Desolation. Winding Roads.
Last winter’s sadness
Has reverberated back around.
A heavenly melody, a dark sound.

You never stay long enough
For me to finish a poem. You never create
A space for me to call home.
Never a place to call my own.

Desolation.
Abandoned homes.
Old haunts. hometown bars.
Last years christmas lights strung on
a wooden fence.

Desolation. Winding roads.

All I wanted
was a place to call home.

Not the girl you meet
Down at church or the local store
Not the girl you catch a glimpse of
Small twinkles in the iris-
Flashes of home

  more of a 2 am blue

Visceral red lights
Chinatown
Buhwick laughter and red solo cups

More of a dark revel in the
Unknown
More of a midnight train into
Where you have not yet
Dared to roam.

More of a fleeting feeling, less of
A rooted tree.

More of the one
That almost was but wasn’t quite
More of a blurred 2 am night.

Not the one you take home-

More of the one you found

when lost
And forlorn.

you aren't real
so you fade away.

what isn't real
will never remain.

I made you real
inside my mind
I gave you colors
I made you shine.

I made you real.
I made you feel.

Like swaying winds, I come & go
Ephemeral poetess, Down the crooked
path and winded road.

You may see me on a cool blue day,
but like most beauty,

I am not rooted
enough to stay.

You could call my name
and let it roll of your tongue,
you could talk to the
ethers, and summon
the sun,

Like rolling tides,
I come, but don't stay,
so when you here the wind,
you too, can sway.

We had it that night
We lost it just as fast
Fast
Like racing cars
Down sunset blvd and vine
Fast
Like my breathing
As you hold me close
As  my thighs shake
Fast

We had it that night
We lost it just as fast
Vast
Like the sea i swim in alone
Vast
Like the stars i hum to in hopes
Of something more
We had it that night
And lost it just as fast
For some things
Some names
Can’t be held on too for too long
Some palm trees sway towards
Another direction
Another wind

I had you that night
& I lost you
Just as fast

We had it that night
We lost it just as fast
Fast
Like racing cars
Down sunset blvd and vine
Fast
Like my breathing
As you hold me close
As  my thighs shake
Fast

We had it that night
We lost it just as fast
Vast
Like the sea i swim in alone
Vast
Like the stars i hum to in hopes
Of some savior above
We had it that night
And lost it just as fast
For some things
Some names
Can’t be held on too for too long
Some palm trees sway towards
Another direction
Another wind

I had you that night
& I lost you
Just as fast

This place never felt like home
merely a container for the wicked mind
falling into abyss where angels
cry, I look for you
as my only sky, and the only time
I feel lost is when there's nothing left
to grasp.

This place never felt like home
merely a place to rest a troubled
mind, or a place
to dim my shine.

Higher than heaven
you rose, elevating in the
dark woods, reading slowly,
words burning, rolling off your tongue,
majestic poetry & prose.

Fairy of the night, I sing, lyrical
& whimsical, you rose,
higher than heaven, poetry & prose.

I wasn't rooted, like the old wooden trees,
you told me when seasons shift, I turn into ice, and freeze
for I was never what you wanted me to be,
rooted, no, for I was free.

An epiphany -
cool & blue.

nothing on the other
side of town tonight.

Christmas lights made
me feel lonely last Tuesday.

you seem vast -
& there's nothing beneath it, like
looking for gold in an abandoned sea.
You- more
of an abyss of nothingness.

An epiphany last tuesday
nothing on the other side of town
your eyes
vacant

Birds chirp softly, Hallow's Eve
burnt candles line my wooden dresser
Green paint chipping, fading

Your soft air blows my way
You came like wind
and couldn't stay

like most things in life,

Haunting me

in our final hour.

Birds chirp softly,

Hallow's Eve. Grasping tightly
to one final glimpse
of what could never be.

Like a ghost in my long
Hallway on this tree lined street.

Sun sets slowly
Hallow's Eve
the cars buzz softly.
Lights dim low. Street lights
Cast a soft glow.

I hope to dream once more
Of you and me,
On this heavenly remembrance
Of last
Hallow’s Eve.

Wild flowers dancing
in my fields
I no longer sway,


No more long flowery dresses
Or lilac perfume
scents.

I lie still.

I no longer drive
The untouched roads
Paved with gold.

I no longer sway.
I no longer move at any distant
Beat. I no longer move
At any sensation in my feet.

