowning in everywhere I am
And everywhere I am not.
The real question is,
How long
And when,
Til I land?

Artificial, superficial
Smiles, laughs and riddles.
All riddles.
Anything out of your mouth,
Through your eyes,
Through those hands
Filling me with doubt.

Can I have something good?
Am I allowed to?
This race course that I've jumped into
I've sped up way too fast.
Slow down crash.
Speed up crash.

Artificial, superficial,
Why did I ask you to let down your hair?
I look up and I see someone foreign
Claiming that if I climb
I'd get closer to her?
Right...
Your smile foreboding
Your eyes beady
Open your mouth
Flickering fork so needy
Right..
Artificial,
Insincerity in that 'interested' gaze
Superficial,
Those lips stretched wide
Plastered on your face
It only makes sense that when you laugh
I don't give a sh
Right.

Artificial...
Superficial...
That's all you'll ever seem,
In my eyes.

I hate that
Every word you speak
Must be expected for everyone's ears.
They aren't.
They aren't.
So stop going around and twisting words
That you can't comprehend
Stop seeking out words
Who don't feel the same emotions as you.
Just stop.
Not everyone is going to feel the same.
Not everyone attaches the same meaning
To certain words, phrases and sentence structures.
Just stop.
If the sentence was meant for you,
Then the emotion and structure would be there
For you
And if it isn't...

I'm spent
To this end, my life
I never meant
To this end, my eyes
Opened my soul's descent

And where the wind blows
You shall find me
And where the sea flows
You shall be drowned in me
And where life grows
You shall flourish through me
Beknownst to you
Or not
For I am everywhere

And in the darkness
As I ignore calls to warmth
I open my eyes
Closing in; my life's ascent

I hear the rain outside my window
Sudden
Like the thoughts of my mind;
Like a dam burst, they flow
Continuously fluctuating
They only pile and grow
The thoughts that continually seeded
Weave and grow
Too many stimuli
I am overwhelmed
Too much
For me to even think that I know
To even think that I know anything
As dams burst left and right
The chaos caused is too thorough...
The chaos has spread too wide
And as the dam is about to burst
I open my eyes
And my soul is broken in half
In the dull echo
Of the chaos of the rain
Outside

What is this clarity that I hold?
Is it that the value of all else
Has equilibrated?
Silence
Silence in my thoughts
In my mind
In my heart
In my room
In my relationships
In my mess
Silence.

It is possible that this is the
Drawback of water
Before the tsunami slams
A moment of silence
Surrounded
By the wake of a storm

When I was finally able to say
Goodbye
I felt not the need to move my lips or
Move myself to
Utter the words..

Whether or not you are there
I feel not the need to check.
The last I saw,
You lifted your barriers
And that is all I need to know.

You are you
And in the time it took to realise
The permanent distance between us
"Goodbye"
And I would never see you again.