And the world stared,
as another man passed
before his time.

I remember the first time
I wanted to die.
Considered the verb,
the method,
the option.
I was seven years old
and my life was already over
in my head.
By nine years of age,
I saw the means by which to end it all.
Every vehicle flying down the street,  rushing rivers,
hilltop cliffs,
pocket knives.
At 11,
I was committed,
13,
I'd tried,
I died again,
and again,
everyday I survived,
never living.
14, 15, 16,
Nothing,

Nothing,

Nothing,

This purgatory had to cease.
Being a specter
somehow, someway, just searching
for peace
in the ground.
Better yet
let me help grow a tree,
so my life could be good for one thing.
17
I'm almost there.
Nearly withered away.
I've spent all my years
held in all my tears
rid all my fears.
How dare they say
I'm not all grown up.
Let me go.

The world presses down,
and pushing back takes it's toll
on you.
It breaks you down,
you crumble,
pieces of body and mind
shear, flake, and tumble away
from your quivering self.
Everything hurts, eyes closing, mind numb, skin crawling.
Coated in sweat, earth, rain, fuel.
Gunpowder lines your lungs
filling your nostrils.
You long for a release.
Lifting the weight off your back,
to feel yourself float unburdened.
Water to run and renew you,
The hardest mattress a cloud above the chill ground.
Jean's like an old friend on fresh flesh that has forgotten denim.
The touch of a lover, long overdue.
Her soft skin on yours,
with lips so divine,
and a voice like honey.
You forget, for a while, the weight of the world, and all you need do,
is be.
You're set free.

Not all at once.
Barely perceivable really.
But slowly,
things are getting better.
Balance restoring.
The tides ebb and flow.
Maybe it's you,
or it could be me,
or possibly we.
Resculpting each other.
Chiseling away at hearts of stone,
and sparking flames
to warm our bones.
Miles to go, mountains to climb,
rivers to cross.
Full lungs, blurry eyes.
Its a long road,
but It's gonna be fine.

We are going to be okay.
Now that I know what it is to be loved by you, I could wait an eternity for our  moments together.
Every day I have with you ends far too soon.
Each day away from you, feels a lifetime.
This distance apart is our price to pay,
but we,
we'll always be worth it.