sometimes i think that life is good
but then i realize i’m in a place made for people to feel happy so they stay longer.
a so called “happy place” created to cover up the places that aren’t so happy,
to cover up the dying and wars,
we see and think what they want us to.
they build attractions, distractions,
so we don’t think about what’s really going on.

there’s a million stars,
a million eyes,
but i would choose yours in every life,
i’d recognize them anywhere,
i’ll never forget them.
your eyes have changed though,
they’re not red everyday now,
not full of tears,
there’s a hint of happiness in them nowadays.
you used to get lost in mine haven’t you?
but you’ve found a new ones.
tell me,
do they look at you with lust?
do they only see your body?
because mine saw right through you,
they didn’t wanna see you naked,
they looked at you with love.

there was this girl, she was pretty and funny,
she didn’t care about money,
i fell in love with her slowly,
but surely.

she was everywhere,
the out-going type,
i thought i could be someone she could like.

we became best friends,
i got to know her,
that didn’t make me like her any less,
but she saw that i was a mess.

the next week was hell,
felt like i was locked in a solitary cell.

i had no one,
not even her.
she was not just another someone,
she was supposed to be my forever.

i got used to isolation,
solitude became my refuge.
with other people i had no connection.

allow yourself to live to the fullest,
change your mindset,
don’t lock away your emotions.
feel everything deeply,
empathize fully.
**** your ego and love others.

you’re the only one you can fully rely on,
only you can make a change.
people come, people go,
you will have yourself forever.
don’t stress over others,
friends or lovers too much.
if someone leaves,
grieve them as much as you please,
but don’t let it take over your life.
their presence will not save you.

i always tried to do the most with my time,
not anything productive- just something fun,
entertaining,
to cover up the fact that i’m mourning someone who still walks this earth.

my concept of “happiness” isn’t the usual one,
it might be rather depressing for some.
i think i wanted to say so many things, but said none.

living in eternal doom has become normal,
elders telling me to dress more formal,
acting like i’m just a doormat.

when i said i wanted you i never meant a relationship
it was just stationary
we’d be better off with just a friendship
but my friends are all imaginary
sometimes i see you here with me
but it’s only a hallucination
one day you’ll come back, maybe..