Is it the falling rain
as it creates a clear sheet,
a cool blanket upon the earth?
Or is it in
the ripples
that form,
and disappear,
along the water’s surface?
Is it the taste
of burnt coal
and ashes
in
your
lungs
as you watch
the past
go up in smoke?
Could it be
along the nighttime streets
as you wander
in search for
where you belong?
Have you found it
under the light
of an
iridescent moon;
in silent reflection
as you reminisce
of Halcyon days?
Is it in
the aftertaste
of their fingers
intertwined
with yours,
or perhaps
in the whispers of
I
Love
You
residing in
the distant past.

I thought about you the other day
and it occurred to me that it
doesn't matter how many times
I wish you were still by my side;
how many times I say I miss you
because you aren't coming back
It's occurred to me that I will never
physically be with you again
I can't tell you how I'm doing
but I assume you're doing fine
or at least I'd like to think so
I sat there in silence
as my fingers went numb
and everything went silent
and I swear for a second I could feel
my heart and soul sinking into the
ground to try to bring you back up with me
God, I wish I could have woke you up
for just ten minutes
so that I could tell you everything
I wanted to tell you that I need you and that
I haven't made progress
I wanted to show you everything that
reminded me of you
I wanted to tell you everything I haven't
been able to say out loud or on paper
I wanted you to sit by me and tell me that
you miss me too and that I'm not really okay
I've tried so hard to remind myself that
you're in a better place
but I want that better place to be here with me
I've been having restless nights
clenching my fist and screaming into my pillow
because I became the person you
never wanted me to be but Im getting better
All I wanted was ten minutes to
tell you everything I should have
So I lay by your grave and try to remember
the way your hands looked or
the colour of your eyes when the sun
reflected off of them