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 Sep 2015 Silent Sanctuary
Akira
He told me my scars weren't beautiful
And I told him that no one could ever really admire a masterpiece
Without taking a few steps back
Your scars make you who you are and no matter what you are beautiful
The moon is now bright and full
showering silver romance,
to the leaves of tree so dull.

A cricket humming his chants
deep in meditation behind
the dark unknown shrub's branch.

Somewhere in a nest, a hatchling can't sleep
letting out feeble hunger cries
her mother did not fetch enough to feed.

While on my walk, I see those eyes
hiding behind a trunk, peeping
I assure it safety, I know may be lying

Night is the time for them to be,
struggling to enjoy independence and security
this unending night leading them to the unknown
what will remain I wonder at the crack of dawn.
What future can we give to these plants and animals, we have already invaded every inch of land and air.
My mentor spoke to me of two rivals,
Once, they had been friends in some distant past.
But the years have eaten their love and made grudges manifest.
|The two shattered into broken glass

To my wise master I asked only one,
One question... In all my range.
One question I asked:
“What changed?”

In the outskirts, at the home of my daughter
Where you can stare at the stars or passing cars
None more brighter than the other,
We share memories of my grandmother.
In the photographs, she looks so much younger.
Not frail, but a fighter, lover and saintly|

To me, she asks plainly,
One question, and one question only.
Sifting through the ages of years past:
“What Changed?”

At the kitchen table, feeling inadequate,
My lover screaming and frustrated,
I recall memories when we had been intimate.
Times when movement was made for desire and not duty
|A calendar of nights left in confused abstinence

I interrupt.
She delays rage.
I beg,
“What Changed?”

_

In the last few hours of night
The dawn reaches me at last.
I had locked moments-
Literal seconds of time as the truth.
But it was always changing
In flux and morphing.
Turning into something new
Just for a moment, and then on again
“What Changed?”
Everything.
Always.
Time* has gone by
But only in reality has it gone
Within, it seems like its been a lifetime
Knowing you, or rather having known you..
It’s probably all been the same
We said things wouldn’t change
But we’ve slipped away from each other
Like aged tires, unprepared for the rain

At the ****** of our demise it seemed unreal
I tried to hold on for so long
Most would say too long
As i hung from my figment of a cliff, my fingers began to fail me
With every moment of negligence I cried for a change of heart
From you, that never came

As I free fell from my cliff
Deep into the abyss of nothingness I sank into, and digressed from life
I was in a state of internal paralysis
My heart beated, but ever so quietly
My mind thought thoughts, but ever so dismally
I walked the halls watching others laugh and fellowship
When all the while I just missed your smile

Your laugh
Your smell
Your walk
Your talk
Your eyes
Your touch
It was all too much
Too much to yearn at once

As lonesome days came and went, I wondered when this would leave me
When I’d be free from this feeling of no feeling
Others tried to help but my heart was stubborn
I wanted nothing but to reverse the clock
Back to the days when I did feel
When I did smile
When I did live

But then that day came.
That day when God dove into the abyss and rescued me
It was as if all the pressure from the deep ocean had been lifted off my shoulders
My emulation of the Titan Atlas was no more
My fled soul had been returned to my body
And it was all by His grace

Nowadays I still check up on such individual
But I do so from a far
The feeling of care still resonates in my heart
Just not in the way it once did

Yes you've changed, but I don’t see that You
I see the You that i knew
The You that I met and felt utterly anew
The You that I temporarily walked life with and grew

But I have moved on
It took longer than most would
But I guess it was because I loved way more than I knew I could
Now I see you and I feel nothing
But its far from the nothing of before
Now its a calm nothing
A nothing that reassures
Everything’s going to be okay,
I’ve lit my lantern and let it float away, as it burns

Maybe it was all meant to happen this way
Maybe it wasn’t
But either way
Time has gone by
But only in reality has it gone
And with the first showers
Comes the kind of sadness
Which only half loved lovers
Can feel.
I slipped away the other day and strolled towards the limelight.
To much dismay and most out of the way, this light it shined too bright.
If I could just get closer, by whatever means how,
I could achieve the spoils of success, and revel in the now.

