Remember,
The right time is
Right now - Swamy Downey

You've got your hair in a mat
And your shower is some distant planet
You said so many times you were going to do that, that, and that
When you were in over your ego, like a ***** little aristocrat
You scratch paint chips off the walls, and you can't put them back

You'd never take a life, not even your own
Although you feel it's not worth it anymore
You're looking for some way out, but death's a corner shaped door
Nothing looks fair in life if we're keeping score

So you watched the kids the other day
Rolling die, and making moves, it's just a play
But you're just a pin stuck in your haystack mind
And your personalities are the only friends you've made in the past 365 nights
All your hope is lost in your heart under that dim light

I know how you feel, when you say that death is a corner shaped door
And you want it to take you in the night
Or in a mishap like a car crash or a messy bar fight
But sometimes your head gets ahead of your sight
Sometimes you just have to endure until it's alright

I've been trying to figure out where to start with you.
It's like trying to put a pinpoint on a city that doesn't exist anymore.
I'm always looking at a faded map when it comes to you.
Maybe that's why I start all my sentences with "and"
and maybe that's why I haven't gotten a good nights sleep in 3 years.
Beginnings have always evaded me.
I've never cared for small talk or formalities.
The "oh that's nice" that seems to line the purse that is every first conversation.
The pin fell out of the wall again,
the map's crumpled on the floor.
It looks the way I imagine your body did.
Your body.
My bed.
And a highways worth of empty space.
Your body.
I didn't need another parking lot.
I needed a **** highway but you had to go and ruin that.
Your body.
I have driver seat phobia.
They say I fear control but what they don't understand is that I fear being out of control.
The same way you don't fear the dark,
you fear not seeing.

Your body. Six feet of dirt. Parking lots.

I'm so sick of having my foot on the brake.
I swear every steering wheel has the word "and" etched into.
The seams of the leather.
The stitches in your head.
I can't start a car or a sentence.

I want the kind of love
That's quiet

Quiet like tea and a blanket in the morning

I want a love that's soft
That's honest and deep and true
That's always there

Love that's not for show
Or for power
But love simply because love is felt

I want a love that accepts and encourages
I want a love that embodies peace

Stare at the sky and you will realise,
realise you forgot clouds move and suns shine.
They rush past while time spent is in your head.

Take a moment, to breathe, to listen,
listen to the stillness and allow it to consume you.
Allow yourself time to not think, not feel.

Its not often we appreciate the beauty of nature.

Listen to the orchestra the world sings,
sings for everyone to hear the beauty in the sounds.
Leaves falling in time to the branches groan in the wind.

Nature isn't just the outdoors,
it is everything on this planet, including you.
the sunrises upon your legs from a fall, your inner beauty singing.

*More often we need to allow out fingertips
dip into fresh streams, to feel the cool water
and take time to love ourselves as we love the beauty of our surroundings.

I held your dying body as you gazed into my liquid eyes,
You breathed a last blessing within my soul,
We swore an oath, do you remember?
Upon the darkness, calm were the waves that sleep with the stars,
Your pained body took peace

Long summer suns blister my parched lips,
I pledged to search for you my beloved,
Giants in the valleys sway in warm summer breezes,
Walking a dream I smell your freshness on forests floors

The fields bloom and golden daffodils smile to the sun,
Birds sing of springs love, on a blue summer’s eve,
I wander this world alone breathless without you,
Awaken to me this infinite love to fill my soul,
For I am incomplete, a flame waiting ever waiting for your crystal smile

── Aching the poet wept in the starlight alone

© Arnay Rumens  /A Sol Poet 11. 2013