Wild flowers dance

in my fields
I lie still.

Reverberation
of  bells echo
Distance and lucid
Lulling to me ,
A familiar
unknown
Church on the other
Side of town

I am less holy
Tonight, Getting darker
By the hour.

I dreamed

of you once
On a cold barren night
& here you are
Wavering, languid,
never remaining the same.


Cold Santa Barbara Air
Blowing
Into the small top floor
Apartment

Needle in my green vein
Bleeding , eyes closed
& consciousness vast-
Fading in
And out,\

His breathing louder, rising
Like the waves, crashing,
into me
Like the waves.  

I am lucid tonight.
born to escape
This life, for
We watch the distant
Sea in awe
And sing lyrical tunes in a vacant
Apartment at dawn and we leave our homes
Only to miss them.

We never belonged here in the first place,
It never felt like home.

My limbs are long and sore
From a falling unto the earth



we were born to escape

To  write
Each day until

My fingers bleed

To love you each
Hour until my
Body leaves

To sit here
In the cool morning breeze

To love you from afar


Cool and blue
Distant seas

This is all i long
To do,  to give
Myself

Is nothing new

I’ll write each day until
My fingers bleed
And ill sing every hour
To the brown fall leaves

I’ll love you here
Until my body leaves.

Hope brought me
to life, you brought me
to the sea.

When all is lost,
Your prayers
bring me to my knees.

I follow the drumming
of a distant untethered beat,
wild & erratic, Dancing languid,moving
free.

Hope brought me to life,
you brought me to the beach,

and a moment in time
is all I can see,

For now I move
languid and free.

Guiding light shines
within me,
omnipresent
on vast roads ahead,
like glittering gods.

Like headlights
when the
clear road
eludes me, like
winds in spring,
in my time of need.

For there are paths
yet to be paved
& mountains
yet to be trekked
& All the stars
can't shine at once.

Guiding light, you lie
within me, even when you
are blocked by a tall palm tree,
even when you are dim
on my midnight drives, & it's hard
for me to see,

Guiding light, you lie
within me.

The road to paradise
Is long & worn

Cool wind sways me
to dark blue
Untethered dreams,
You left me here
With
Nothing but
tattered seams

Unraveled
And torn .

Freedoms Shores
Run to me,

Long drives to
nowhere
Midnight rises
slow, and
Eerie.

You feel me there
In the air

I am scattered
All along ,
Amongst
Your multitudes,
I am everywhere.

The road to paradise

Is long
And worn.


The blue wind sways me
You left
Me forlorn.

Soft Radiance,
Lambent light
in the distant  air of June,
Guiding us into the night.

There was a feeling, a longing
of what could be, Us drifting
Free,  through the veil
unseen,
Wavering, wild eyes longing to
Leave  in June.

Ride high into the
Monsoon,  soft air blowing us
Away from This place, this lambent light
On the darker side of June.

Soft radiance, lambent light
In june. Daydreams rush to me, like
Distant Shores unseen, Visions
On the dark side of June,

Of what
could have been,
of what almost was,
but did not Bloom.

There is a  slight
remnant of light
peaking through the evading
daytime glow, it casts
a shadow on your iris,
blue & cold.

There is a remnant
of  summer
winds in the cool breeze,
swaying us into
some decadent
daydream.

There is a remnant
And shadow  of
you in my tree lined
view, floating away,
like
you  always do.

So surreal and evading,
Blowing, never remaining,
so surreal and fading,

Like the remnants of
Light, like the remnants
Of our last
Goodbye.

You held a field of dreams
By the bedside lamp
To galvanize these nights
Tucked away in a wooden drawer

There are some whom never
Held a twinkle in their eyes
Whom never gazed to heaven
Wondering why

We belong to a different
Sort of sky, a two toned
Sky, with darkness
And vast light

Fields and endless
Dreams tonight
Let’s gaze beyond to wonder
Why, musings of the other side

Fields of dreams outline
Tonight as we wander
With heaven nigh

A summer Hymm falls
from the heavens amongst a
spectacular wind.

A summer hymm
drops and simmers into
the burning red sea
parting you and me
into the night

Burning us like stars
which dazzle on the
most maleficent night

let the gods speak
through you
Don't hold back

Let the gods speak
to you

Dont hold back

Lost spirits at dawn
come to my prickled
ear & sing to me
a midnight song.

