You don't say a word
And neither do I.  
And endless silence
But quite content.  
We just listen to each other breath
Not breaking the silence.

It hurts on the inside
Hiccuping crying
Screaming inside and wanting to outside
Saying things we didn't mean
But you never said sorry
Only me
It hurts like a stab wound left to rot
The scar will stay of what you said
Tears have gone dry
So have my emotions
Left drained and withered
I have nothing to say
Just a hurt on the inside.
An endless pain
That you are not sorry for
Cause you meant everything

I sometimes wish I was dead.  
Want to be dead.  
But then I think of you.
6 feet underground
Not feeling happiness anymore.  
Was it worth it?  
Did it make you feel better?  
Do you miss me as much as I miss you?

I lost little bits and pieces of the woman I knew over the years.  
It wasn't noticeable at first.  
A few forgotten things in rooms.  
A few stories retold for the third time.  
But now it has become something that stands out when you talk to her.  
The woman that raised me.  
Sometimes forgot about me.
Forgotten things were left everywhere as she didn't remember putting them there.  
Sometimes she forgot about me for the day, only to remember later.  

No one raises a child with the thought that their parents may forget them.
But it happened and nothing can change that.  

Her mind seemed to have lost the parts that I loved and so did she.  
But I still love her.  
This complete stranger that raised me or at least that is who she sees me as.  
As I listen to her tell me the same story for the 10 time in a row.  
I still love her.  
Even if she has forgotten me.

What is this feeling?  
I can't describe it and I haven't ever felt it before.  
It is like I am upside down but right side up.
Everything hurts but heals
I want to cry and laugh at the same time.  
I love me but hate me
What is this feeling?  
It is almost like I am conflicted on everything.  
What is this feeling?

My young arms held around him tight.  
I couldn't say what was wrong.  
I was raised that being weak was stupid and to always be strong.  
So I held him tight.  
Wanting to cry but not going too.  
All the issues going on.  
Sometimes I wish I could bury myself.  
But there in his arms I felt safe.  
Like my mother's arms before old age came and took away her mind to never land.  
I hadn't felt this way in a long time.  
Secure
Wanted
I held him tight.  
He didn't say anything.  Just stayed with me.  
And with that.  
I let out my first tear in years.

The most scary thing,  at least to me,  is being told you can't have kids.  
Now it is not like I wanted kids.  
But the thought of when my doctor told me so casually at a young age that I may never be able to, has always scared me.  
I wasn't that old.  Someone who never got my monthly at the age 16. And a doctor just bluntly tells me I am messed up.  
Now years later it still isn't fixed and I stay worried
That I will disappoint someone I am with.  
People tell me that is it fine.  They were told the same thing.  
But it isn't fine!  I am not you!  And what happens if it is true.  
I am told by my friends that I am blessed.  To never really get a monthly or to get it every few months.  It isn't lucky.  My bones are brittle and I always have a nagging feeling that I will disappoint my partner.  But I won't say anything.  It is too soon for that.  But at some point he will click two and two together.  He is very smart after all.