Cold
Cold
Cold

All I feel walking through a frozen life filled with grey faces.

Until I catch her eyes,
And oh her sweet eyes heat up my soul so fast I get dizzy and loose my breathe.

Just one glimpse and my whole life turns on, like flipping a light switch.

One glance and my life was flooded with color and warmth.

Warm
Warm
Warm

dear god,
you were introduced to me as kind, forgiving, generous. whenever i made a mistake, i didn't feel the need to come apologize to you because i thought you'd know it was a mistake and forgive me. not once in my life have i gone out of my way to hurt anyone. any pain i may have caused anyone was unintentional. like the way i broke my sister's arm- i didn't mean it. we were playing. my parents may not have understood that, but i knew you would understand because you were always- you have always been- my best friend.
i am eighteen now and i've made more mistakes than i can count. these mistakes didn't hurt anyone but myself. i made bad decisions out of vulnerability, desire, fear. and i thought you'd understand. i stayed up a few nights explaining to you exactly what happened (you were there though, so i probably didn't even need to do that). i ******* up, i didn't mean to hurt anyone. i swear to god. i mean, i swear to you.
but recently i'm being told by everyone around me that i need to repent and beg for forgiveness. god, i don't understand. why would i say sorry to you for my mistake? you created me. you knew i was made to make mistakes. if you wanted me to be perfect, you would have made me so. but you didn't. i've always come to you in times of need, in times of confusion and pain. you have guided me, i have trusted you, you told my secrets to no one.
why now, must i beg for forgiveness? you know me better than i know myself. you know i have always sacrificed myself for those i love, i never wanted anyone to hurt.
i am lying here with a broken heart and a the words are twisting in throat. my stomach is on fire and every breath is a struggle. i am thankful that i do not need to speak for you to hear me. god, tell me this, why must i beg for forgiveness when i know that you have forgiven me? i know you have forgiven me for being human. you made me human in the first place.
other humans will not forgive me.
you will. you always have.

please help me understand.
regards,
your human.

"You're crazy baby"
He held my face in his hands
He kissed me and said
"You're not going anywhere"
He kissed me like he needed me
And he ****** me like it was the last time-
Every time

"You're crazy baby"
He loved me through his wickedness
Through his lies, through his cheating nights
"You're not going anywhere"
He loved me in the only way he understood
We loved and lied like Kennedy and Marilyn

"You're crazy baby"
He would yell, as he moved like fire through the house
Destroyed my sense of security and my sanity
His favorite wall paper was his fist through the sheet rock
"You're not going anywhere"
He was a **** fool
"You're crazy baby"
I finally yelled back
He ruined what could have been a masterpiece
And it will be his worst regret
"You're not going anywhere"
I finally realized
He will forever be trapped in this hole

And I was **** right.. he never did make it anywhere

yesterday i caught myself buying iced coffee
anyone who knows me knows that i like my coffee hot
anyone who knows you knows that you do not

my playlist looks like a walk down your memory lane

you frustrate me in more ways than one
i can't decide if you are a curse or a blessing

i used to know a boy who said the same about me
he stopped putting milk in his coffee because that's how i take mine;
black

i think i love you as much as he loved me

i think the world would be a better place if we all just drank the coffee that we like
coffee is not a substitute for love
i forget that sometimes

i stay loyal to you even in another man's arms

**** iced coffee

Imagine
Perfectly normal house
Perfectly normal girl
Perfectly healthy body
Chaotic mind.
Her thoughts
As loud as waves
Clashing on rocks.
Yet a voice
So quiet
Like a breeze
Through palm trees.

Conservatives cannot admit
that the White Nationalists were wrong
"But what about Black Lives Matter.
But what about the Alt-Left.
But what about what Fox News said.
But what about what our ******* cartoon of a president said."

Think for yourself.
You are feeling bad for Neo-Nazis.
They killed people.
They have a history of killing people.
They would **** everyone that isn't white.

This country has become disgusting.
A large portion is defending the actions of terrorists.
White Nationalists, ISIS--
They are, literally, the same.

You cannot be peaceful
when it comes to Nazis.
By sympathizing with them,
you are condoning them and creating more.
The only good **** is a dead ****.
Be a ******* person,
think for yourself,
recognize true evil
when you see it,
you brainwashed *****.

there's something comforting about
returning to the basics
welcoming a heightened heart beat
with open arms
being okay
once again
with the sweat collecting on my palms
touching my knee to your's
barely enough
for you to even know I'm there

I might have been twenty
when I had this thought.
Good family, material ease -
she really should
snap out of it.

This was before
I'd ever stumbled
into fruitless darkness,
when mood and circumstance
seemed one and the same.

I thought myself magnanimous
when rather than judging
I rationalised.
"Perhaps we're hard wired
to seek problems to solve,"
I pondered,
"so where there are none,
we create them."

But now
instead of second-hand accounts
of days in bed,
ill-fated relationships
and unaccountable weeping,
I read her own words.

And I am staggered,
inspired,
by her strength
and her insight,

and by how little
we can know of each other
until we are ready
to learn.