Promise me, you won't
float away in the zephyr, nor
take too long,

for I am left with
the lost spirits
at dawn.

I was born a seeker.
A seeker
Of the darkness, a seeker of the supernatural
Light reflecting a heavenly glow, turning
On slow, in the Los Angeles
Mist of summer.

I rode the bus to places unknown, longing,
And searching for a home, looking for something
Larger- bigger than us, something which couldn’t
Be grasped in my fingertips.

I was seeking something which couldn’t be swayed
By the languid winds, a feeling, a place
I dreamed of once on a cold, barren night,

I was born a seeker, so I looked above
For the answers in the celestial bodies,
The twinkling stars in the skies or
The twinkling stars in some strangers' eyes.

I climbed the mountains, and fell just
As hard as I rose. I searched for the vastness
In ancient poetry and prose

I was burned by forest fires,
And burned by my own untamed desires,
Wild under a blue moon,
Hoping to find a feeling
Which would make me swoon.

I was born a seeker, and to this day,
I am not quite sure
What I was hoping to find.

The darkness
Settles in,
seeps
Into the room
By five pm,

My mind is bent,
The time is bent.

Clocks set an hour
Ahead,
My kettle whistles
The tea
Is steaming
Evaporating
What was never
There,
What could
Never stay,

My mind is reeling,
The tv is loud,
His pale hands
Touch my skin,
Cold to the bones.

I miss the sunlight,
and the
Trees.

I long to go home,
my
eyes
are forlorn.

You- awake,
ghastly at the unholy
hour beneath my
crescent and waning moon.

I dreamt of your deja
vu, and spoke to you
through the distant,
unwavering monsoon.

you are awake and
ghastly at this
hour - eyes lit up
with desires.

kerosene drenched
fires- only you,
awake and unghastly
can take me
higher.

Any road could take you there
you and I,
the 405,
the sunshine of our rain
the storm of our own disaster
the never ending paths
the electric blue skies
the prophetic visions
you and I,
the 405
the clouds are high
Any road could take you there
you and I,
take the ride

I warn the lost soul
On the desolate road-
For he musnt follow
The muse.

I speak ***** syllables
Of truth- for the muse
Wanders lost, seeks
Yet is never sought.

The muse is a femme fatale
An alluring temptress
Of the night

You Seek her  illusions
With unclear foresight

We sin only to confess
Reverberation of church bells
In a lonesome alley

Fading Skyline
while you mainline

you no longer shine
you no longer shine

Daydreams lost in
a clouded
haze of delirium

Sin tastes like
gilded gates
of heaven opening
at golden hour

Chalice filled
to the brim awaits us
we are always drinking
poison

You're eyes are
dark as the ravens
whom fly amidst
the midnight sky

Delirium of endless nights
and endless lost highways
we ride

Lost spirits at dawn
come to my ear and speak to me
of the midnight song

I am an ephemeral spirit
Turning off the daunting light
In your hallway of wicked dreams

You come to me to enchant
Your desires, and leave with unraveling
Velvet seams

When the smoke rises high in the midnight
Blue sky, and the moon howls and cries
Come find me where the music is haunting
& the love daunting

Robert Frost- you come to
me in a silly daydream, where the
reckless sun beats heavy on my feet.

You speak to me of the road less
travelled, and I can see it down
the winding path, where vines
may harm me along the way
Where danger may befall, and tear
my limbs- as I stand tall and carry on

Frost- you come to me in a long daydream
I see the path, I will seek it
no matter how long- no matter
how winded.


For I too, long to tell the tale
of the winded, rough, rarely trekked
road which made
all the difference.

There is a thunderstorm
Rampant in my eyes for
They tried to steal our paradise

Where my love once grew heavenly
And divine on the sweet vine
It is now withering away
Beneath the vacant sunshine

I am lost in your eyes and
They tried to steal our paradise
Now i stand tall and alone
Close to the sky

There's a violence
amidst the white noise
Open sky
white, vast, and daunting
My eyes are shut and I can no longer
feel your presence

There is a loss of god
in my soul, and an empty
void which only expands
the more I fill
it

The nights melt into
the days like candle wax
and I'm dripping, dripping, dripping
melting, I am melting

Violence amidst the silence
as I seek the long, winded road
leading nowhere in particular