The most scary thing,  at least to me,  is being told you can't have kids.  
Now it is not like I wanted kids.  
But the thought of when my doctor told me so casually at a young age that I may never be able to, has always scared me.  
I wasn't that old.  Someone who never got my monthly at the age 16. And a doctor just bluntly tells me I am messed up.  
Now years later it still isn't fixed and I stay worried
That I will disappoint someone I am with.  
People tell me that is it fine.  They were told the same thing.  
But it isn't fine!  I am not you!  And what happens if it is true.  
I am told by my friends that I am blessed.  To never really get a monthly or to get it every few months.  It isn't lucky.  My bones are brittle and I always have a nagging feeling that I will disappoint my partner.  But I won't say anything.  It is too soon for that.  But at some point he will click two and two together.  He is very smart after all.

One guy opened up fully to my class on how he struggled with suicide and depression.
Said how he thought and even had the strength to say it. It was insane on how he could open up like that.
he had the strength i never did and never will.
i wish i could say how i was struggling but i am not like him
and i find my comfort in hiding.

Why am I writing about you again?  
Maybe it is because I can't get you out of my mind.  
The way you look at me
Maybe it is because of how you confuse me.  
You treat me like a treasure and take me places I have never been.  
But you make me feel bad for speaking
Like I am stupid or something.  
But I really like you and I hate how it breaks me but I don't say anything.  
I just keep laughing.  
Like the dumb ignorant person I am.

I am writing about you again.  
This time it is because I hate who I am.  I just wish you could like one thing about me.  Sorry I talk too much or talk to loud.  Sorry I laugh weird.  Sorry I walk weird or trip around.  I hating having to watch what I say and do 24/7 because I don't want to upset you.  

I am writing about you.  
Because I love you.

She dazed off every few minutes in a dead stare then would turn and smile when customers came near.  
"How are you" They would say.  
"Just fine.  It is a beautiful day. " She said with a smile on her face but not her eyes.  
She had gotten good at faking it.  That everything was alright.  But when they walked away the smile faded into deep thoughts.  No one knew her issues.  And neither did I.  I was just watching her.  Watching the girl with green eyes.  Act like she was just fine.

Images play faster then the sky
On the child's face
Age of almost 5
It was so easy to get lost in the screen.  
The child didn't even notice scenes change or where they were even going
It was easier then dealing with a crying child.  
So they handed the screen to the child of just 5.
So they didn't have to be the parents that they signed up for.

Separated by a wall
No talking to each other
Won't open their heart to the other
Walls built from the heart break of others.  
Wishes said and never answered
Just for some communication and not so many secrets
They won't open their heart to me.  
And it hurts to know they are hiding things
But I am nice and I am trustworthy.  
No jealously will come from me
So games begin of pretending to not notice
As my walls have fell down
But theirs have not
I wish on a star for their walls to fall down
Cause even when we are touching
It feels like touching nothing.

She sat on her throne of skulls
Of all the people she had broke before
She lured with her hand of sweet and vile lips of red
Her song led you to your death
So she could live a year more.