first days of Summer
early childhood
first, second, third year of school
when Summers first started to mean something

Free.

I am Free.

i remember
i remember those days
i remember that feeling
only remember
i remember one morning
early
seven or eight
both of us
myself and the day
just starting to heat up

i remember finding our front door open
wide open
propped open
because we'd just bought a new screen door
our first
to let the Summer in
i can still remember the sweet smell
of the soft blond wood frame of our new door
blending with the scent of suburban Summer wafting through
cut grass and pool water
dandelion and hot asphalt

i remember the sparkles of dust twinkling
through the enormous beam of radiant Sun
pouring through our open front door
flooding through our new screen door
pooling in two golden domino blocks
on the orange **** carpet

i remember lying down then
right there on the carpet
right there at our open front door
in my pj's
in that bath of light
and doing nothing else
doing nothing at all

i remember it was so warm
so comfortable
so wonderful
so perfect
i didn't want to leave
i didn't have to leave
i could lay there as long as i wanted
i had nothing else to do
all i had to do was whatever i wanted
and what i wanted was to lay right there
and let the blissful Summer Sun caress me all over
until there was nothing else

i remember i felt free then
absolutely felt it
for the first time
a sort-of tingle in the belly
like falling
or flying
the exhilaration of that new-found freedom
knowing i was free
knowing this was only the beginning
knowing there were months more of this left
months more to look forward to
the upwelling joy that knowledge brings
the surge of happiness at having nothing better to do
than drown in a pool of starlight

i remember recognizing
even then
that there was something special happening there
i didn't know what it was
not then
but i knew there wouldn't be many days like that
and there haven't been
this is the only one i can remember
anymore

but i'm glad i remember
it feels good to remember
it dulls the ache
left from wondering
if i'll ever get to feel that way again

I've lost all my baby teeth
But I remember the ache in my gums
The ****** holes they left behind

I exchanged each pearl for a coin
From a glittering fairy tale falsity
A consolation prize for growing up

Bits of bone falling from my mouth
I bid my skeletal farewell
To the pieces of me I no longer needed

T minus 15 years
I am screaming, crying, untimely ripped from the first home I had ever known
Born with eyes open, I fight for my first breath. I know I am supposed to live.
T minus 10 years
I have earned callouses on my little hands, toughened the soles of my feet
And now encounter the lullaby of language, the incredible illusion of image
T minus 5 years
I notice shooting stars, and for the first time, they seem within my reach
If I just turn my palms towards the sky, I'll catch a comet before it hits the earth
Countdown complete
The mountains I've climbed are scratched into my soul, and I trek on
Keeping my eyes open, I fight for my each breath. I know I am supposed to live.

Remember kiss chase?
A childhood game.
Carried on through adulthood,
Just not in the same way.

constant, constant
tumbling downard
deep we go

What a thrill!
Down halfway on the big street
I was lost, left with a blank stare at all that was happening
but God, I saw a
delicious despair of moments.
Without it, I would have fallen
simply into the pit of
idiocy, conformity, normalcy, an
unimaginative life and a future of
foolish emptiness. Being lost
has only made me so incredibly
incredibly alive
I rise and raise and my head
to take pleasure at this awful wonder
Such is the life of a young dreamer!

Arabs are on their knees
Command them left and right, whatever you please
The female goddess with her divinity
But she mustn't succumb to her desires
Cursed with a voidhole, a witch with no flying stick

Strike the strings and they will shiver
Their Gods with invested interest in genitalia,
Debating vice and virtue
Perverted thoughts, oh, let them pass
As she rubs her blood oozed inner thighs
I can hear the delicate moans and quivers

Society under her thumb
Quickening breath, fast paced heart and wide *******
At last, the land of promised *******
Virginity fetishists with holy manuscripts
Tribal war, the darkest of blood

Mount your ******* to the highest heights
Reach their moral mountains and hijack their sanity
Fear stricken by your circular thumb-motions
For they will associate ***** blood with vanity

Ignorance at their gates
No light escapes, shattered lives
Facts infecting their pride
Worshiped not for her intellect nor beauty
But for the voidhole she carries
In the desert sand, she remains a liability
Until she becomes a miserable bride