As the days get deeper
So does the hole

People start losing their unique ****** qualities
The objects in your house become dull clutter
Monday morphs into Tuesday and Tuesday morphs into Wednesday and Wednesday morphs into Thursday and
All of a sudden you don’t know what day it is.

The only thing that doesn’t lose its edge
Are the words that pump out from your lung,
to vibrate from your vocal cords,
then are fine tuned from your larynx,
and emanate from your articulators.
Those are the words that stuff me deeper into the hole.

Sometimes it’s not words
but actions
That burry me under and into the darkness.

This hole I speak of,
***** you in and won’t let you out
Until you’ve admitted defeat
And hell,
You’ll never live to see the day that

I, Admit Defeat.

I’m afraid courage is the only answer
To push through and battle to the end
But where has that gotten me now
I still find myself at base one
Nothing gained much lost
But to what to who
After all isn’t my pride a thing of my own
Something to keep and hold through the dark and bright
Something to keep me going when others don’t when others can’t

How can I ignore the feeling that there’s something different
That I’m the little girl who cried wolf
Just because I don’t belong in a world so strong and I so weak
Nobody but me knows that goes on in my head
Nobody not even I can decipher my own thoughts and feelings
What does that make me

You see me as the girl who
Hides behind fake smiles, closed doors, and Michael Kors
Only to mask the shameful scent of failure
Because I’ve gone too far
I’ve fallen too deep
For it’s too late to sleep
My mind has kept me up
It’s half past four and all I can do is think more and more and more
The walls surround
The roof caves
I’m afraid there’s come a point where actions drown my feet only to then surround my head
My thoughts become one as they fight their way out
I stand deep in my past
Swamped in over my head with what I had forgetting
But it’s the most powerful memories that stick with us
I’m afraid it’s come to a point where pen meets paper, spray can meets wall, and lens meets subject are no match for mind meets reality

It’s about that time again
When somehow I slip up
And let my mind wander
Let myself think freely
And it leads to you

My head spins with nostalgia
My eyes burn
My throat tightens
My heart beats too fast
My palms get sweaty
And my feet can’t seem to sit still

It’s about that time again
When I start to miss you, to miss us
But like always that longing quickly turns to a hatred

Dare I say
You forgot me

I thought we had something strong
When you’ve worked to build a sturdy base
You fight to keep it
You don’t let it slip away
You don’t watch it disappear

It came with ease,
for you,
to let this one go

It came with great difficulty,
for me,
to see you stand by and simply do nothing

Have you ever met someone
and in the same instant
that your eyes glazed over with the sight of perfection
and your heart melts with desire
you just know it never can and never will be true

La douleur exquise, la douleur exquise.

I unconsciously chose to ignore the idea of impossible
but I need reality to crush that
Otherwise,
I'll be stuck in paradise for one day too many

In the meantime
You seem to be the only one I would ever want
And the only one I can never have