Advance after advance, success after success,
One would think, naturally, to progress was the key to this mess.
Slowly but surely, my goals marked complete,
Yet these checks on a sheet kept bringing me to my knees.

What lay behind the light - a driving attraction,
Kept me bound and confused, a terrifying reaction.
The struggle to succeed, at least in my mind,
Was a self-perpetuating frenzy of competition against a future place in time.

To fail in a contest against another is but a minor setback.
But to lose the race against oneself is a tragic putrid poison, uneasy to extract.

However, by seeing the nature of this self race, and to resolve to love oneself in hate,
Is to admit defeat of one's own fate and accept a self deprecating loss.
Yet as one succeeds in short, they see the nature of their quest.
These goals I take and win today, I strive without a rest.
To reorient with happiness as the goal, is to accept the love within us all.

In constantly improving, your life stays moving,
But beware this pace, as to much disgrace,
This ambitious race may make you lose face.

To seek and to find is to reap and rewind;
When I succeed in my mind, my dreams they do not subside.
Something is burning, deep down inside,
Quietly yearning for a love lost in time.

As Hyacinth passed up on the one he loved, Rosebud cried in toil and crud.
Caught up in the nature of the game, eluded by fame - yet to oneself, he fell insane.
This is a literary allusion to the German fairy tale *Hyacinth and Rosebud* by the Romantic author Novalis.
 Jul 2015 Silent Sanctuary
L
You gave me a glass jar
We collected fireflies and put them inside
We admired them every night.
Only the two of us understood
what the flicker of the tiny lights meant.

Only the two of us understood.

One day, we walked down the beach
We walked by a stranger whose eyes
sparkled like our glass jar.
I lost my mind
I dropped our jar
I gave the stranger our fireflies
I thought he was worthy.

You ran away with tears in your eyes
and wounds in your hand
from all the broken pieces of our glass jar.

As I tried catching up, I stepped on broken glass
I hurt myself
I stopped chasing you
I let you go and went after the stranger with the sparkly eyes.

For a moment, I forgot about you and our jar and our fireflies.

One day, it rained.
The stranger left and I felt my wounds fresh again.
I thought about you and our jar and our fireflies.
I missed you.
It hurt and I cried and I promised
not to collect fireflies anymore.

I haven't seen fireflies or sparkly eyes since then.

Six hundred and seventy three days passed
I went back to the ocean and saw the broken pieces of our glass jar
The wounds are now healed but I still miss you
I picked up the pieces and glued them back together
I sent them back to you in a box with a bow
"This is yours", I said
I did not wait for a response.

One day, I saw you holding our empty jar
You were looking at me
I looked back, holding my tears
I moved close and I saw
There were no tears, no pain, no anger in your eyes anymore

I moved closer 'cos I thought I saw your eyes sparkle
I thought about our fireflies
And in that moment I realized

It was you all along
It was not the stranger with the sparkly eyes
It was you
It is you
You are my fireflies.
While everybody else focused on the rain drops,
she focused on the distance between rain drops that
had touched the Earth and
rain drops that were yet to touch the Earth.
She didn't focus on what she could not change.
She did not focus on the past.
She focused on the possibilities held by the future;
she focused on what she could change,
which is why

She never focused on the raindrops;
she focused on the distance between them.
It shakes. Lives are lost. Cultural history is all in rubbles.

It shakes. There's nowhere to run.

It shakes. Leaves our minds and bodies shaking in fear.

Hope this passes soon.

Pray for Nepal.
She sat beside me in a cloud of smoke,
Ash falling to my knees like a tree that just gave up on standing straight
And finally lay its head on the ground.
I am tired of feeling rooted in an earth I no longer believe in;
Tired of climbing trees to defy gravity and I know I can't win.
Not this fight, nor the next, or even a game of poker as my lips
Just can't stand being straight.

I am that fallen tree and sometimes I forget to breathe,
Leaving each breath like my car keys you tell me I don't need.
Who needs the earth when I have you landscaped before me?
These foundations are ours and you build me these walls
Just so I can knock them down.

I'm destructive like that, we are indestructible like that
So lets take a page from my book and draw ourselves a map
Right to this moment in time,
Where I whisper *"I've fallen for the girl, and you know what?
It's fine."
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