I swallow hard
I can see it move down my throat
The slender curve of my neck scarred
The memory fights to stay afloat
It claws it's way back up and in.
It's scent tearing at my skin.
For a moment I hate her.
The girl standing before me,
I hate her for giving up,
I hate her for giving in
I hate her for not being stronger
For letting her weakness win.
But I can't keep breaking mirrors,
and hating reflections.  
No good can come from hating what others have done.
She fought, she screamed, and cried.
I f**king tried.
I can't be a slave to yesterday and my thickening pride.
I followed a dream over the horizon.
Swam in the dark side of the moon.
Felt pleasure, love, and freedom on the other side of that dune.
But I only hold the reins to myself
I cannot control them, or him.
It's just me, overflowing, and full to the brim.
Then she stands tall, her slender neck strong, a deep breath drawn.
And strength brings color back to her cheeks.
The hatred, and memories gone, placed firmly in the past.
And I recognize myself again at last.

Somehow hope still lingers through my soul.
Time has broken me in ways that i sometimes wonder how I'm still standing?
But that little hope that keeps me sane ironically has a first and last name.
Aint it pathetic how my sanity depends on the person who unintentionally keeps breaking me? Aint it pathetic how he is having the happiest days while im here patiently waiting for his comeback although i deep down know that day is not anywhere near this present. Pathetic little me right?

I really Loved everything about you, the details of this Love can be found everywhere all over me. The way my eyes lit up when I saw you, the way my thoughts instantly changed to become only about you, the way my Heart would beat so loud I swore the people around me could hear it, the way my words would carelessly slip out of my mouth just when you were near me.
I called you My Love, because you were exactly that, My Love. Any anger or frustration I had disappeared instantly when I heard your voice. It was a bull in a china shop, but the bull moved so slowly and carefully because he didn’t want to disturb something he found so precious. It was my piece in my times of madness and a break when the world was crumbling.
Now that your Love is gone, I don’t know what to do. It feels like a distant memory of something I once cherished but was ripped away at a moment's notice with no Love or care given.
But the remnants of this Love still lives in my heart. My heart has always been on my sleeves, but now it feels like it became a hard brick hoping that nobody would watch it cry itself into submission. If you cut up my heart and divide it into sections, unfortunately there is a big part that is still dedicated to you. And no matter what I do, or how I heal this will always be the softest part of my heart. Always being triggered at the slightest of things, sending me into a spiral of emotions I could never hope to recover from…
But I need to recover. Although your Love drove me with such inspiration to take over the world, I must find that again. Maybe not in Love as it is such a volatile force, but within myself. I hope I can become whole again. I know I will become whole again.

I once wrote a poem called
Words Never Said
And the words never said were
"I love you"

But there are other words
I should reveal,
The ones I will never say,
The ones I will not use,

God knows there are
Reasons aplenty why
I should,
Why some would say I ought,

The twists and turns of the knife,
The illogical argument,
The hand biting,
The rage from nowhere,

The blistering attack,
That storm from a cloudless sky,
Savage and unworthy
Stupid words

From a mouth become
Uncharacteristic in its harshness,
Aimed and timed and crafted
To cause hurt,

So many occasions
When no one would blame,
Not even the cause
Could blame me

Yet those words still
Hang unnoticed
Between us as the frenzy flies,
Just barely seen in the battle smoke,

Enough - I - quit