She stuffs all the bad things
into a closet
and then hides the key
after she locks it.
Her face turns all red
when I ask what's inside.
She screams out her lungs
and yells "everything's fine!"
So I rattle the door as to
blow out the hinges.
And when I glimpse inside,
she thrashes and cringes,
"we don't need to talk
about our past no more.
Will you just go sit down,
will you please close the door?"

Dear Mr. Trump,
I know the Russians aren't the reason for your recent election. Putin slapped the democrats with a rock-hard misdirection. There's no need to conduct a voter poll inspection. In any case, I think America's made the right selection.

Dear Mr. Trump,
I can't believe that some are questioning your mental stability. Do subjects have the right to challenge nobility? To do so, I feel, would be a lesson in futility.  Those of us still in your cabinet think you're doing the job brilliantly.

Dear Mr. Trump,
I am writing to urge you to declare war in the east. Don't listen to the media, the democrats or Chinese. Don't listen to the South Koreans, those ***** only see half of what your great white eyes can see.

Dear Mr. Trump,
I think it's great what you've done
to our military. All those phoney genitals, generals, were starting to scare me. Guns are no use in the hands of a fairy. And besides, when they die, that's 10,000 less soldiers to bury.

Dear Mr. Trump,
When will construction on the wall begin? Those ******* are causing too many problems within. Besides, I think we can take it one step further and completely wall ourselves in. But keep up the good work - I know you'll make America great again.

I had a customer at work today
with a tattoo across her chest
that said "Royalty" with a little
jeweled crown hanging off the "R."
She wanted a pack of cigarettes.
She didn't ask, she demanded.
She didn't say "please."
I gave her the cigarettes.
She didn't say "thanks."
I asked how her day was going,
and she said "good."
She didn't ask how my day was.
At first I thought a girl like that
isn't royal at all.
But, the more I thought, the more
I realized that she was.
Because royalty doesn't ask,
it demands.
Royalty is above saying "thanks."
Royalty doesn't mingle with
gas station clerks.
Regardless, I muttered "*****"
under my breath as she walked away.

I used to want to be an
archaeologist.
I thought digging things up
looked like fun.
I thought that I wanted to
touch history.
I don't get paid for it,
but I guess
I sort of am an archaeologist.
I dig things up.
I run my fingers through years
of history.
It just isn't as fun as I'd always
thought it'd be.