Still breathing, alive...
Struggling; bloodshot eyes from cries
Drinks from the bottle,
sets it down for a moment
I see my dreams fall into my whiskey bottle
I say my flaws out loud
Then tip that whiskey bottle,
to my mouth
That cycle repeats,
till I can barely talk clearly
Hangover wakes me up,
in the morning
I look at myself in the mirror
I see an addict
With bloodshot eyes
An addict struggling to keep up with school work,
friends, brother, my mom, my dad
Exhausted every night
Rarely sleeps with positive thoughts
It's hard to wake up every morning
I see my mom smiling,
Me, forcing a smile
Behind that smile,
a deranged alcoholic
Friend tells me I'm all good,
not a bad person
Teenage alcoholic won't take that,
but me?
It actually made my day
Feeling really dizzy,
as I write this poem
Don't judge me
I'll soon get out of this,
hopefully
Wasted, tired, emotions flying
I say I'm gonna **** myself,
while holding a spoon
Falls onto my bed,
passed out
Haha, so funny
How much I "love myself"
If I actually did,
why would I do this to myself?
Wouldn't take a drink at all
It's becoming a strong habit
Drinking every time I want to forget
Wanting to forget all these voices,
in my head
And depression, that holds me
With those tired eyes,
deep dark circles
A smile creeps upon my face,
by some random happy thought
Oh how much I miss that happy day
Struggling to breathe
Hangover hit early
I struggle to stand
'Climb' onto my bed'
taking deep breaths
I tell myself, I'm gonna live
Even with all of this going on
I'm gonna be alright
I'm not gonna die,
not in front of my friends
The dizziness, the urge,
I still have to finish work
It's only 9:40 pm
I might just end up falling aslep,
on my desk
So here I go,
taking another breath
I'm gonna make it through everyday
Gonna try keeping up,
with all the mess life brings
As my dreams fall into my whiskey bottle
Written on 3/20/16